Major Holiday Parenting Tips

New Years Day-There arent any,except maybe, dont raise your voice,that hurts too much
Valentines Day- Your instinct when you see those packs of Valentines Day Card is to scream,"They want how much for those hunks of crap???" Spend an hour trying to help a 6 year old make his own Valentines cards. Youll be in the Supermarket in 5 minutes begging to spend that much for those stupid cards.
Easter-Remember where you hid EVERY egg. Because somebody will find it later. You'll be able to tell who, they'll have their finger over their mouth,and have a greenish complexion.
The 4th Of July- Do not let your kid light the fuse. Occupational therapy is expensive, bang snaps are cheap, and they really cant tell the difference as far as setting them off.
Halloween-You have a parental right to helping yourself to some candy as payment for the yearly digging through the bag looking for the mythical razorblade. Remember though, keep in mind what you like, and your kid doesnt, it saves you from having to explain where the piece of candy they were looking forward to went. Because they will remember not getting it for forever.
Thanksgiving- If your doing dinner,do not let your child stay within the same area code while your cooking.Turkeys are heavy, and awkward to cook, small children are small and easy to miss and move quickly. You do the math.
Christmas-First off, no matter what cookie you were just about to throw away because its gone stale, your child will invariably find it and decide,"Thats what Santa wants" this is fate telling you to clean out your cubbord more often. 5AM comes faster then you expect,and trust me,thats when your waking up,the same child who has to be cattle prodded to get out of for school,suddenly becomes an early riser. There has never been a child once, who looked forward to getting clothing.

I got one for you....
DON'T go for tapas with your mates and leave your daughter and a toddler in the hotel room alone!

Better to spend a tenner on a babysitter, than £1 million of other peoples money on a search effort.

And spend a fair bit of that paying off your own mortgage;D