Thread: Guilt trips

Serious thread here......I have a family member that is very unsympathetic towards other people problems but has become what I call a "professional victim". She legitimately has health issues so I attribute part of her mindset to that as I can't imagine what she is going through but she seems to have gotten into the habit of throwing it in other people's face whenever there is any kind of disagreement. I love this person deeply but I think this is a low blow and I don't know how to deal with it. It is starting to grind me to the point where I actually went to the doctor and was told I most likely had a panic attack after I had an episode at work. I am only 30 but thankfully in good health according to the doctor. Has anyone ever dealt with a family member like this or observed a similar situation?

I have a family member who owns me money... Refuse to answear my phone calls and texts but on family meeting he says he's going to transfer money to me right when he gets back home... He said that for 6 months now, is it acceptable to beat the shit outta him? He's 30 and got two daughters... He owes me a little over 2 grand...

Not the same as your case you can't beat a girl but in my case Its bout a boy

You could always join her and try to out do her by moaning about your ailments.

They may get the picture and reflect that they are needlessly guilt tripping people she loves.

Originally Posted by Master

You could always join her and try to out do her by moaning about your ailments.

They may get the picture and reflect that they are needlessly guilt tripping people she loves.

Thought about this and would've done it but apparently the fact that she was worried about one of her kids is part of the reason she is in the predicament she's in now so that's actually a danger to her health. Stressing and high blood pressure played a big role in her health decline.

Originally Posted by chinchekked

Originally Posted by Master

You could always join her and try to out do her by moaning about your ailments.

They may get the picture and reflect that they are needlessly guilt tripping people she loves.

Thought about this and would've done it but apparently the fact that she was worried about one of her kids is part of the reason she is in the predicament she's in now so that's actually a danger to her health. Stressing and high blood pressure played a big role in her health decline.

There are tablets for high blood pressure so she should be able to control it.

Tell her to get active and not be a victim.

Originally Posted by Xwetie

I have a family member who owns me money... Refuse to answear my phone calls and texts but on family meeting he says he's going to transfer money to me right when he gets back home... He said that for 6 months now, is it acceptable to beat the shit outta him? He's 30 and got two daughters... He owes me a little over 2 grand...

Not the same as your case you can't beat a girl but in my case Its bout a boy

To be honest this post is ironic because I never have these type of family problems. Years ago I was in a similar situation as you are in now and it ended up getting ugly. It came to violence with a cousin of mine but it worked out for the best later on as certain members of my family decided not to take each other's kindness for granted after they saw how badly it escalated between us. It sucks but sometime we have to put our foot down and get nasty sometimes but it is clearly easier said than done especially with immediate family members.

Originally Posted by chinchekked

Originally Posted by Xwetie

I have a family member who owns me money... Refuse to answear my phone calls and texts but on family meeting he says he's going to transfer money to me right when he gets back home... He said that for 6 months now, is it acceptable to beat the shit outta him? He's 30 and got two daughters... He owes me a little over 2 grand...

Not the same as your case you can't beat a girl but in my case Its bout a boy

To be honest this post is ironic because I never have these type of family problems. Years ago I was in a similar situation as you are in now and it ended up getting ugly. It came to violence with a cousin of mine but it worked out for the best later on as certain members of my family decided not to take each other's kindness for granted after they saw how badly it escalated between us. It sucks but sometime we have to put our foot down and get nasty sometimes but it is clearly easier said than done especially with immediate family members.

Forget the money, family matters more.

That's rough man and I hate it for you. Here's my advice for you given your situation...

1. Be honest with her. Honesty is good, don't be angry, don't be mean, just be honest. Lay it out how you would LIKE to feel when you're around her and compare that to how things currently are. Be sure to use "I statements" (I feel that _____, when you do _____ I feel ______) because you want to own your feelings.

2. Don't keep score, don't assign blame. You've dealt with panic attack like symptoms, those are very rough, and I am certain if I or anyone else spoke to you during that time as opposed to when you felt normal we'd see a huge difference. This person has high blood pressure, that can change their mood, their emotional stamina, etc.

