Thread: Chronicles of Smokin' Joe

Just went through a grueling fight night champion marathon. Had to pick my favorite heavyweight pugilist -- Smokin' Joe Frazier, going up against 7 vintage and modern fighters.

First on the chopping block was Butterbean. Cute and cuddly, he once knocked out Johnny Knoxville of Jackass fame with one straight right hand. Unfortunately for him, Smokin' Joe is no Johnny Knoxville. Butterbean was cut up badly on the 2nd round and on the 4th he was seen running around the ring like a headless chicken. He went to sleep on the 5th.

Next up is Chris Arreola. Decent fighter. Good chin. Chin was grounded to a pulp on the 2nd round. Smokin' Joe 3rd round KO.

Boxers Eddie Chambers and Tommy Morrison went up in quick succession. The Frazier Choppin' Block was in full swing by this time, swallowing up mediocre fighters with mediocre boy band/tween names.

The Klitschko brothers signed up the next 2 contracts. After the monumental event, Smokin' Joe was heard saying "how the eff do you spell their last name again?" before signing the contract.

Vitali was up first. He had the range, weight and height advantage against Joe. Nicknamed Dr. Ironfist, he has a Ph.D under his belt. Smokin' Joe however, doesn't give a f*&%k about Ph.D's. "Communists be damned!!", Smokin' Joe was heard muttering as he left his locker room.

Vitali was a sucker for Frazier's left hook and the doctor was nowhere to be found after the 9th round.

Vladimir- Vitalis's younger brother, was hysterical after seeing the bout. Profusely sweating, huffing and puffing and in near hysteria, witnesses heard Vlad saying in broken English "Me Віта́лій Володи́мирович Кличко!!, Давай займёмся любовью!!". Loosely translated, Vlad was saying I am Vladimir, I want you! Let's making love!

Smokin' Joe was understandably disturbed by this outright homosexual advances by Vlad. So much so that in his next fight, Vlad took him to 12 rounds. Joe was all the time wary of Vlad's effeminate tendencies. Vlad sensing his opponents hesitance to a good old fashioned hoedown, jabbed his way to a unanimous victory.

After this brief but painful encounter with the Klits, Joe Frazier took on Iron Mike Tyson. Seeing how Tyson horribly mangled Holyfield's one good ear, Joe was furious. Evander Holyfield was his idol, before the loss of his ear.

After the contract signing, Joe demanded that every part of his Smokin' body be under warranty and defended against all forms of homoerotic or mangling/biting actions by his opponents. Be they Iron Mike or David Haye.

Tyson, in a poetic manner responded by saying "I thee, will eat thy baby". Thus, the baby-eating adage was born.

Smokin' Joe never allowed Iron Mike to eat his baby. In fact, as of today. no one has yet in their right mind fed their offspring to Mike Tyson. Or anyone else for that matter.

Anyway, Mike was KO'd in the 6th round. He was trading punches with Smokin' Joe. Wadya expect?

Thus, my 1 hour boxing marathon ended. Smokin' Joe Frazier 6 wins, 1 loss. 1 drunken happy guy though, so Joe's still undefeated on my end.

Just took Vlad out in round 7 in the rematch. That ones for you champ. RIP...