I like how this was for the women of saddo's and Canvasback, PrideofMora, and Jules can't wait to post!![]()
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I like how this was for the women of saddo's and Canvasback, PrideofMora, and Jules can't wait to post!![]()
"If there's a better chin in the world than Pryor's, it has to be on Mount Rushmore." -Pat Putnam.
Things You Learn From Watching Porn
Women wear high heels to bed.
Men are never impotent.
When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he fucks her.
Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with spunk.
Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.
Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.
Women always orgasm when men do.
A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
All women are noisy fucks.
People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
Those tits are real.
A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum.
If there is two of them they 'high five' each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
Double penetration makes women smile.
Asian men don't exist.
If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
There's a plot.
When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.
Nurses suck patients cocks.
Men always pull out.
When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.
Women never have headaches.
When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to 'suck it'
Assholes are clean.
A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's pants and find a cock there.
Men don't have to beg.
When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
Pigtails = handlebars.
If God wanted us to be vegetarians, why are animals made of meat ?
Oh No X - You have single handedly smashed my dreams of ever becoming a "real girl/woman".
I just don't think I can live up to such monumental examples of complete selfishlessness.
Alas I will have to instead just live with comments from my male teammates such as "look at her she's a little dude" and take seriously sparring tips often yelled out mid round such as "Sharla your left nut is hanging out".
I will sit here for a while and contemplate just how messed up I really am! :P
Listen and learn just how stupid we really are ...... and then carefully plot how to rule the world in a female wimmin republic !!
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WOMENS PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker
Men's Personal Ads
40-ish - 52 but looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic - Sits on the couch all day and watches sports
Average looking - Ugly
Average weight - Used to weigh 300lb, now weighs 297lb
Educated - Will always correct you and treat you like a retard
Free spirit - Likely to cheat, maybe with a family member
Friendship first - Wants to check your not too ugly first
Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack
Good Looking - Big headed
Honest - A good liar
Huggable - Overweight and enough body hair to resemble a teddy bear
Like to cuddle - Insecure
Polite - Says excuse me when he lets one rip
Open-minded - Will start dating your sister if she's better looking than you
Physically fit - Spends a lot of time admiring himself in the mirror
Religious - Went to church with his grandmother once when he was young
Committed - Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful - Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Husband and wife.....
BEFORE MARRIAGE:
Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!
AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.
Her Diary :-
He was a bit quiet and withdrawn this evening, even when we went to bed he said nothing. I cuddled up to him and stroked his hair, after a while we made love before drifting off to sleep.
His Diary :-
Fucking gutted, England lost, got a shag though
Her Diary :-
He was a bit quiet and withdrawn this evening, even when we went to bed he said nothing. I cuddled up to him and stroked his hair, after a while we made love before drifting off to sleep.
His Diary :-
Fucking gutted, England lost, got a shag though
It reminds me of myself and my wife while reading this!!!
Women are like squaring numbers.
If they are under 16, just do them in your head.
What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
Always respect the ladies my male friends.You cant live without a lady in your life.Women should be worshiped for the godness stature their are!!We were all born women you know.The first 6weeks of concievement we all are born as a female,soo just keep that in mind.Respect the ladies![]()
Last edited by yvonne; 01-11-2009 at 05:53 PM.
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