Change your life FOREVER! PUA Style! *Part 2*
Posted 04-14-2008 at 01:44 PM by Dizaster
When I ended Part 1 of The OC Effect, I left you with 5 words :
"You are not your car keys"
What do I mean by this?
Well, let's start by going back to Reality 1. The girl is high & mighty on top of the pedestal, the guy is at the bottom. Feeling pretty helpless.
Obviously this isn't a real pedestal. It's just the girls apparent higher value & superiority compared to the male.
Why do men get extremely nervous approaching a highly attractive female? Why would we feel more intimidated by a hot girl in a club, than an equaly hot girl at our work who we need to ask a work related question?
The answer is, her reality! In fact, not even her reality. The reality we give her.
When we see a hot girl, we immediately assess & assume what her reality is, then we pit ourselves against it. We filter our entire, meaningless life & identity through her reality, and come up extremly short!
We've Adidas shoes, Her's Gucci. We're holding a beer, She's holding off 10 guys. We feel like we are losers, She feels like she's a queen!
We will come up short EVERYTIME we pit our reality against hers!
How could we even dare consider approaching her reality. What value could we possibly offer her?
Even with all our great lines, COME ON!!! It's Adidas vs Gucci !
Therefor, it's immediately apparant we cannot win this reality/identity game. We just can't!
Comparing her reality to ours, is a game that's over before it began.
Below is an example diagram of boy meets girl, in a regular interaction. Reality vs Reality. Identity vs Identity.
Imagine you worked in the mailroom of a small Microsoft office, and CEO Bill Gates walks in. Would you walk straight up & joke with him like one of your buddies? Of course not!
After we compare the realities & identities, we don't feel on the same level. So we don't act like it.
Of course, a Master PUA with 7 years experience will know he can entertain and give value to either the CEO boss, or a HOT girl in the club. So for him, comparing the realities means nothing!
But for us with no experience. Basically we're Fucked!
BUT!
We are only fucked on this level.
Remember.
"You are not your car keys".
You are also not your Identity!
And you are definetely not your Reality!
Time for a case study.
Case Study - Britney Spears
It's safe to say, Britney Spears has gone completely bonkers of late. No one would disagree with that.
But why?
Why would someone who appears to have everything, go so off the rails? She has so much value. So much more resources & opportunites than most people could dream of!
Yet it appears to mean nothing to her! How can it be that everyone else holds so much value for her life, yet she holds absolutely none ?
Britney began performing at a young age & got a lot of attention. As Britney got older & began her rise to fame, she hit the scene in a big way!
She immediately had almost every man in the world adoring her. She had endless female fans who wanted to be just like "Britney Spears".
She could buy & wear fantastic clothes. She was waited on hand and foot. She could have almost anything she wanted. She had fame! She had the dream!
How do you think her opinion of herself would of been at that stage? How would her reality have been? SKY HIGH! She could walk into a room and KNOW everyone was blown away by her. She would feel untouchable. Bulletproof. A superior human being by all accounts!
Can you imagine her inner confidence and value for herself at this stage? Would you want that for yourself? A Rockstar adored by the world?!
It would be insane!! In an outragous way! The ultimate inner game!
BUT, at some stage as she began to approach adulthood, something happened to her that happens to all of us on some level. Some of us are more concious of it, some have no concious idea of it at all. But we will all feel it in some big or small way.
It is the idea that who we are, deep down, is not our car keys!
Who we are is not our clothes. It's not our car. It's not our fame. It's not the songs we have become famous for. It's not our makeup, or even the body we were 'given' at birth. The reality we have lived because of that body. It's not our tallent that people give us credit for.
It is NOT US!! It's NOT US!!
We are NOT our posessions! We are not our identity! And we are certainly not our reality!
More case study
Take a bum off the street.. What is his reality and identity like?
But take him and give him a shower, shave, haircut, hair gel, an Armani suit, some body language lessons, and he'll have a whole new identity.
But is he still the same person deep down? Of course he is! The way he looks has changed. But HE hasn't.
People may see and treat him differently. His reality would have surely changed. His identity might shift as he experiences a different reality. But who he is won't change. It can't!
