More Questions from X

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

You're 0 for 2 X. You left out why do we speak loudly to people who don't understand our language. Like yelling at them is going to make them understand. Just kidding about the 0 for 2.

LOL funny stuff

I got a few minutes to kill X , I'll do my best.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Johhnie weismoller was a closet homsexual actor.

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Same reason we press hard on bitches when when they stop working correctly!

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? Cause they are the real C-Unts in society.
matter of fact we need to organize an open season specially for them and real estate agents.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
They didnt ,they wore battle ship funnels.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Cause Im a famous prankster mathamatician.

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
Shitfelt wrainwright the turd.


What is the speed of darkness? - 126,000

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
They dont if they get head.

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
Yes the majority is reserved for us.

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
"Go and GeTT f ucked."

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Dementure or death is the only escape at a certain point.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Because you can't wheel your luggage around in thick moon dust :rolleyes:

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Because its cheaper and more relaxing than staying on the ground shopping with the wife and kids.

Did you ever stop and wonder......
About What?
SH!t ,dam, yes ok.. you got me!

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
One of those nasty girls from the same country that made those donkey cum videos. German women .

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass.'
Hilda von gerkenfeld.

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Germans again...


Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
In the summer in eskimo land its light for six months of the year so they dont need a light to get their icepoles out.We are on the end of the food chain where ice is concerned so they wont change it.


Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is?
Same reason they walk into a watchmaker/jewller and get their dick out and say "oK can put a face and two hands on this for me."

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
They are all men, they hate foreplay.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
This answers its own question. when a dog is on all fours the one behind becomes erect,they are dogs /dogs are gay.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
must be testical?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Ohhh fuken whales.:eek:

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Asshole japs and their illegal fishing we should get some electrons and shoot it up those morons.

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
No but dislexics get more from it.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
So does the rest of my family?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Turning around and facing all the people in the lift makes it go alot faster too.

good stuff;D

I'm confused between this new Sarah's Law and Shariah Law. Can I use it to find out where Muslim paedophiles live?

And what about the Government's new Islamic Bond. If Ian Fleming knew he'd turn in his grave!

I bought Gazza's old car on ebay the other day. It's useless though - every time it reaches 40 it has a break down.

In point of fact if Im chewing gum(mint) my dog loves if I blow in his face

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
The chimps pluck it for him, I imagine. He could be half Cherokee.

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? That's how they got flat in the first place, isn't? If you don't mash the flicker the batteries will stay round.

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? What they know is that your too lazy to make a deposit.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? To trick people into thinking their just passing through.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Bilbo has been counting them for the past 15 years.

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? So when they have to tell people they have a lisp everyone will hear what one sounds like. Two birds with one stone.

What is the speed of darkness? How fast you get knocked out?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours? Oh, they mean human babies?! :o

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics? Not sure. Mom always drops me off near the main gate.

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? -2

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? No, married people die fat, bitter and between 40 and 50 years of age.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Once we got to the moon people thought we'd done it all and got lazy.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Telescopes are free but holding one eye shut is a royal pain.

Did you ever stop and wonder...... and I cry

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?' I'm pretty sure he was half queer.

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass.' I'm pretty sure he was 100% queer.

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Pumpernickel cooks slower because it's black to start with.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? The light would bust from the cold.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is? Maybe not in the UK

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? To give you time to check for tail grout.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! Well, Mick and I are both humans and look at him. Mister upright!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? testy

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? baby whales

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? No.

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Patterns make it easy for children to learn

Stop singing and read on.......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Certainly. Most can at least spell their name.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Yeah, he thinks your teasing him about going for a ride. And your breath stinks of fish.

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Yes

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Originally Posted by BoxingGorilla

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics? Not sure. Mom always drops me off near the main gate.

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? -2


Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Pumpernickel cooks slower because it's black to start with.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? The light would bust from the cold.



Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? To give you time to check for tail grout.








Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Yes

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;D humour and :rolleyes: lateral thinking.

My favorite mixture.

The Welsh mining industry looks set for a come-back......

Apparently they've found some copper in Snowdonia.

