LMAO! That's gotta fall under the "That's Not In My Job Description" type of moments.
:-X
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When I played Frosh football we were playing in Pittsburg and there were no bathrooms at the field, and all the porter potties were at the varsity field and I had to piss in the worst way. I told my position coach what was up and he told me to go to the locker rooms, locked. I tried to hold it but ended up pissing my pants. Not a great story to tell but no one found out.
Not long back in town i saw this lady with this poor older gentleman who had pissed himself walking through the crowded streets, to everyone staring and you know ..
Afterwards (to late), I thought the best you could do in that situation would be to pour a drink of something right down his front from the chest down.
It would halve the embarrassment.