You are not your identity. And you are not your reality.
Back to Britney
Picture Britney just before adult hood. Having not come into that level of realisation that you are actually seperate from your identity and reality, she still believes right down to her core, she's king of the world!
But as she begins to feel that seperation of who she really is, from her songs, her money, her friends, her admiration, her fame, her entire reality up until now, she would feel very lonely!
All this credit she's got, it has been credit for her image. For her voice. For her songs.
But not credit for her.. Not the real her.
It's all for her identity!
What a fck'd realisation to have!
One moment you believed who you were was adored by the entire World. The next, you realise not a single person in the World even knows you.
Self esteem crash?
She can now go out in tracksuit pants and get a bad review, or a beautiful dress and get a good review. But neither makes shit all difference. She is still the same person!
And THAT person has nothing to do with the credit her clothes gets.
Why do you think she doesn't care what people think anymore? Because it doesn't matter what people think anymore! And she knows it!! She knows she's not her identity! & that's what they're judging.
Unfortunately, the only person in this world who can truely care about the real Britney. is Britney. & she doesn't.
Case conclusion
Adult stars don't tend to melt down this much. I feel it's because they already understand somewhat, that fame is just fame.. It is not THEM.
Good or bad movies don't change who THEY are. Of course, they could attach a bad movie review (reality) to their identity and feel bad about it. But it will never turn them into the bad review.
So if Britney is not all her good reviews. If she is not all her fans and songs and money. If she's not the Queen. What could she possibly be then?
Nothing?? What a realisation to go through!
Sorry if this is a bit of a headfuck. Bringing it back to us now will make it clearer.
How does this affect us?
Say you got dressed today in some crappy "cleaning clothes". Tracksuit pants and an old jumper.
How would others look at you? They probably wouldn't even really notice you.
But say while you were out, you bought a new $20,000 Rolex, which was covered in diamonds. You rolled up your sleaves and head off to the grocery store.
At the checkout, the girl doesn't think much of you. But suddenly, she spies the Rolex. Now her opinion of you has changed! Suddenly she's given you a new identity. Suddenly begins treating you differently, and you get a new reality.
A reality of this girl trying to chat you up!
But does her new reaction to you make you any different? NO!
None of this changes who YOU are! For fuck sake!? All you did was put a watch on your arm during the day.. YOU are still the SAME!!!
Did you start the day as one person, and suddenly change at 2pm when you bought a watch?? HELL FUCKING NO!!!
Did you change just because someone saw the watch on you? NOOOOO!
YOU ARE NOT A WATCH !!!!
Personal Story
I had personaly realised this on some unconcious level a while ago, and stopped buying new clothes.
I lost all value for them, but I didn't realise why. Except that they didn't change or define who I was. It was a sad, empty feeling to have. Things in my life suddenly lost any and all value to me. Grooming. Showering, lost all value. I knew this attitude would be harmful to my life, because everyone else still had value for these things. Just I didn't.
But at the same time, I now realise this was the greatest realisation of my life.
This was the moment I began awareness of an inner self. A self that has nothing to do with my face. A self that is not the clothes I wear. The car I drive. The things I have seen in my life. Even the body I was born into.
I am the same person I was the day I was born! I've just had a lot more experiences!
The body i'm in has aged.
People have percieved me different ways over the years.
But I have never been any different!
So here it is...
What does this mean for picking up women ?
It means FUCKING EVERYTHING !
If you are not your car keys..
NEITHER IS SHE
Part 3 to come.
"You are not your car keys"
What do I mean by this?
Well, let's start by going back to Reality 1. The girl is high & mighty on top of the pedestal, the guy is at the bottom. Feeling pretty helpless.
Obviously this isn't a real pedestal. It's just the girls apparent higher value & superiority compared to the male.
Why do men get extremely nervous approaching a highly attractive female? Why would we feel more intimidated by a hot girl in a club, than an equaly hot girl at our work who we need to ask a work related question?
The answer is, her reality! In fact, not even her reality. The reality we give her.
When we see a hot girl, we immediately assess & assume what her reality is, then we pit ourselves against it. We filter our entire, meaningless life & identity through her reality, and come up extremly short!
