A guy at a bar late one night says to the waitress you know "I'd give you a thousand bucks if I could just give a little gentle bite to your nipples". She said thats a lot of money dude I'd have to think about that. She finally agrees and he get them out and teasers her nipples up, licking them gently massaging them up for a number of minutes and she says come on hurry up give them a nip. He says "What, No I couldnt possibly afford that"!
What do you get when you cross the Queen with Prince Phillip?
Killed in a fucking tunnel.
floyd trying to spell out g.o.a.t
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"