Arrest at heathrow airport

At London's Heathrow airport today, an individual later discovered to be a school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, log tables, and a calculator.

At a press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with transporting weapons of maths instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," Gonzalez said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, & sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have etermined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval, with co-ordinates in every country. They test the imits. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say: "There are three sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."