We've Adidas shoes, Her's Gucci. We're holding a beer, She's holding off 10 guys. We feel like we are losers, She feels like she's a queen!
We will come up short EVERYTIME we pit our reality against hers!
How could we even dare consider approaching her reality. What value could we possibly offer her?
Even with all our great lines, COME ON!!! It's Adidas vs Gucci !
Therefor, it's immediately apparant we cannot win this reality/identity game. We just can't!
Comparing her reality to ours, is a game that's over before it began.
Below is an example diagram of boy meets girl, in a regular interaction. Reality vs Reality. Identity vs Identity.
Imagine you worked in the mailroom of a small Microsoft office, and CEO Bill Gates walks in. Would you walk straight up & joke with him like one of your buddies? Of course not!
After we compare the realities & identities, we don't feel on the same level. So we don't act like it.
Of course, a Master PUA with 7 years experience will know he can entertain and give value to either the CEO boss, or a HOT girl in the club. So for him, comparing the realities means nothing!
But for us with no experience. Basically we're Fucked!
BUT!
We are only fucked on this level.
Remember.
"You are not your car keys".
You are also not your Identity!
And you are definetely not your Reality!
Time for a case study.
Case Study - Britney Spears
It's safe to say, Britney Spears has gone completely bonkers of late. No one would disagree with that.
But why?
Why would someone who appears to have everything, go so off the rails? She has so much value. So much more resources & opportunites than most people could dream of!
Yet it appears to mean nothing to her! How can it be that everyone else holds so much value for her life, yet she holds absolutely none ?
Britney began performing at a young age & got a lot of attention. As Britney got older & began her rise to fame, she hit the scene in a big way!
She immediately had almost every man in the world adoring her. She had endless female fans who wanted to be just like "Britney Spears".
She could buy & wear fantastic clothes. She was waited on hand and foot. She could have almost anything she wanted. She had fame! She had the dream!
How do you think her opinion of herself would of been at that stage? How would her reality have been? SKY HIGH! She could walk into a room and KNOW everyone was blown away by her. She would feel untouchable. Bulletproof. A superior human being by all accounts!
Can you imagine her inner confidence and value for herself at this stage? Would you want that for yourself? A Rockstar adored by the world?!
It would be insane!! In an outragous way! The ultimate inner game!
BUT, at some stage as she began to approach adulthood, something happened to her that happens to all of us on some level. Some of us are more concious of it, some have no concious idea of it at all. But we will all feel it in some big or small way.
It is the idea that who we are, deep down, is not our car keys!
Who we are is not our clothes. It's not our car. It's not our fame. It's not the songs we have become famous for. It's not our makeup, or even the body we were 'given' at birth. The reality we have lived because of that body. It's not our tallent that people give us credit for.
It is NOT US!! It's NOT US!!
We are NOT our posessions! We are not our identity! And we are certainly not our reality!
More case study
Take a bum off the street.. What is his reality and identity like?
But take him and give him a shower, shave, haircut, hair gel, an Armani suit, some body language lessons, and he'll have a whole new identity.
But is he still the same person deep down? Of course he is! The way he looks has changed. But HE hasn't.
People may see and treat him differently. His reality would have surely changed. His identity might shift as he experiences a different reality. But who he is won't change. It can't!
You are not your identity. And you are not your reality.
Back to Britney
Picture Britney just before adult hood. Having not come into that level of realisation that you are actually seperate from your identity and reality, she still believes right down to her core, she's king of the world!
But as she begins to feel that seperation of who she really is, from her songs, her money, her friends, her admiration, her fame, her entire reality up until now, she would feel very lonely!
All this credit she's got, it has been credit for her image. For her voice. For her songs.
But not credit for her.. Not the real her.
It's all for her identity!
What a fck'd realisation to have!
One moment you believed who you were was adored by the entire World. The next, you realise not a single person in the World even knows you.
Self esteem crash?
She can now go out in tracksuit pants and get a bad review, or a beautiful dress and get a good review. But neither makes shit all difference. She is still the same person!
And THAT person has nothing to do with the credit her clothes gets.