Actually, with the satellite remotes, it really does help to press harder on the buttons when the batteries are low so the channel will still change. 'Course when they run out completely you can mash them with a hammer and it will do no good. :rolleyes:

BTW I never actually realized Little Star and the Alphabet song had the same tune!! A lot of those songs are like that.

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Originally Posted by Clubber

Actually, with the satellite remotes, it really does help to press harder on the buttons when the batteries are low so the channel will still change. 'Course when they run out completely you can mash them with a hammer and it will do no good. :rolleyes:

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With mine I do have to press harder when the batteries are low as there is a tiny tiny hairline crack in the circuit board going over one of the metal lines.. When the batteries are new, somehow the electrical signal jumps over the tiny tiny tiny gap, but when they start to get low, I have to press the button down hard so the circuit board bends and the 2 signals sides touch and the signal can go through..
But that's kind of special circumstances.

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Originally Posted by X

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

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I've got this one :-)

If it's zero degrees Fahrenheit, that equals -17.78 degrees celcius.
So twice as cold would be -36.56 degrees celcius. ;D

If you really want to get technical then, convert -36.57 degrees celcius back into Fahrenheit, it's actually about the same... -36.5 degrees farenheit..

So the answer is 36.5 whichever way you look at it..

Unless the original ZERO temperature was in celcius - Which would equal 32 degrees Fahrenheit... Half that and you get 16 degrees Fahrenheit..

Convert that back to degrees Celcius and you get -8.89 degrees..

Wow, you can take your pick there... But I figured it out.. :lickish:

Why are there no casinos in China?

Because the Chinese hate Tibet.

Hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?


He sold his soul to Santa.

How could the authorities know for sure whether the Tibetan spiritual leader was telling the truth or not?

They used Dalai detector.

Am I the only one to notice that 'therapist' is spelt the same as 'the rapist'?

What is the most stupid animal in the jungle?

A polar bear.

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Originally Posted by X

How could the authorities know for sure whether the Tibetan spiritual leader was telling the truth or not?

They used Dalai detector.

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They used Dalai detector on Richard Gere?

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.
By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.


THE SITUATION

You are in England, York to be specific.

There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.

This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water.

Nature is unleashing all its destructive fury.

THE TEST

Suddenly, you see a man in the water.

He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.

You move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar...
You suddenly realise who it is... It's Gordon Brown!
You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.

You have two options:

You can save the life of Gordon Brown or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo,
documenting the death of one of the country's most powerful men!

THE QUESTION

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer............





Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

You know what I reckon would bring an end to knife crime in London overnight?

Guns.

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Originally Posted by X

You know what I reckon would bring an end to knife crime in London overnight?

Guns.

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What would end to gun crime in the U.S.? A bomb.

Radovan Karadzic is a mass-murdering terrorist with an violent hatred of muslims.

Hmmn

What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking unplugged.

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Originally Posted by X

What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking unplugged.

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:lol:

Who is the Hindu Goddess of Hair?

Condishna

What's a muffin?







....a pair of knickers

With all the spam we get for penis-enlargement pills you'd think by now someone would have invented a pill to shrink vaginas instead?

How do you turn a Duck into a Soul Singer?

Put it into a microwave until it's Bill Withers...

How do shepherds count their flock without falling asleep?

Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?

If you dug a hole through the center of the earth,and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

How far east can you go before you're heading west?

If you were to get drunk in a country where the drinking limit is under 21, and went to the states and were still over the limit, could they arrest you for underage drinking even though you did not do the drinking in the states.

Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.

Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

How fast do hotcakes sell?

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal?

Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

How come cats butts go up when you pet them?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?

What happens when you put a lightsaber in water?

How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?

Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more?

If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If you ate yourself would you get fatter or just disappear ?

What has four legs and one arm?

A Pit bull in a playground.

LOLz that has to be the funniest thing i have read all day.

If sperm is good for your skin and makes it look younger, then how come my hands both look the same age?

What if the Hokey Cokey really is what it's all about?

The bloke who lives next door has had both of his feet amputated , and i'm really starting to dislike him .

Do you think that i'm lack toes intolerent ?

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Originally Posted by X

If sperm is good for your skin and makes it look younger, then how come my hands both look the same age?

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Yes and how cum porn actresses get old. :)