So, I've just been sent home from work....

**brocktonblockbust** · 02-12-2018 11:17 AM

You work to live you don't live to work

**Batman** · 02-15-2018 11:41 AM

Just thought I'd give you all a quick update.

Monday I felt terrible, worse than I had before, I felt like I had made a massive mistake and that shit was going to come tumbling down around me. I felt sick for the majority of the day, once I got the day out of the way I realized that it wasn't too bad.
I'm feeling a lot better about it now, they have switched me off so I'm not getting any more new work at the minute and even though its only been three days I can actually feel the difference, I've got a few of my real shit files sorted now, I've got a load more to get through but I'm getting there.

It had got to the point where I was just getting home and watching shit on telly, some nights I was ready to go to bed at 8pm, I hadn't read a book for weeks, hadn't played my guitar or piano, I was waking up in the middle of the night thinking about certain files that I hadn't actioned or that I had fucked up on.

I think that one of my problems is that when it comes to social interaction I'm pretty shit, I've said on here before that I am pretty misanthropic and if someone asks me how I'm doing I find it difficult to lie to them, if I'm feeling shit then I'll tell you I'm feeling shit, it may not sound like a bad thing but it got to the point where all I could do was complain about work whilst I was at work and the fact that I choose to live alone meant when it consumed me I didn't have anyone to take my mind off it when I wasn't there, if I was still in a bad mood when I got home from work I would just brood on it and make myself feel worse.

I still shit myself everytime my phone rings because I'm worried about which one of my files I've fucked up on now but it'll get better over the next few weeks.

It might not sounds like a lot but I've never felt like that before and my managers shouldn't have allowed it to get to that point, I'm not the only one, there are plenty of others who I know feel exactly like me but they haven't hit the point where they have had to say anything yet.

I really do feel lucky that I have told them how it was getting me now though because I feel like I've caught it before it grew into anything serious, and at least if I do end up getting into this sort of state again then I can tell them about it.

El Kabong · 02-15-2018 12:07 PM

Anxiety, stress, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of dread and doubt, an external locus of control.....yeah that's some heavy duty stuff right there...nobody truly knows what a sense of dread is until it washes over them and boy that is just chilling when that happens. I mean even if you watch that happen to someone else it's scary....gives me the shivers.

That's terrible that you haven't felt in the mood to read (though that might be a good thing, depending on the circumstances), play guitar or piano, and you're still able to watch crap tv eh? That all sounds like it sucks pretty fucking bad. A couple of things you can TRY to help work yourself out of this rut 1. EXERCISE get out and do something to work your muscles out and get whatever little ray of sunshine you can get in the UK because that helps too. Exercising releases endorphins and melts negative stress away and sunshine also helps one feel happier. 2. Fake it til ya make it. So right now you're unhappy to say the least well take a little time, imagine what happy people (or people feeling how you would like to feel) are doing and then do those things and the idea is that in doing those activities you will then start feeling those feelings you associate with those activities ie the opposite feelings to whatever you're feeling now.

Now for this whole social interaction stuff I understand that some people are introverted and some people are shy and some people get nervous, but dude if you can post in a forum you can deal with people in real life. You ask questions, talk about current events, dude you read like some sort of roided up reading machine on crystal meth so I'm kinda saying you've ALWAYS got something to talk about and let me tell you lots of folks DON'T read, they don't have time, they don't enjoy it, they're too impatient, etc but what they DO have time for is a STORY now as a well read sob you know what you have a plethora of? STORIES! You can bring up literally any book you've read and it'll be interesting conversation trust me. As for people judging you, dude you've read more books than I can count, if there's something negative to say about that I'm having a hard time trying to find it and that pretty much covers for any other social disability you think you may suffer from. I mean 'Rainman' just shouted out random factoids and everyone seemed to do ok with him unless you touched him soooo don't be so fucking harsh on yourself. Don't build something up in your mind that is too big for you to overcome.

When I said that it might not be the worst thing if you don't opt for reading right now I mean that these negative feelings you're experiencing right now, those are internal, introspective feelings and reading is something where you kind of stay in your own head so I think you might could use a little reset. Reset yourself, clear out all the negative bullshit and in order to do that you're going to need to focus on something else, something external ergo physical exercise is a positive thing to pick up around this time. Get yourself up and moving and hell maybe try painting or sculpting or gardening or whittling hell anything where you're working with your hands and focused on something external.

**walrus** · 02-15-2018 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by Batman

Just thought I'd give you all a quick update.

Monday I felt terrible, worse than I had before, I felt like I had made a massive mistake and that shit was going to come tumbling down around me. I felt sick for the majority of the day, once I got the day out of the way I realized that it wasn't too bad.
I'm feeling a lot better about it now, they have switched me off so I'm not getting any more new work at the minute and even though its only been three days I can actually feel the difference, I've got a few of my real shit files sorted now, I've got a load more to get through but I'm getting there.

It had got to the point where I was just getting home and watching shit on telly, some nights I was ready to go to bed at 8pm, I hadn't read a book for weeks, hadn't played my guitar or piano, I was waking up in the middle of the night thinking about certain files that I hadn't actioned or that I had fucked up on.

I think that one of my problems is that when it comes to social interaction I'm pretty shit, I've said on here before that I am pretty misanthropic and if someone asks me how I'm doing I find it difficult to lie to them, if I'm feeling shit then I'll tell you I'm feeling shit, it may not sound like a bad thing but it got to the point where all I could do was complain about work whilst I was at work and the fact that I choose to live alone meant when it consumed me I didn't have anyone to take my mind off it when I wasn't there, if I was still in a bad mood when I got home from work I would just brood on it and make myself feel worse.

I still shit myself everytime my phone rings because I'm worried about which one of my files I've fucked up on now but it'll get better over the next few weeks.

It might not sounds like a lot but I've never felt like that before and my managers shouldn't have allowed it to get to that point, I'm not the only one, there are plenty of others who I know feel exactly like me but they haven't hit the point where they have had to say anything yet.

I really do feel lucky that I have told them how it was getting me now though because I feel like I've caught it before it grew into anything serious, and at least if I do end up getting into this sort of state again then I can tell them about it.

@Batman if you need someone to talk to Brock posts his phone number here on the forum every couple months trolling for friends. Just don't give him your real name or he will internet stalk you

**brocktonblockbust** · 02-15-2018 08:00 PM

551-358-3890 @Batman call me

**walrus** · 03-15-2018 10:35 AM

Needed to bring back batmans thread. I left work early last Sunday as I caught a laceration at the job. Needed to head to the hospital for stitches. I've been waiting for the company nurse to call me to get these stitches removed. I'm gonna have to head to the hospital now to get them removed, I think they are becoming part of my skin. This is the second time I received stitches from work. I get payed a decent wage but I'm starting to think it's not worth the risk of injury. Oh well, that's my bitch for the day.

#betterwithoutbrock