I will answer the question everyone has been asking, not ‘Where do girls pee from?’ (Note – I am working on finding that out soon, stay with me boys) but ‘Who can be the next Undisputed Champion?’
After staying up all Saturday night, keeping myself spry with lots of pints (of ice cold milk), I watched in pure boredom as Wladimir Klitschko danced like a Galien and kept back handing this small fat Russian.
I was shocked, this isn’t what heavyweight boxing is all about. Where was the posing? The deadly man stare? It didn’t even look like he had a drop of baby oil on his body. Was I disappointed? Yes. Yes I was.
As I did some shadow boxing in front of the mirror I picture myself destroying Klitschko very easily. I’m in good shape and have the tools to defeat him. 5 foot 4 inches, 154 pounds of pure man. I would simply walk into the ring, rip off my shirt and systematically dismantle the giant (although I am pretty tall myself) with a series of flexing and dance moves never before seen.
I’ve handled big guys before, in a non-gay way. And if push came to shove and we had to punch each other I’m quite sure that with those big leather gloves on they would protect my hands so they wouldn’t get scuffed which can prove to be painful.
All I can recall from the small fat Russians corner, what’s his name, Ibfuckinshiit, was his trainer saying “Well done, you filthy Russian dog, when his back is turned, pull out your pistol and shoot this mother fucker.”
The cowards.
Can you imagine Bruce Willis (Please Note – I am NOT Bruce Willis) doing someone from behind, no pun intended? I certainly can’t. I guess they don’t have manly shows like Thundercats in Russia.
So I have been eating extra coco pops and manwhiches in order to go from 154 lbs to 245 lbs. I think it will take me another 8 or maybe 9 days to get there.
Yours in manliness,
Fantana
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