State of the Boxing Union: The Heavyweights.

How do I presume to fashion a definitive heavyweight order from such a ragged bunch I hear you ask. Well, with great difficulty is my reflex response. Needless to say, we have a less than stellar crop from which to pluck and place in some manner of hierarchy. Furthermore, in the highly likely event of your disagreement with my final choices, I bid you not to despair that I have taken leave of my good senses, but please do send me your thoughts on your particular preferences in this matter, or just remind me to take the medication. Prepare to be amazed, bemused, disgruntled or a peculiar arrangement of all three as I whisk you off to the land of the giants to, in the vernacular of our somewhat more streetwise peers, “see what’s crackin.’” Indeed…..ahem!

1. Vitali Klitschko: Surprise, surprise you say? Well, I find it highly distressing that you could possibly quarrel with the notion that the mighty Ukrainian champion whom sent Lennox Lewis fleeing in madness towards premature retirement and valiantly ended the challenge of a Corrie Sanders in peak physical condition does not deserve the crowning placement atop this list. Sarcasm is such a wonderful gift isn’t it? Of course, Lewis saw the tide turning and got out, and Sanders was all but out…of his mind accepting a fight with Klitschko while contemplating the senior PGA tour. Granted, you could yell fore at Klitschko before throwing a punch and he still may not dodge it. Our current WBC heavyweight champion is no defensive wizard, no fleet-footed dancing master, nor a revelation of tactical pugilism; he’s just a big fella with a good chin and right hand to match, but considering the state of the rest of the pack, we’ll take that for now.

2. Chris Byrd: I’ve got a joke for you right. There was this blown-up middleweight and a Nigerian nut-job in a mismatch….oh you’ve heard it? Ike Ibeabuchi is the only fighter I know that wore cowboy outfits, sparked out Chris Byrd in five rounds and celebrated by getting locked up for life. The spectacle of Byrd amongst the super heavyweights is a rib-tickler, but his results against them are no laughing matter, mainly because they indicate that he will be around a while yet. Undersized and outgunned, Byrd is a two-time championship escapee to my knowledge at the expense of Fres Oquendo and Andrew Golota who still can’t figure out why they are not world champions. If Vitali Klitschko’s poor shoulder didn’t start hurting, Byrd would barely have won a round in their fight, possibly extinguishing the myth that Byrd is a better fighter than Klitschko. What holds Byrd at number two here, is that he showed increased aggression and ability to out-craft, out-land and out-will a much larger fighter in his deserved win over Jameel McCline. Byrd’s wings need clipping, but unless you’re a relentless power puncher with the physical dimensions and appetite to exploit the fleeting chances Byrd gives, you’ve no chance.

3. Wladimir Klitschko: Talk about an Achilles Heel: great size, great skills, amateur pedigree, brains, looks equaling marketability, concussive power and yet, no chin! Also, I’m no multi-cultural guru, but I think most countries can appreciate that your average hard case or heavyweight champion for that matter may lose a little in street cred if seen posing naked with his brother or receiving a piggyback by said brother in full-on picnic at the beach mode. Not exactly Ukrainian customs I was privy to, but to each his own. Dubious photography issues aside, talent-wise, Wladimir Klitschko is the best heavyweight in the world; the above physical and mental attributes outline why it is such a shame that he cannot absorb punishment. A plus for Wladimir is that he is no Prima Donna; he is laid out and simply brushes himself off for another go; jolly good old chap. However, this time, if he listens to Manny Steward he might just survive his career without recognition as the Picasso of the heavyweights (you know, always on the canvas). Steward might never guide Klitschko to his true potential, but I think with the cunning use of phrases such as, “throw ze riiiiiight!” in the Detroit man’s best Russian accent, he might just be on to something.

4. Samuel Peter: It wouldn’t just be a “Nigerian Nightmare” if Peter failed to at least meet some of the expectations currently heaped upon him. In truth, having really beaten nobody of any real consequence or current ability, it’s a wonder that most of us gamble our reputations (being the editor means having nobody to say, “what reputation?” as required) on his success. Boxing fans can be fickle, cruelly dismissive, unrealistic, and sometimes, downright romantic with their expectations of a fighter, and Peter seems like the latest recipient of the affectionate overflow. The descriptive in the Byrd paragraph on a likely candidate to defeat the IBF champion was meant to make Peter’s ears burn. At worst, Peter is an enormously strong physical force, and at just twenty-four-years-old, he can only get better.

