Blighty Shit

I'm home for the 1st time in 7 years and have just been out for a curry. We do have Indian resturants in California but it's never hot enough. They're scared of getting sued by a white chap like me.

It was lovely to come home for a curry though. I mean, we did invent the food after all.... 8)

Unfortunately, after untold Cobra's and a shot or two (followed by lots of wine with the Old Girl), I am still up as I am on California time. It's actually 3 days since I had a kip but I am still thinking 8 hours behind.

Bastards >:mad

I'm going out tomorrow night in Chatham for the first time. What the fuck is a Chav ??? and why should I look out for them?

G'day Bro....

What the f**k were you thinking when you came back to this putrid excuse for a society??? You may still find pockets of civilization in some places, but for the most part we're living on borrowed time.


However, a chav is what we call any lippy little sonofabi**h that starts to mouth off at you, and believe me, if you're not living in a distillery, or on the Isle of Skye, you will be assaulted by a chav sometime during your stay. Basically, the main way to deal with them involves a very hard punch to the face, cause they are too idiotic to understand anything else. However, if hitting them doesnt work..I'm sure you'll have a rental car that you can pretend was stolen...and then ploughed into hordes of the little fu**ers.

cheers mate. Thats almost word for word what my Mum said (except for the part about get me some more Chardonnay, you little bastard)

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Originally Posted by taansend

cheers mate. Thats almost word for word what my Mum said (except for the part about get me some more Chardonnay, you little B******)

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Lol, I usually find that a bottle of Lambrini does the trick....you can usually get away with saying you were on the way back home when they provoked you....and in reality all you're losing is a £3 gallon of fizzy crap wine. Lambrini boys just want to get fucked is their *unofficial* advertising slogan.

Cobra's???


Like the 40's????



If you're drinking that you need help bro

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Originally Posted by Lyle

Cobra's???


Like the 40's????



If you're drinking that you need help bro

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Sorry bro...if you go out for a curry and you want a beer, you can either have a Cobra or a Tiger, which are the standards for Indian restaurants across this fine nation of ours.

I would merrily cut of my left leg to eat a lovely curry. Ive really been away from home for too long.

i'm was missing having a curry but the wife got all these spices and makes a better one than back home.... just need to find some back bacon and brown sauce and i'll be sorted over here ;)

;D Our German friends still have their German sauces over here, ours isnt the same apparently

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Originally Posted by Memphis

;D Our German friends still have their German sauces over here, ours isnt the same apparently

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hahahahaha you go in a supermarket over here mate and there is an whole row of sauces mate ((some really tasty ones)).... the food is better here shitload of choice.... just missing the back bacon.

another thing though i cant seem to find any small packets of crisps just there huge fuck off packets and there all fucking paprika flavour... not a sniff of salt and vinigar or cheese and onion.... better check ebay i guess ;D

Where are you now? Did you move to Turkey?

Hes probably got Turkish living next door. :D

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Originally Posted by Saddo

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Originally Posted by Memphis

;D Our German friends still have their German sauces over here, ours isnt the same apparently

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hahahahaha you go in a supermarket over here mate and there is an whole row of sauces mate ((some really tasty ones)).... the food is better here shitload of choice.... just missing the back bacon.

another thing though i cant seem to find any small packets of crisps just there huge F*** off packets and there all F****** paprika flavour... not a sniff of salt and vinigar or cheese and onion.... better check ebay i guess ;D

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I've got a few 6-packs of Salt and Lineker crisps from the 2002 World Cup I can give you for a good price son....we all know crisps mature like a fine wine. ;)

This rain is getting on my tits >:mad