Those were quality jokes by Memphis of course it was me.
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Those were quality jokes by Memphis of course it was me.
Lol, great thread. :D
We've probably heard these before but for a laugh -
What's the difference between a zit and a priest?
A zit will wait till your 12 till it comes on your face.
Why did the guitar teacher get fired from school?
For fingering a minor.
Why does Dr Pepper come in a bottle?
coz his wife died.
What has 20 feet and smells of piss?
The conga at an old people's home.
A sign outside a church says "What is missing Ch__ch".
whats got 14 windows that wont open?
keith chegwin's advent calendar.
A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?" .... see my point ?
A guy takes his wife to her high school reunion , and he notices she keeps staring at a man on the next table who is drinking heavily.
He asks her " Do you know him " ?
The wife reply's " He used to be my boyfriend , when I broke up with him he has been drinking ever since ".
The husband reply's " WOW I didn't think anyone could celebrate for that long " !!!!
Nice joke there Al.
Now here's one:
Morrissey.
What does the bully astronaut say to the new astronaut on the international space station?
"You're dead outside".
Read these jokes they are classic.
Q: Name the site Chewbacca created to give out Empire secrets.
A: Wookieeleaks
Q: Which app do Jedi use to open PDF files?
A: Adobe Wan Kenobi
Q: What did Yoda say when he gave Luke Skywalker his sports car?
A: May the Porsche be with you
Q: Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothes?
A: At the Darth Maul
Q: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?
A: To get to the Dark Side
Q: What is a stormtrooper's favorite TV show?
A: Game of Clones
Q: Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?
A: So it doesn't Hang So-low
Q: Why can’t you count on Yoda to pick up the bar tab?
A: He's always a little short
Q: What do you call a pirate droid?
A: Arr2-D2
Q: What do you call a Jedi in denial?
A: Obi-Wan Cannot Be
Q: Which Star Wars character works at a restaurant?
A: Darth Waiter
Q: What do you call someone who tries too hard to be a Jedi?
A: Obi-Wannabe
Q: Why is a Jedi knight never lonely?
A: Because the Force is always with him
Q: What kind of money do they use in space?
A: Star-bucks
Q: If Darth Vader was a Disney character, what song would he sing?
A: "When You Wish Upon A Death Star..."
I hope I haven't posted one before.
The parable of the clever son.
An old man lying on his deathbed summoned his three sons.
“I will give each of you a penny, my children,” he said in a trembling voice. “The one who can buy something to fill the whole house with will inherit my house and all my possessions.”
The first son went out and bought a bale of hay but the hay was barely enough to fill even the smallest room.
The second son went out and bought a cart-full of feathers but the feathers were barely enough to fill a second room.
Then the third son went out and bought a little candle.
“A candle?” laughed his brothers, “What a fool”.
But when he lit the little candle, the house filled with light and the two brothers were amazed.
Proletariat version:
Wait! I’m in this too!” said the fourth illegitimate son, bursting into the room.
“Go back to the stables, Bastard! You have lots of work to do!” said the brothers.
But then the bastard son let out a long, intense fart, which filled the whole house instantly.
“There,” he said. “And that was for free. Who’s the bastard now, then?”
A young lady goes to the doctors doctor I am have discharge he says drop your knickers get on the table he gives her a good internal exam he says how does that feel Marvelous but the discharge is coming out of my ears.;D
"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day."
Ha haQuote:
Originally Posted by Master
The guy that invented predictive text died and his funeral is on monkey.
I had reoccurring dream once.
I got a neck brace and have never looked back.
I've recently joined a Reggae band, I play the triangle.
I don't do much apart from stand at de back an ting...
Paddy and Murphy on a building site ,
Paddy says " I want a day off on the sick , I'm going to pretend I'm mad"
So he climbs up to the rafters and hangs upside down and shouts "
I'm a lightbulb ! I'm a lightbulb !"
The foreman shouts " Paddy your fucking mad go home"
So he leaves the site and goes home for the day.
So Murphy packs away his tools to leave as well.
The foreman says " where do you think you are going ? "
Murphy says " Well I cant work in the fucking dark can I ? "
Her: I hate when a motherf-cker a soon sh-t
Me: When they what...
Her: A soon sh-t without knowing all the facts
Bwaaaaaaa🎳♠♣🌚🌚🌚🌚🌚🌚🌚 HAHAHAHA
Joe: owadda
Bill: huh?
Joe: kinchar
Bill: wtf????
Joe: owaddakinchar
Bill: take that fucking gum out yet mouth Joe
Joe: oh what a cunt you are!