Why do you think she doesn't care what people think anymore? Because it doesn't matter what people think anymore! And she knows it!! She knows she's not her identity! & that's what they're judging.
Unfortunately, the only person in this world who can truely care about the real Britney. is Britney. & she doesn't.
Case conclusion
Adult stars don't tend to melt down this much. I feel it's because they already understand somewhat, that fame is just fame.. It is not THEM.
Good or bad movies don't change who THEY are. Of course, they could attach a bad movie review (reality) to their identity and feel bad about it. But it will never turn them into the bad review.
So if Britney is not all her good reviews. If she is not all her fans and songs and money. If she's not the Queen. What could she possibly be then?
Nothing?? What a realisation to go through!
Sorry if this is a bit of a headfuck. Bringing it back to us now will make it clearer.
How does this affect us?
Say you got dressed today in some crappy "cleaning clothes". Tracksuit pants and an old jumper.
How would others look at you? They probably wouldn't even really notice you.
But say while you were out, you bought a new $20,000 Rolex, which was covered in diamonds. You rolled up your sleaves and head off to the grocery store.
At the checkout, the girl doesn't think much of you. But suddenly, she spies the Rolex. Now her opinion of you has changed! Suddenly she's given you a new identity. Suddenly begins treating you differently, and you get a new reality.
A reality of this girl trying to chat you up!
But does her new reaction to you make you any different? NO!
None of this changes who YOU are! For fuck sake!? All you did was put a watch on your arm during the day.. YOU are still the SAME!!!
Did you start the day as one person, and suddenly change at 2pm when you bought a watch?? HELL FUCKING NO!!!
Did you change just because someone saw the watch on you? NOOOOO!
YOU ARE NOT A WATCH !!!!
Personal Story
I had personaly realised this on some unconcious level a while ago, and stopped buying new clothes.
I lost all value for them, but I didn't realise why. Except that they didn't change or define who I was. It was a sad, empty feeling to have. Things in my life suddenly lost any and all value to me. Grooming. Showering, lost all value. I knew this attitude would be harmful to my life, because everyone else still had value for these things. Just I didn't.
But at the same time, I now realise this was the greatest realisation of my life.
This was the moment I began awareness of an inner self. A self that has nothing to do with my face. A self that is not the clothes I wear. The car I drive. The things I have seen in my life. Even the body I was born into.
I am the same person I was the day I was born! I've just had a lot more experiences!
The body i'm in has aged.
People have percieved me different ways over the years.
But I have never been any different!
So here it is...
What does this mean for picking up women ?
It means FUCKING EVERYTHING !
If you are not your car keys..
NEITHER IS SHE
Part 3 to come.
Total Comments 11
Comments
 |  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, this took FOREVER!!! 4 hours of formatting to get this right.. 800 characters over the limit by the end... It was next to impossible getting rid of 800 characters and still keeping the key parts... But it's done.. And because it didn't ALL fit, I now have to go onto part 3... I only just got to the main point... But part 3 is going to be a brain melter from start to finish! |
Posted 04-14-2008 at 01:46 PM by Dizaster  |
| |  Good stuff buddy, it is completely true and we are all guilty of judging people by preconceived conceptions we have of them. It's funny how Britney was once the darling of the pop world and is now seen as an absolute crazy and a complete slurry as Sharla would say. But she's the same person she always was. Actually reminds of a quote I once read in a book about character. It was this' 'reputation is how the world sees you, but character is how God sees you' Basically basing your self esteem and worth on your reputation is futile because it's always subject to change based on how other's see your actions. But by living a well principled life with integrity, humility and compassion will give you character. Even if your reputation gets taken away from you but you have character, that will remain and God never changes his view of you based on the whim of reputation. Kind of relevent to this I think. |
Posted 04-14-2008 at 02:52 PM by Bilbo  |
| | You don't think the stress of being in the lime-light didn't mess with Britney's head a bit? You don't think people's values, their perception of the world etc etc is changed over time by life experiences? I must grudgingly admit your blog is becoming more interesting now Dizaster. Does it not occur to you that if she is not her car keys then comparing yourself to her Gucci shoes is in fact giving you an inaccurate perception of how attractive she really is? I can go out dressed up and be fussed over. I walk down the street to pick up milk or whatever - when i'm far less defensive since fewer drunk idiots are out around the times I'd usually do this - dressed in smelly workout clothes or dusty work wear and be totally unnoticed. I look the same naked all the time. Even if I do say so myself firmer than the average 9 to 9 Gucci heel wearer since she really can't exercise in those! |
