Calzaghe talks on training for Roy Jones *MUST READ*

In a recent interview on British television today unbeaten light heavyweight boxing champion Joe Calzaghe talked about his new, innovative, training techniques he has employed for his last two fights. Joe Calzaghe beat Bernard Hopkins on a Split Decision earlier in 2008 and hopes to achieve a similar dodgy decision when he takes on Roy Jones junior in less than a months time. The pride of Wales has been taking a lot of stick in recent times, because he has fought fighters who are geriatrics. Bernard Hopkins, aged 73, knocked down Calzaghe in their fight in the first round. “It was a lucky punch” Calzaghe probably said. “I was trying to figure out Bernard in the first round, he definitely has an awkard fighting style and was confusing me see, I was like ‘Where the fuck is his zimoframe?’ Then he got me with a beautiful punch. But I showed my resilience, like a true champion, I got up and won the fight. I even dry humped him in the tenth.”

Joe Calzaghe struggled against Bernard Hopkins in the early stages of the fight before picking it up in the sixth round. It then became apparently clear B-Hop was in too deep against Joe Calzaghe, dropping to the floor himself in the tenth. It was ruled a low blow, but Bernard later explained to an unreliable source that he was having prostrate trouble and hadn’t had a piss for a few days. He also might have said that during the fight he got confused when the bell rang to signal the end of the round, was it time for him to sleep or take his pills? This was, explained someone close to Bernard, the reason why he went to the wrong corner at the end of round four. Whilst Bernard is seen as a cagey veteran with a sharp tongue and a master tactician Roy Jones Junior, the former pound for pound best boxer on the planet, has a much different technique. “Years ago, before Roy was washed up like I pointed out in my book a couple years back, Roy was lightning fast and a lot of folks reckon that boyo would have ripped my head off. True, he had a lot of speed but I am electrifyingly fast myself. It was tough getting in decent sparring partners to mimick Roys new style where he will throw a fast combination of two punches, then retreat, huff and puff for a while, do a gay little dance move and then maybe throw another punch before the round ends. Very tough indeed like.” Calzaghe could have said, but Joe thinks he has the answer.

“Basically,” said Calzaghe, maybe, “I have been going down the road to my local Tesco and standing by the til. We have a special line just for old age pensioners, which is the perfect environment for me to train in. What I do right is stand in line and sneak in a few counter punches as these guys count their change. Soon as a finger slips into a purse, bam, I have hit them three, maybe four times.” When quizzed on his knockout power Calzaghe perhaps had this to say. “I don’t know why the call me Calslappy, I knocked out Peter Manfredo didn’t I? Anyway, with these new sparring partners, I actually legitimately knocked one down in the dental area. They did however call it a slip as the floors were wet, but it’s not my fault if they didn’t put up a warning sign now is it, like. See, these OAPs are perfect for my training to fight Roy Jones, they complain a lot, want more money, seek attention and get knackered pretty quickly. I am confident I can beat Roy Jones, very confident indeed.”

By Fantana, author of Grabbing America by the BALLS, in a non-gay way