A duck

waddles into a bar and asks, "Have any grapes?"

The bartender calmly replies, "No," and the duck waddles out.

The next day, the duck waddles in and asks, "Have any grapes?"

The bartender looks at the duck, and says, "Nope. Not today either, " and the the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles in and asks the same question. The bartender glares at the duck and says, "No, this is a bar. We normally don't have grapes here."

The duck replies, "Oh, I see. Thank you," and waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles in and looks at the bartender. The bartender glares back at the duck. The duck then opens his bill and asks, "Have any grapes?"

The bartender is now really angry and explodes, "Look! We don't have any grapes here! If you come in again and ask for grapes, I'm going to nail your webbed feet to the floor! Got it?"

The duck replies, "Got it," and waddles out.

The next day was Sunday, and the bar was closed, but, on Monday, the duck waddles in.

The bartender looks warily at the duck and through tense lips asks, "Can I help you?"

After a pause, the duck inquires, "Have any nails?"

The bartender taken aback replies, "Uh, no. No, we don't have any nails."

The duck asks, "Well, do you have any grapes?"


http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/75a...ee?rel=by_user

A Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

An old Italian guy lived alone in New Jersey .

He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,
Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man
and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,
Vinnie

ohhhhh a crap duck joke thread ;D

ok i have one from when i was a kid... it was voted worse joke ever on some show at the time so here goes....


Q: whats the difference between a Duck











A: One of its legs is the same ;D

Yeah theres trouble with Ducks and jokes..
I like: whats the difference between a duck and an accountant.
The accountant can stick his bill up his ass. ;D