What's the difference between bird flu and the pig flu?
To cure the bird flu, you need to seek tweetment, for the pig flu all you need is to apply a little oinkment.
This just in:
Caitlyn Jenner claims Bruce fondled her for decades.
bwaaaaHAHAHA 😂 😂😂 😂😂 😂😂 😂😂 😂Quote:
Originally Posted by greynotsoold
Man - "Shall we play the rape game luv?"
Woman - "No!"
Man - "That's the spirit"
I know a white guy who says he is not white..... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Why did the moron bang his head against the wall?
***BECAUSE IT FELT SO GOOD WHEN HE STOPPED****
Here is another one dna heritage tests are in accurate and a scam they fuck up identicsl twin results hahsha
And someone says these prove he is not white
DNA kits – how do they do the testing
The first thing we need to make clear right up front is that none of the DNA kits by mail test 100% of your DNA. They actually look at a tiny portion, much less than 0.1%, of your DNA, then compare that to a database of DNA that each company creates from all of these tests.
They don’t compare whole genes, which contain up to 27,000 nucleotide base pairs. Actually, these DNA testing companies look at SNPs, which is one single base pair in the gene. Though the SNP may indicate a key difference between genes, it’s sampling one tiny portion of a gene.
Currently, a company such as 23andMe has identified 600,000 SNPs, or about 6% of the 10 million SNPs in the human genome. In other words, these companies are making conclusions without a full analysis of the other 9.4 million SNPs which obviously have much more data that could be critical in disease diagnosis and ethnicity.
This is the first step where error is introduced into the equation. If these DNA kits say you are 38% German, what’s the error around that number. Does it vary from 0% to 76%?
Just to be clear, paternity tests are extremely accurate. They compare a handful of DNA loci between two individuals. The more that the loci are exactly alike, the higher degree of relationship between the two individuals.
But let’s assume that the results are accurate. What can these home DNA kits really tell you about your ethnicity?
Are you related to William Shakespeare?
The answer is that a DNA test isn’t ever going to answer this question. If you can prove you’re a direct descendant of Shakespeare, it’s not going to be through home DNA testing.
Let’s look at this way. Shakespeare’s children are, based on random genetic inheritance, only 50% related to Shakespeare (the other 50% related to the mother). Shakespeare’s grandchildren will only be 25% related to him.
If you consider that there’s been 16 generations since Shakespeare (assuming 25 years to a generation), any direct descendants of him would share 0.00153% of his unique genes (see Note 1). In other words, DNA testing could not possibly tell you if William Shakespeare is your great great great etc. grandfather.
The only way to make that claim is through actual historical records and genealogy. You’d have to establish that relationship between you and him apart from DNA testing.
Are you 38% German?
This is where things are problematic. Do you think that in some way we have markers for Germans that allow us to tell that you’re not French? No, there really isn’t.
Generally these genetic test are better at telling the geographic location of your ancestor’s DNA rather than their ethnicity. Europe today is clearly divided into countries. You know you’re in Germany or France because German or French is the language. There is a non-continuous variation between what constitutes a German or French based on an artificial border between those countries.
But in fact there is a continuous variation genetically between a French village to a German village on the other side of the border. There isn’t a sudden genetic change at the border, but a blend from one location to the next.
There’s a small French city in the eastern part of the country, Mulhouse, which has switched between Germany and France several times over the past centuries. It is now a solidly French city.
Do you think that Mulhouse residents are 100% French or German? No, they are some admixture from the centuries of invasions and conquests.
Now, these home DNA kits may identify you as “French” because it indicates you’re from a region of France. But don’t start speaking French, because you could be ethnically German.
And, that’s just one example.
Ha ha ha ha what a scam
I think that was not a joke walrus but a personal point of view.
Can you please refrain from littering this fun thread with your petty arguments with Brockhead?
Thank you for your cooperation.
@Master thank you. He is hostile like agent 🍊 and Hiroshima 💣💥. I have posted a funny joke and he has sniped at companies which love Humanity and do a good accurate DNA analysis, while my joke was funny 3 posts above. I don't know who he thinks he is coming across like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Master
It was informative nonetheless
I don't know how you could sit there coming across like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by walrus
You couldn't make it up.Quote:
Originally Posted by brocktonblockbustI don't know how you could sit there coming across like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by walrus
bwaaaaHAHAHA 😂 😂😂 😂😂 😂😂 😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😵😵😵😵😵 😵😵
https://www.saddoboxing.com/boxingfo...tid=4859&stc=1
10 in 10 minutes ;D