some of you may have read my story, I am slowly on the road to recovery!!! Just some humor I found somewhere....
The Rules for a Successful Breakup - The Dumpers Guide.
1. If unsure about your current partner, make sure you find someone else you’re interested in before breaking up
This will ensure that you won’t be lonely after the relationship ends. View it as you would when buying a new car…I mean, you wouldn’t sell your car and walk everywhere before buying another one would you?
You might even consider taking the new vehicle for a test-drive before relinquishing the old one. The same can be applied to relationships.
2. Be vague about your reasons for ending the relationship
Keep your ex guessing as to why you dumped them, they enjoy it. You can enjoy it too – change the reason every time you talk to them and contradict yourself. Make a game out of it - it really is fun. Your ex may seem upset by this, but don’t be fooled…they’ll be trying to figure out the real reason for months and may even employ some friends to help them. You’ve just given them a new hobby – what a nice person you are.
3. Tell your ex that you still love them and miss them
The person you dumped knows you don’t mean this - you dumped them afterall! This shows the dumpee that you’re a nice person and that you are only doing what is best for you…oops, I mean for *them* – yes, don’t forget that, you’re doing what’s best for THEM. Haha.
4. No Contact doesn’t mean a thing
Your ex may try to implement something called “No Contact”. As a dumper, you won’t know what that is – don’t worry, you don’t have to!! Call your ex as much as you like and at whatever time you like. They love seeing you and spending time with you – they said so the day you broke up with them, and that hasn’t changed. You’re doing them a favour.
5. Tell your ex that you’re not looking for a new relationship
Saying that you want someone new would hurt them - you haven’t done that so far… so why start now? Sneak around and date other people without telling your ex. If they ask, just say that you met up with a ‘friend’. They will never suspect a thing and won’t lay awake at night wondering if your ‘friend’ was more than that. If they do suspect something - just tell them that you love them and miss them again (they love hearing that, and it solves just about every problem).
6. Occasionally sleep with the dumpee
They have needs afterall, and it’s probably been a while for them. Sex is exercise, and will also release chemicals called endorphins. These chemicals make people feel relaxed and less stressed. If your ex is stressed about the break-up, they won’t be as stressed after sex. Once again, you have played therapist. You should feel good about this and shout yourself a manicure or a facial.
7. If your ex starts seeing someone else, call them..alot
Once again, you’re going to be considerate. Call your ex and ask them loads of questions – what the new person is like, where they met, do they like them more than you. Even sound a little jealous. You may think that this will confuse your ex? Not at all – they’ll love the fact that they have 2 people that like them (even though you’re only pretending). This will boost their confidence and make it easier for them to move on. To REALLY give their self esteem a lift, tell them that you’re thinking about getting back together with them – you’ll never see their spirits as high. This will give them the confidence and motivation to move forward in their new relationship – you’ve just given them and their new romantic interest the best gift in the world.
