Thread: I Went Christmas Shopping Today

I had to do some Christmas shopping today. I would have waited till the very last minute but I was persuaded by the idea that waiting that long will land me in the middle of a Black Fridayesque stampede.

Well, long about checkout time I turn to grab a candy bar, a candy bar that I wound up not getting, because the man behind me had a pile of items on the belt that come close to throwing me off my feed. They were clumped in a tight little pile with the worst of the bunch poorly hidden in the middle of it all.

This is what I laid eyes on...

1 can of mixed nuts.
1 box of tissues
2 packs of wet wipes
1 economy size pack of... condoms.

I kinda half glanced at the man's face and he had a mustache. Now as I was turning back to face front I noticed hands that looked like they were exposed to a weekly treament of paraffin wax.

I had to excuse myself to the car. Sure, it was "cold out there." Fortunatly for me the cars here in the US have year round air conditioning.

Sounds like a hot date to me! Aweful nice of him to get the wet naps for when he goos her.

The kleenex is probs for jerking off on the puter.

Peanuts? Bit of energy and sustenance after either of the above.

I would appreciate some privacy when I am shopping. I didn't post what you had on the conveyor belt........

Candy bar my ass

Originally Posted by luvfightgame

I would appreciate some privacy when I am shopping. I didn't post what you had on the conveyor belt........

Candy bar my ass

Candy bar is clearly a code name for 7 inch long vibrating buttplug.

I went christmas shopping last night at a big shopping centre.. It really sux because even though it's quite busy, it's not the business that is the problem. It's that people get tunnel vision towards what they are looking at on the shelves, and they completely use their manners.. They'll just stand in the middle of an isle, like right there, and if they are even a bit fat, you can't walk past them....
Even when I am looking at shelves, I can see in my peripheral vision other people approaching and i'll take a step forward a little to let them pass.. But most of the arrogent pricks last night just kept their fat ass there.. At one stage 2 ladies were taking up a space about 2 yards wide and no one could get through...
The worst though was this big fat guy and his wife talking in an isle where my girlfriend had to get through.. I was standing about 4 or 5 yards away on the other side, and I heard her say excuse me, but they guy just ignored her.... Then she said it again, this time he turned around, looked at her, then turned back and started talking to his wife again, without budging... My girlfriend being the pistol that she is then grabbed the guy and pushed him into his wife and started to come through, but their son was also in the way.. She said excuse me to him too, but that useless cunt just stood there as well, so she pushed through him as well... You should have seen the incredible evil eyes that the man and they lady and some other people who were looking through my girlfriends way... But hey, if you're 50 and still havn't learnt any fucken manners, when are you going to? And obviously they have instilled no manners into their son either, so they deserve to be fucked with if they just want to be arrogant pricks...

The only display of manners I saw the whole night was this gorgeous little asian girl who was walking past a shelf that I was looking at, and she had to walk in front of me.. So she ducked right down to be below my vision, and then scurried along quickly to get out of my way.. If that wasn't enough, as she passed me she looked up at me smiling and said "sowwy".... She couldn't have been a day over 4 years old, but already has more manners and consideration than any of the 100+ adults walking around shopping with their head up their asses...

Originally Posted by CFH

Originally Posted by luvfightgame

I would appreciate some privacy when I am shopping. I didn't post what you had on the conveyor belt........

Candy bar my ass

Candy bar is clearly a code name for 7 inch long vibrating buttplug.

Maybe the candy bar IS for his ass??

One time at a friends house we were dieeeeeing for a cigarette, and we thought his older brother would have a pack somewhere or at least a cigarette somewhere... So we scoured his room, and then I lifted up the bed cover to look under his bed, and what do I find A porno magazine, and about 4 or 5 carrots scattered around it...

I never looked at him the same way again..

I tried to get my friend to make dinner and serve one of the carrots up to his brother for a meal, but you couldn't pay either of us to handle one of those bastards..

oops I thought the candybar was bought by the weird guy... sorry BG...

Originally Posted by Dizaster

oops I thought the candybar was bought by the weird guy... sorry BG...

haha too late.

Originally Posted by Youngblood

Originally Posted by Dizaster

oops I thought the candybar was bought by the weird guy... sorry BG...

haha too late.

Yeah I suppose people will read my first post and have a laugh before my post taking it back..

What can you do right?? I've worn out the edit button so I'll give it a rest for a day or 2..

Originally Posted by Dizaster

Originally Posted by Youngblood

Originally Posted by Dizaster

oops I thought the candybar was bought by the weird guy... sorry BG...

haha too late.

Yeah I suppose people will read my first post and have a laugh before my post taking it back..

What can you do right?? I've worn out the edit button so I'll give it a rest for a day or 2..

yea good call not editing. I had it saved on file just in case you did.

Originally Posted by Dizaster

oops I thought the candybar was bought by the weird guy... sorry BG...

I'm the weird guy?!? You should have seen the stuff he had on the conveyor belt.

A Twister game
a turkey baster
bucket of golf balls
5 hour energy shots
2 bottles of baby oil
and a mouth piece

WTF

Yeah and he held up the line having the checker call other stores to see if they had those socks that are like gloves for your toes?!? They didn't so he starts asking everybody else in line if they knew where he could get them. Something about cutting the toes off you get good grip and stay warm?

I'm the wierdo right

LOL

I thought the candy bar was for his ass...


Good stuff guys. Now you know why I vacated the premises. I can hear the folks gossiping now...

"So dat's wha Sonny ain't bin-a comin' round her' no mo. Lewk lahk dat bo' kuire."

Clubber was once lined up waiting and a simular thing happened except the guy in front of him asked the checkout chick how do you know what size condom is right for you?
She looked around and said "get it out I can help you" He unzipped and she grabbed his package and weighed it up and down then spoke into the microphone and said "medium to large pack of ten condoms for Isle no #3 please". Clubber seeing this thought this could get embarressing if i only got a small size!
But at least its my chance to get my dick held and shaken around a bit!
So he did the same thing, told the same story, and it all went down to plan.
She leaned into the mic and said"A bucket and a mop to isle 3 please".