Thread: Austrian jokes .... just for Leftylee !

Here you go .... a nice X-type selection to astound and sicken your friends with ....



What's the population of Austria?

About twice as many as you'd think

Austrian Women are like good wine....left to mature in a cellar.

Austrian authorities have said that Josef Fritzl has been improving as a father as of late.

In fact, police have said that he has "Been coming into his own".

I'm sweating like an Austrian at a family reunion.

So, a daughter in the cellar, and an axe murderer in the closet.


I can't help but feel the Austrians are taking the game of Cluedo a little too seriously.

Why don't Austrians care whether their lovers are 4, 14 or 40 years old?



Because one size Fritz-all.

Josef Fritzl from Austria had his daughter locked in his cellar for 24 years.

If only Karen Matthews could've thought of that.

I have just seen on TV about that Austrian bloke who imprisoned his daughter, sexually abused her and then fathered 7 kids.

I think it was called "The Sound Of Music".


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Does that make them the Von Trapped family??

Karen Matthews was asked what she thought of the despicable acts that have been going on in Austria for the past 24 years.

she said "it's bloody disgusting, 7 kids and only 1 dad"

(with apologies to the Fresh prince!)

Now this is a story all about how my
Life got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I become the prince of my house's Cellair

In west Austria born and raised
******* my daughter is where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool
and building incest dungeons underneath my pool
I took three kids out cuz they were all good
told my wife they were just children from the neighborhood.
I ****** just one of my daughters the police got scared
But they don't know the pin-code to my daughter's Cellair.

They called the partyvan and when it got near
The license plate said "AUSTRIA" and it had dice in the mirror
"you crazy" they said, "those ideas in your head are rare,"
I said, "cool homes, it's rape time, home, to Cellair!"

She crawled out the house after 7 offspring
And she yelled to the cops "Yo, I can't speak German!"
But I'm still pimping, I got three more lairs,
so come and party with me, in my second Cellair.

In my cellar, I've got Beer, a Dartboard and a Pool Table.
Trust the fucking Austrians to go one better.

Trips to Vienna for stag weekends have nosedived since it emerged that Austrians really do lock up their daughters.

When an Austrian man was asked when he should start to teach his daughter about sex education, he replied "You should keep them in the dark as long as possible."

Austrian police are pleased to announce that the Fritzl children are OK after living solely on sandwiches whilst in the dungeon.

They said its a good job they were interbred!

badum-tish ...

Theologians now reckon Jesus was Austrian:

He only had two grandparents, his mother watched as he was nailed and his father is the big man upstairs.