3. This seems like common sense but it's amazing how many people refuse to do it....Don't be afraid to let go, don't be afraid to NOT react whether verbally or emotionally, there's no law that says "you must feel _____ when x happens"....choose to let go. Some people hold on to guilt, hold on to doubt, hold on to negativity, and hold on to criticism like they would fly off the Earth if they let it go....just take a deep breath, and let the superfluous go. If you love this person who is giving you a hard time either the love trumps their attitude or it doesn't and if love wins then just let go be humble and think "I love them" and if love loses then take a deep breath and think "Why the hell should I care about what they think? It's a waste of time!"


Be like water because water has no shape of it's own it adapts to it's setting...you can weather the rock of this guilt tripper by being honest with them or you can flow over or around or change course away from them.....the choice is yours, the locus of control is inside you, you decide how to react, how to respond...I wish you the best of luck.

Originally Posted by El Kabong

That's rough man and I hate it for you. Here's my advice for you given your situation...

1. Be honest with her. Honesty is good, don't be angry, don't be mean, just be honest. Lay it out how you would LIKE to feel when you're around her and compare that to how things currently are. Be sure to use "I statements" (I feel that _____, when you do _____ I feel ______) because you want to own your feelings.

2. Don't keep score, don't assign blame. You've dealt with panic attack like symptoms, those are very rough, and I am certain if I or anyone else spoke to you during that time as opposed to when you felt normal we'd see a huge difference. This person has high blood pressure, that can change their mood, their emotional stamina, etc.

3. This seems like common sense but it's amazing how many people refuse to do it....Don't be afraid to let go, don't be afraid to NOT react whether verbally or emotionally, there's no law that says "you must feel _____ when x happens"....choose to let go. Some people hold on to guilt, hold on to doubt, hold on to negativity, and hold on to criticism like they would fly off the Earth if they let it go....just take a deep breath, and let the superfluous go. If you love this person who is giving you a hard time either the love trumps their attitude or it doesn't and if love wins then just let go be humble and think "I love them" and if love loses then take a deep breath and think "Why the hell should I care about what they think? It's a waste of time!"


Be like water because water has no shape of it's own it adapts to it's setting...you can weather the rock of this guilt tripper by being honest with them or you can flow over or around or change course away from them.....the choice is yours, the locus of control is inside you, you decide how to react, how to respond...I wish you the best of luck.

Who abducted Lyle?


:-)

Seriously good advice though. I should probably heed it more myself.

Originally Posted by Greenbeanz

Originally Posted by El Kabong

That's rough man and I hate it for you. Here's my advice for you given your situation...

1. Be honest with her. Honesty is good, don't be angry, don't be mean, just be honest. Lay it out how you would LIKE to feel when you're around her and compare that to how things currently are. Be sure to use "I statements" (I feel that _____, when you do _____ I feel ______) because you want to own your feelings.

2. Don't keep score, don't assign blame. You've dealt with panic attack like symptoms, those are very rough, and I am certain if I or anyone else spoke to you during that time as opposed to when you felt normal we'd see a huge difference. This person has high blood pressure, that can change their mood, their emotional stamina, etc.

3. This seems like common sense but it's amazing how many people refuse to do it....Don't be afraid to let go, don't be afraid to NOT react whether verbally or emotionally, there's no law that says "you must feel _____ when x happens"....choose to let go. Some people hold on to guilt, hold on to doubt, hold on to negativity, and hold on to criticism like they would fly off the Earth if they let it go....just take a deep breath, and let the superfluous go. If you love this person who is giving you a hard time either the love trumps their attitude or it doesn't and if love wins then just let go be humble and think "I love them" and if love loses then take a deep breath and think "Why the hell should I care about what they think? It's a waste of time!"


Be like water because water has no shape of it's own it adapts to it's setting...you can weather the rock of this guilt tripper by being honest with them or you can flow over or around or change course away from them.....the choice is yours, the locus of control is inside you, you decide how to react, how to respond...I wish you the best of luck.

Who abducted Lyle?


:-)

Seriously good advice though. I should probably heed it more myself.

Where have you been? I've always given solid advice....people just see my name above the post and just assume it's political and angry and what not?

I would blow her head off with one of Lyle's guns