Building my confidence...

During the week I download this 8 cd program that is designed to build your confidence...

I am a VERY VERY VERY self assured person... I am always right.. And I always know it! I havn't met anyone in person in my life that I don't feel I could do a better job than them at something if I so choosed...
I am rarely outsmarted, and believe in myself more than just about anything... But for some reason i've been hit with a rather large dose of social anxiety my whole life...

As i've matured i've gotten more comfortable in social situations, but still if I don't keep at it, I can feel myself going back into that sucky shell that i'm so used too..

Anyway this program is cool. It was created to cater for the pickup/seduction community, but it is so much more...

Currently I am up to the 2nd step of the progam, and there is 5 steps..

Here is what they are..

Collection of Confidence

Step 1 - Write down your goals of who you want to become, how you want to feel, what you want to achieve.
I won't go into details of all my goals.. It was 3 very long pages of writting though before I felt like i'd covered everything that would make me content.... This was a very good thing to do in itself....

Oh I forgot to mention, with each step, it has a 20 to 40 minute trance/hypnosis that drills all these positive things into your head.. With step one, it help builds the belief that you can achieve your goals and get to where you want to, and can change anything that needs to be changed in order to achieve them.

Step 2 - Go out into a public place, see a girl who you would want to meet, then go 'as if' you were going to go up and talk to her,,,, then just stop, and feel what is going on in your head... What are the first thoughts that pop into your head..

This is the step i'm up to.. If you can slow yourself/brain down at that point of going up to a stranger, you can get a pattern of self defeating thought... I need to do this step for a lot longer, but for the couple of times i've done this so far, the general thoughts have been 1. "This is going to be awkwards because who just walks up to a stranger in public" 2. "This girl is going to think i'm hitting on her, and so will everyone else who's watching" 3. "I am probably going to be annoying her or interupting her day by going and talking to her"...

Pretty much they are the thoughts each time..
The part of this is to think of something else that could be other than what i've throught above... For the purpose of expanding reality and realising my thought's aren't right just because I think them.... So a possiblity could be that "even though she hasn't looked at me, she might be bored and enjoy someone talking to her", or "she might really need to ask someone a question but is to scared to ask anyone, but here I am"...
Then the 3rd part of this step is to come up with something really wild and crazy that COULD happen in some part of the universe at some time.. eg. "Her eyes nearly pop out of her head, she rips my clothes off, then chases me around saying i'm the hottest piece of ass she has ever seen and she wants to bang me infront of everyone"...

This is for the purpose of totally blowing reality open in your head, and realising that litereally, ANYTHING is possible.. And my stupid little 3 takes on the situation are NOT even close to being everything that it could be..

Step 3 - See the girl you want to talk to, and within 3 seconds you have to be walking up to her, and then just ask something like "Is your name Sarah?" she says no, and you say "sorry to bother you" and just walk off.

You need to do this 20 times a day for a whole week.. This is to get your body used to moving in the direction of your desire... You see the girl, and bang, no excuses, you go for it... It's also good to numb you to that whole thing, and take away your expectations of her having to like you or whatever... It just gets you in the habbit of walking towards the thing your afraid of.

Step 4 - Is really to be more assertive in everyday life... Social anxiety makes you a bit of a beta type person who goes along with everything everyone says.. Their are a couple of hypnosis tracks with this step to build assertiveness.

Step 5 - LOL, this is the fun one... Here you have to "put yourself out there"... Some suggestions were to wear a dress with a dildo on your head out in public... Go running in just a g-string.. Walk around a shopping centre and talk to people with sauce all over your shirt and your finger stuck up your nose...

The purpose of this is to get to that point (like after about 10 or 15 minutes) where you just don't fucken care what anyone thinks of you.. You stop associating yourself with this "ideal" image.. The image gets thrown out the window and you realise no one gives a shit, or at least you should not give a shit...

Another suggestion was to park somewhere like right at the front of a shop where you aren't supposed to, and just sit there... If someone comes out to tell you to move, just say, "i'm not moving"... It could be perceived as you being an asshole.. But it's putting yourself through a very socially awkward situation, under social pressure, and you have to sit with it.. Sit through it.. And get stronger from it...

But wearing a dildo on your head around a shopping centre?? How could anyone judge you and make you feel awkwards after you've pulled that off for a few hours...

The hypnosis tracks for all these are great.. I've felt myself getting a lot more comfortable and i've found myself starting a lot more conversations with people that just feel really natural,,, but when I think about it,,, it's really out of character for me and I wouldn't normally be talking this much.. So it has to be working..

I'll maybe post some details of my experiences when I start actually going up to girls or if I wear a dildo on my head..