so ya fuck the niceities

people seem to die around me all the fucking time. not being melodramatic, just kind of how it is. no idea what our mortality rate is here, or that of people close to me. but it has to off the fuckin charts. i wrote not long ago, about a dude i know...April first (of all fuckin days) who went and hung his dumb self in the park we used to chill at...close to his girlfriends place, day after she broke off with him. tragic huh? ya i thought so. felt pretty sad about it. that was what...bit over 3 weeks ago.

and then there is today., where my best friend just up and ODs.and im not sad at all, im pissed off.

you don't get many really good friends in life i would imagine. like, best friend types. but i had a few, and we called ourselves the crew. we been together a long time. and the longest of all of us, my friend Luke. we've known each other since grade 3. he joined boxing with me. has had a few fights. we see each other every day. EVERY fucking day. could tell him anything, heard about everything from him, and so it goes.

and now just like everyone else close to me, i spare the niceties i posted elsewhere today, to say FUCK YOU buddy, and what the hell were you thinking? fucked around with drugs and just kept going and going and just like that...u decide to do fentanyl patches and drink with a buncha your brand new asshole druggie friends...and up and die on me.

And reading all these "I miss you so much" posts from 1000 people who didn't know you at all...even wrote a few myself to be politically correct, but it wasn't the truth. ya i miss him, but not in the nice way...in the ...what the fuck dude...u stupid selfish fucking idiot... way. :-\

My condolences bro. I just found out about 3 months back that one of my close friends in high school committed suicide in '05. We had a falling out in our senior year and didn't keep in touch and I just found out about it from one of our mutual friends from hs when he's been gone for 6 years already and really didn't make amends. What can I say. Shit just happens bro.

well this guy was my BEST fucking friend. and i talked to him hours before he died. like i talk to him every day. just not any more i suppose...because he is a STUPID, FUCKING IDIOT

Sorry to hear that mate.
My best friend was a selfish prick back in the day. Stabbed himself through the heart in front of another mate of ours all in spite of life. Not caring for anything other than a drug and alcohol fueled existence led into it all. The other mate that he did it in front of is a mess too he is a street druggie now I believe, probably dead too :-\.
Lost heaps of the ones i grew up with mate. One even got whacked.
You cant choose their lives for them my friend or expect them to live any way other than how they choose to. Such is life. If a few people learn something from it then it isnt all pointless I suppose.

My condolences Youngblood.

How old are you Youngblood?

thanks for the 'sorry' stuff and all, but really not looking for that. I'm 16 yrs old. almost 17. have seen so many close friends die, that you might want to think twice before befriending me. friends 2x2 walking in front of transports, in front of cars late at night going home, shootin themselves, hanging themselves, druggin out...i don't think I am fucking with the numbers at all to say you got a like 5 yr window once you get close to me before your ass ends up on the wrong end of the living a long life hope bet..at, like 50/50 u don't make it past 5.

i know it is just some kinda weird fucking numbers/probability deal, like, you know, some guy wins the lottery somewhere...and somewhere else there is a person like me with these shit numbers. and when all is said and done it all works out...

it isn't just that i'm mad at my friend for his stupid fucking choices, though I am currently. I'm fairly pissed off at the law of averages and how badly I am getting screwed by them in the friend and family mortality rate.

Yep same here, at that younger age too, it seemed that once we all got our freedom we as a group started dropping off in all the ways you have mentioned.cars ,bikes even a tractor flipped on one twit who was being a nut, hung ,stab, cancers, ods. It ceases in mid life for a long while then the old age thing is there taking them in droves again.

That sucks man, I'd be fucking gutted if I lost my best mate. I mean we've been best mates for 25 years and in all that time I've barely made any other friends. :-\

Hope you're doing ok and that you only take the anger out on your next opponent rather than yourself.

It's hard really to empathise online with someone you've never met, but losing a best friend ain't far off losing a parent or brother.

I know CFH had a mate kill himself a couple weeks back too.

Some Canadians are a right miserable bunch it seems, ending themselves more often than the Welsh. Glad to see that my two forum favourites are still going strong though.

Obviously no adivce I can offer, fuck at 16 I think you have already lived and learnt more than most of us saddos on this forum.

Wouldn't want be the guy in the other corner next time you lace up though.

Had exactly the same thing last year my mate threw himself in front of a train - bright guy just got a maths and chemistry degree nice girlfriend house the works. Got depressed for no aparent reason had a minor fall out with his girlfriend said nothing just walked out and jumped in front of a train.

I'm the same as you pissed off at him - why didn't he come and talk to me. I lost 3 friends in all last year including this guy. One of them from cancer the other from a heart attack both under 40 but in a way I can handle that cos that's life. This guy though just threw it away.

Damn....I don't know what to tell you Youngblood. All I can say for myself is if you ever need to vent or need someone to listen to you then I'm here.

Life can be very tragic as you've found out. When I was your age I too struggled with loss. I didn't lose friends, but family members but it was psychologically and emotionally taxing nevertheless. Each passing year brought new loss to me: Grandfather, Great Grandmother, a couple of Great Uncles, and the most devistating my 12 year old cousin. Since then I've lost more family members and even some friends, some like your friends selfishly and needlessly at their own hands. My life goes on, the why and the how are unknown to me but I press on and I hope you can do the same...the strong press on, and though I do not personally know you I can sense a strength in you.

Sorry for ur loss youngblood

Well I didn't even know what this drug was. On the Wiki, Wilco's ex guitarist died from it.

Just take care of yourself bro, and remember your not selfish or absorbed like that, weak! I've described in past here about finding my friend as a teen hanging in the garage. Had two off train tressel and couple of od's. The run of anger and sadness can severely fuck a dude up and that discolored face never leaves. I don't know why people come to that. My sister Kathy 'attempted' months ago. Not only do they steal from who they leave behind but also tell ya you don't mean shit to em, rebuff friendship and trust by leaving us to endure. Hearing a mother say she failed because a child trys to throw away life put me through the fucking roof! Bullshit! SHE failed and fucked up. It's a vicious cycle in that we get angry and confront but fear pushing one closer to edge....try to understand and talk it out, put her in counseling and it's thrown in your face and ignored. What's left? Do or say nothing, wait for phone call. All you can do is understand some are determined to be dark and they embrace it, not a damn thing some can do to change it and comes down to the individual purely. Just shelter or be rock for survivors left, parents and children. Everyone sees horror and hardship in life. Some have serious medical probs that cannot be reversed and figure they are saving others pain?! You can cave in and wallow in it or you can
rise above... if for no other reason then you have to own your own situations and take
care of business. You don't kill yourself , you kill others also. Off on a rant myself young blood, just remember the good of your boy, know it wasn't for nothing , and don't EVER blame yourself. If he had family and they reach out, reach back.

Never had a best friend die on me, but have had to go through my mom and pops dying. My condolensces buddy. Dont think about the negative, just try and remember the good times, shit we all make mistakes in life. Nobody gets out alive, and they say only the good die young. Time heals all wounds. Stay positive my man.

I suppose the stages of grief are that, stages. for where I once was pissed off, now i just can't stop crying.

He may have lost his final battle, but is leaving this world undefeated in the ring. He was only a 120 lbs, but when he hit someone it was like you were getting hit with iron. Loved and respected by so many, and my best friend:

RIP "The Duke"

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