5. Monte Barrett: Standing firm and proud as one of the unlikeliest of an unlikely bunch, Barrett represents the fighter in this division whom is expected to lose to a promising foe, only to gate-crash the party and force a reconsideration of the whole scene. The fact that Wladimir Klitschko remains at an elevated position in these rankings is because one cannot discount what he did to the likes of Barrett; there was simply no competition between the two, which bodes ill for Barrett in a potential scrap with Klitschko the elder. In the ring, Barrett does many things well and is valued entertainment in victory or defeat; however, one feels that this current status of his might be fleeting. But if nothing else, as he told our site earlier this week, he’s got the looks: ah-ha.

6. Hasim Rahman: Dubbed Has-been Rahman by Lennox Lewis in the wake of the latter’s stunning fourth round knockout victory over the former; please note the modern alias of Might-be-again Rahman, which is admittedly not as catchy. Rahman is one of those fighters who would be agreeable to most if he would just shut up and fight, but he likes to gab more than most; that he can fight a bit and certainly punch with some venom means we’ll just have to put up with the verbal for a while longer. He is a shade below the eighties-to-early nineties generation of fighters, but certainly has enough to dominate the current division if he remains well-conditioned, forthcoming results pending.

7. Calvin Brock: I can’t believe it either. You do have to say that Brock proved something against Jameel McCline in that the quick combination that decked Brock had him hurt, but he got up and controlled the rest of the fight. The boxer, banker, tap-dancer and soon to be butcher, baker and candlestick maker has enough size to compete with bigger fighters, enough power to keep most heavyweights honest and obviously that key component to success at any weight: heart. In search of a title shot and a dance partner to boot? Well, Chris Byrd knows a few sidesteps and John Ruiz loves a good waltz. Brock as the heavyweight champion of the world? Not likely.

8. Nicolai Valuev: Yes, I took the medication, no, I never took acid to have experienced a flashback and yes, the reason for this shocker is simple: Valuev keeps winning. Russia’s Valuev is known as “The Beast from the East,” a moniker he is not wholly keen to exploit; an overly sensitive seven-foot-tall 300-pound fighter? Great. My knock on fighters the size of Valuev is coordination, or the lack thereof. However, reports are that Valuev possesses far more than the assumed dearth of physical fluency, which explains his infliction of early nights to several decent opponents throughout his undefeated run. As you may have guessed by now, each of these fighters listed has at least one glaring weakness and I suspect that if one is not forthcoming in his abilities, Valuev’s downfall may be his shy and retiring demeanor breeding an inability to develop a significant fan following.

9. John Ruiz: Riding to glory on the coattails of perennial ringmaster Don King meant that Ruiz’ struggle for credibility would always be uphill. Don King stole a championship through the courts with the idea of Evander Holyfield regaining it without having to go through Lennox Lewis a third time. What King did not bargain for was the utter decimation of Holyfield’s abilities as a fighter. Ruiz stood simply as the token opponent in King’s plan; it could have been anyone in King’s address book. If your career legacy relies almost exclusively on the misfortunes of others, it is likely that you are not worthy of your position. Yes, Ruiz defeated Rahman, Johnson, Golota and Holyfield, but find me a credible win amongst that quartet and I’ll find you a job in the miracle business.

10. Jameel McCline: The best heavyweight that never happened. McCline’s loss to Calvin Brock came as no surprise as it was clear that his camp did not go to plan regarding his weight and besides that, during the fight, McCline’s technique and inability to deal with Brock, who is no mystery signals the end of McCline’s championship pretensions. I leave him here at number ten simply because he is a very good heavyweight and anyone with intentions of moving up the rankings can do so with a win over a reputable fighter like McCline.

Jim Cawkwell can be reached at jimcawkwell@yahoo.co.uk