Viz reader's letters

X · 04-14-2006 03:48 PM

Quality:

Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes this
summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports
personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation
with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never
shutting up about it makes me proud to be British. Ben Hunt

The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart
disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long
and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their
minds up. John

'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the com-mercial says.
Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30. Colum Hill

I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a
mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around
2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust
the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent
by DHL next day delivery. L Palmer, London

The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD
pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from
legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop
breaking the law, so will I. P Boddington, Ringway

Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like
to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's m!nge. He
hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh? P, Leeds

It really annoys me to see these suicide bombers blowing up people as well
as themselves. In my day, suicide was done in a more dignified way, such as
slicing your wrists in the bath, or hanging yourself from a door with a
belt. Paul Mulraney, Belfast

On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach the
final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a correct
answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy Clarkson
with?' to which I confidently replied '<unt'. Not only was I told the
answer was incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to leave the
premises immediately. Has anyone else experienced such appalling treatment
whilst holidaying with one's family? Noel, Leeds

My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board
cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to
make than this? Alun Daniel

I'LL never understand my neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping
his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked it in his own
drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both. Alan Thakray

I recently bought a fridge freezer from Currys, and after I had paid for it
they asked me for my address to arrange delivery. I told them that I lived
between Gateshead and Hexham, and if they rang me a week next Tuesday
between 8am and 7pm, I night be able to give them a six hour slot when I
would be able to take delivery. When they rang me, I told them that my
house was out of stock and they should ring back on Saturday. The shoe's on
he other foot now, isn't it, Currys? DF Kant

Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian
wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?

On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia
have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never
been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road. Alan J., London

I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I
was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous Countdown
"da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his final breaths.
Tripod

I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is
Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.
Stan

What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the
world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that. Thomas J