| Posted 04-14-2008 at 08:36 PM by Sharla |
| | Your hitting it straight on the head Biblo... It's definetly a hard one to explain, but i'm sure you've got it.. Sharla, you too have got it... Definetly comparing myself to her shoes is a bad indication of my worth.. And a very bad indication of hers! They say that guys tend to go for very superficial things at the start. But as they realise that a bit of glitzy dress, money, nice hair isn't everything, by ANY means... They'll start to get a little bit more choosie... And want to actually get to know the girl, before sleeping with her or committing spending even more time with her. We will still have that natural urge that is built into us to be more attracted to a finer example of female genetics. BUT, the superficial stuff matters less and less. A guy won't judge a girl until he is able to talk to her for a while, and start seeing what she is really like... Advertising blankets us our whole lives telling us looks are the ONLY thing that matters, and it's hard to get out of that mindset if you have ever bought into it for a while. But that's what i'm trying do here, get us out from under that blanket and realise, Clothes mean absolutley NOTHING at ALL! If you get dressed up and have a bunch of guys look at you, or go to the shop in trackies and no one looks, your still the same person! I'm beginning to highlight how stupid it is to judge a woman on what brand her watch or shoes is. Yet we do! We have a panic attack because of it.. RIDICULOUS! In fact, a girl in all the glitzy dress etc etc, you can sometimes assume that her crappy spoilt reality will have tainted who she is almost down to the core. It's not her fault. Maybe she was born pretty, born into money, spoilt unwilling by her parents, brought up with girls who were spoilt as well, and where she would have turned out a very nice person, turned out a bitch! If you could get right down to who she was deeply, she would no doubt still be a gorgeous person.. But life is to short to be with someone who is MOSTLY bitchy. And it's too short to walk around scared to talk to people because of their Dress. Their car. Their pretty face that they didn't even ask for.. It was just given to them when they were born! Why should we be scared of something that was given to someone, complelety without their choosing! It's ridiculous! |
| Posted 04-14-2008 at 10:17 PM by Dizaster |
| | And I do agree that the media and many many other things have led to Britney's crash. Certainly. Drugs and Paris were bad. K-fed wasn't good for her. Babies probably weren't great for her also. So i'll give you credit for that one. I also think if she was able to stay attached to her success and ignorant to the real world. Stay feeling on top of the world and feeling like fame made her a superior human being and made here what she is, she could almost deal with anything. But it would take a huge amount of ignorance to believe forever you are superiour because of fame and a good voice,,, and she just had to realise their is a real world out their eventually.. |
| Posted 04-14-2008 at 10:22 PM by Dizaster |
| | Biblo I had to copy and paste half of your post to save it somewhere, because it brilliantly sums up so much. "Basically basing your self esteem and worth on your reputation is futile because it's always subject to change based on how other's see your actions." That's just pure gold. What people think of you will always change and differ, but that doesn't mean you change.. |
| Posted 04-14-2008 at 10:26 PM by Dizaster |
| | Cheers Dizaster I always liked that quote too. As Sharla seems to be in better spirits now I'm going to chance my arm a bit and say that Sharla is unwittingly just as controlled by her genes as us men. Whereas biologically men are programmed to respond with attraction towards women of beauty as they represent high replication value, woman are genetically programmed to find male confidence attractive. It was interesting to me how strongly she loathed the idea of us getting tans as she's clearly seeing that as a sign of insecurity in a male and hence a lack of confidence, something she's biologically programmed to find a turn off. A man who seems uncertain of his own appearance and doubtful of his attractiveness and perceived status obviously has a lower survival value in the eyes of a woman, an unconscious decision on her part that occurs on a biological level. In her other words her reactions are not really her own but her genes. I also found it interesting that whilst she claims not to make any effort in her appearance as if she's above such vanities she still couldn't help dropping in the fact she would look more toned and shapely in Gucci heels than most women women who habitually wear them. So even though she doesn't acknowledge it consciously her genes instinctively want her to demonstrate that she is attractive and has high replication value. Of course all of this is going on unconsciously so she's not even aware that much of her behaviour and emotions are, just like shallow, superficial you and me an unconscious byproduct of her programming. Knowing how Sharla usually reacts to my postings I'll expect some more lessons in what a wretched, sorry excuse for a man I am now!  |
