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Thread: Toilet Humour

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  1. #1
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    Default Toilet Humour



    Poo!!!!

    As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is
    inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is the
    Survival
    Guide for taking a dump at work.


    CROP DUSTING
    When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not
    in your
    area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't??know where it came
    from. Be
    careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
    expelled.
    Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.


    FLY BY
    The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check
    for
    other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
    back
    again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
    suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.


    ESCAPEE
    A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
    poo in
    a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
    embarrassment. If
    you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not
    happen. If
    you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did
    not hear
    it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved.
    Making a
    joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.


    JAILBREAK
    When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
    This is
    usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should
    happen, do
    not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom
    to
    spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.


    COURTESY FLUSH
    The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water.
    This
    reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the bathroom.
    This can
    help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.


    WALK OF SHAME
    Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after you have
    just stunk
    up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone
    walks in
    and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell
    does not
    exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.


    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER
    A colleague who poos at work and is proud of it. You will often see
    an Out
    Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
    under
    his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
    Closet
    Pooer before entering the bathroom.


    THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
    A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing
    goes off
    without incident. This group can help you to monitor the??whereabouts
    of Out
    Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.


    SAFE HAVENS
    A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
    expect
    visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite gender .
    This
    will reduce the odds of a pooer of your gender entering the bathroom.


    TURD BURGLAR
    Someone who does not realise that you are in the cubicle and tries to
    force
    the door open. This is one of the most??shocking and vulnerable
    moments that
    can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the
    cubicle
    until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
    uncomfortable eye
    contact.


    CAMO-COUGH
    A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that
    you are
    in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
    potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with
    an
    ASTAIRE.


    ASTAIRE
    A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that
    you are
    occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt??that the cubicle is
    occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so
    the
    pooer can poo in peace.


    WATERMELON
    A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This
    is also
    an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create
    a
    diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.


    HAVANAOMELET
    A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes in the
    toilet
    water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a Camo-Cough with
    an
    Astaire.


    UNCLE TED
    A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
    extended
    lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the??pot. An
    Uncle Ted
    makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
    always wait
    to??poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the
    other
    bathroom attendees
    Hidden Content SADDO'S FIGHT NIGHT RD4 CHAMPION, TAKING ON ALL COMERS ! Hidden Content

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Toilet Humour

    hahahah your one post away from seeing the board where this post belongs

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Toilet Humour

    i think you should write for saddo

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Toilet Humour

    funny stuff

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