Do you know what really makes me smile ?
Facial muscles
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Do you know what really makes me smile ?
Facial muscles
A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled" The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck"
I went to the Zoo and some fool dropped a Penguin into the Polo bear pit the bear
was going mad trying to get the wrapper off.;D
I got some sick jokes not sure if you all ready for them so don't take it to serious okay? its includes some shitty stuff that happen a few days ago. It's about a mass killing in a school in trollhättan. a guy walked in with a sword and killed one teacher and one student.
Ida: Whats the most popular fish in Trollhättan?
Alex: Swordfish....
Ida: Why did he kill people in school?
Alex: He wanted the american exchange student to feel like home
don't judge, people are sick and put these jokes out there.
How do we know what Father Christmas has for dinner?
He posts it on Santagram.
You can check his bank account for groceries, he’s with Santander.
Why does not anyone trust Jeremy Corbyn to put up the Christmas tree?
Because it always leans to the left.
Why don’t Volkswagen hold Christmas services?
They get their readings wrong.
Why did Santa pour lemsip into the chimney?
He was coming down with the flu
I've decided its time to sell all my dogging gear on ebay. No bids yet but plenty of people watching.
A policeman knocked at my door last night. He held up a picture and asked is this your wife sir? I said yes. He said I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus. I said I know, but she's really good with the children.
I have a phobia of German sausages.....I always fear the wurst
Adam Johnson has had his contract with Adidas terminated. Shame, if anyone was tailor made to wear predator boots it was him.
My wife came home last night smelling of candy floss. I think she is having a fair.
I have started ballet lessons. It keeps me on my toes.
My wife is leaving me because she claims I act like a baby. I almost choked but luckily she was there to wind me.
i can believe thatQuote:
Originally Posted by Master
A Catholic Priest and a Jewish Rabbi are hanging out at the park. A little boy walks by and the Priest says to the Rabbi: Wanna fuck him? The Rabbi replies: Out of what?
How do you turn a duck into a famous soul singer ?
You simply put him in a pre heated oven set at 220 degrees .
Then you take him out when his Bill Withers.
This bench is dedicated to the men who lost the will to live whilst following their partners around the shoe shops of Chester.
Which Farmer can run a chemist
Farmer A Farmer B or Farmer C?
Tribute to Ronnie Corbett
The French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the grape traders sit in.
A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the road. motorist are asked to be on the look out for the hardened criminals.
We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says she can no longer make ends meet.
They found a dead man under the bridge yesterday covered in corn flakes. They think it was a cereal murder.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand.
This is a message for several honeymoon couples in a hotel in Pebbles: Breakfast was served 3 days ago.
It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of 2 men, Laurel and Hardy.
Did you hear about the African American who fell down and smashed his knee? Now he is black and blue.
There was a fire at the main Inland revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done.
West Midlands police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms.
2 rats in the sewers having a moan, Roland says - Shit for Breakfast, Shit for Dinner and Shit for Tea, Ronny Replies - Don't worry, were on the piss later
why west midlands? are there lots of trannies there?Quote:
Originally Posted by Master
It could be any police in general.Quote:
Originally Posted by erics44why west midlands? are there lots of trannies there?Quote:
Originally Posted by Master
My mate is a massive F1 fan. I prefer Ctrl and Caps Lock Shift.
Pffffffffft. BWAHAHAHA that's my kind of joke....love it!Quote:
Originally Posted by Master
My sons cat died and he asked for another one just like it. Why he wants two dead cats, I do not know.
I am often accused of eavesdropping. I just wish they had the guts to say it to my face.
Ironman is a superhero. Iron Woman is a command.
I would like to buy a new boomerang but could you tell me how to throw away the old one please?
Woke up with a dead leg this morning, this is the last time I will take out a loan from the Mafia.
Did you hear about the Punjabi kid who disappeared at school one day? He got accused of playing Hide & Sikh.
Just bought Bonnie Tyler’s goalkeeping heroes DVD. It’s just totally clips of Joe Hart.
You will realise it is never too soon.