| Posted 04-15-2008 at 01:25 AM by Bilbo |
| | I think it's human to want to look good but bad to want it at the expense of your health etc. It's more satisfying and long lasting too if it's a lucky by product of doing something for your own health and enjoyment rather than something you feel you have to do to justify your existance to other people. If it's clothing you have to pay for then you'll be forever chasing you tail to keep up with fashions etc and nothing will ever be enough. Whether you let it over-ride other things to the point where it costs you your health or say the ability to stay out of debt is another issue. Perhaps women are instinctively more attracted to confident men. In a way though have you not noticed that insecure men are the ones who pick on the women they are with the most. I always expected the ugliest guys I dated to be the nicest because i assumed they would see past superficial things but they weren't. Oddly enough the best looking guys were the least negative towards me. With women i think it's the other way around when they are younger and more or less evens out when they are a little more mature. Women who are better looking in the traditional sense - make up, clothes etc etc have to invest so much energy into this they do become bitchy as Dizaster says. Things that make men attractive are also the same things - at least 80 % - that make him healthy and happy and less prone to looking for faults in others as a defence mechanism. Obviously these are sweeping generalisations and don't apply to all men but it has applied to most men I've known. I do scoff at the reality behind women who are very into designer clothes etc. I had a flatmate who would try to ge out of paying her share of the rent despite earning a lot more than me because she HAD TO drive around in a car bought new straight out of the show room (her first car to drive half the distance I would cycle!) and she HAD TO have expensive clothing etc. The same girl would scoff at me spending money on physio appointments to fix my knee etc etc. In the end she was a really tiring and boring person to be around and very self absorbed. She readily admitted that she choose her boyfriend based on the fact that he had a lot of money tied up in bonds and a perfectly symmetrical face. Meanwhile she didn't actually like him and treated him like shit but I think he came from a family with other women like her so he didn't know any different. Poor guy! Anyway lto cut a long story short - she was getting fat last time I saw her. All the designer crap in the world is no substitute for looking after yourself if you want to look good butt naked! Male or female! |
| Posted 04-15-2008 at 01:46 AM by Sharla |
| | haha you have such a low tolerance level for people it's funny! Have you ever met anyone who didn't wind you up and get on your tits? I imagine you've had some major fallings out and arguments in your time.... |
| Posted 04-15-2008 at 02:03 AM by Bilbo |
| | Well if want a girl who will scab money off of you to make car repayments and add to her wardrobe whilst her arse gradually and steadily expands in size I can try to hook you up with her. I think she was cheating on her partner in the end so even if he hasn't seen the light yet she might still screw you on the side. Just know she'd never date anyone without a perfectly symmetrical face. She has said that outright before and dumped a previous boyfriend when she noticed he wasn't quite that. Interested? I could try hooking you up with my current flatmate who is a legend. I've mentioned her to you before - did volunteer work in Africa, a former swimming champ that trained with some of Australia's current world champs as a junior, works now advising schools and child care centres no how to better look after challenged kids (disabilities, family problems etc etc). Oh wait a second she wouldn't shag you because she's with someone and she's the faithful type. Her birthday is only 3 days after mine too. Thing is who you don't want to be is always obvious and there are examples everywhere. Who you do want to be has to be your individual thing not a mimic of others to be genuine. So when talking about things like this the examples of who to avoid being are much easier to give. |
| Posted 04-15-2008 at 02:28 AM by Sharla |
| | Youre flat mate sounds nice for sure as did Lucy Lui. But if I came to Oz I'd only have eyes for you. Tantrums and strops aside you're perfect in every other way.  |
| Posted 04-15-2008 at 02:52 AM by Bilbo |
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