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Yup mate, that's why I'm watching it everynight at bedtime before the real thang brings me the nightmares...Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre
Thats Mannys only hope really when you think about it. :pQuote:
Originally Posted by pacfan
...when that happens, I guess I'll just get back to Kim Kardashian or Jacky Chan for my bedtime fantasy...
This left me in tears. I have not laughed so much for quite a while ;D
25 Funny Auto Correct Fails | Don'tpokethebear.com
http://cdn.walltowatch.com/files/0/0/0/6/00061858.jpg
This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister. The Government tried desperately to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it couldn't stop laughing !
Dear Mr Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set and golf clubs and condoms from them back in 1997, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born
and on what date ?
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand ?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years.
It is also on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes
over the past 30 years.
It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever
changed between now and when I drop dead !!!
SHIT! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?
I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bullshit!
You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!
What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other side of Sydney , and get another bloody copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?
Nooooo…that'd be too bloody easy and makes far too much sense.
You would much prefer to have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some 'high-society' wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to smile?...you bloody morons.
Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in 'high-society' to confirm that it's me?
Well, my family has been in this country since before 1820! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL....Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; you know...someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN BLOODY PAKISTAN!...a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from
the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the "right sort of government".
You are all pen-pushing paper-shuffling bloody idiots!
hahaha I use this for my ink and it saves me billions
http://printink-bg.com/blog/wp-conte...a-mastilo1.jpg
if anyone uses a shitload of ink like I do then just search CISS and your printer name on ebay ;)
This is observational brilliance.
Bill talks about every single topic we chat about in all the sections here (other than boxing).
Funny shit, one of the first things is about gun ownership.
women, kids,religion,dawgs etc.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsSVlzwg_2w
The Scale of the Universe - An Interactive Flash Animation
The Scale of the Universe 2
The above links are for two interactive flash animations. The scale of the Universe 1 and 2. Let them load hit play then use the sliders to zoom in and out. Enjoy ;D
Greatness personified.:cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenbeanz
Did not know a jaguar could do that to a crock.
He wipes the sweat from his brow
and say what a pleasure it was Johanna.
How nice it was to finally get it in.
She pulls fingers through his hair
and then dries herself on the thigh
and laughs so,
I never thought it would be possible
No it was a little sweaty today.
It was a bit dirty today.
But Johanna worked it well,
having to pull and tug
He worked with the methodology,
but had more technology.
But whatever they did, they did it well.
It was a wonderful day.
He had been in his Asse
when he dug out a towering
and said: My little lady have you ever seen such a giant?
With her eyes she measured the dimensions, but something in a horse way, well it's giant.
She said: 'You are right, I crowns it to the "all-time number one"
Ascension of Johanna's words, he put it up on their porch table
and said this is for you, don't say no, it's a gift from me.
She took it in her hand and said:
I thought you had to go to a different country
to find one of these big and bold, this kind of dignity.
Johanna and Sven, two seniors from Florida
who stood all day and dug in their potato patch.
Yes si it was an ordeal, now get them in my soul to be good,
said Sven and then he took a swig.
Johanna said huua-me, I take a cup of coffee.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aY05HQHYvvA
This guy just slaps the audience with the truth;D , the silence in the beginning is telling then he brings them around into hilarity.
I hate bowling
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Lmao how did I miss this. He's one of my favourite comics.Quote:
Originally Posted by El Kabong
Even tho i'm back to Sweden now i cant stop looking at Australian news. hilarious.Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQhuvDR2WOo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pYdZlL0VK0Quote:
Originally Posted by XwetieEven tho i'm back to Sweden now i cant stop looking at Australian news. hilarious.Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQhuvDR2WOo
A bit jelous if i wasn't on the other side of the world, i probably would go to sidney if it was closer, bon jovi at ANZ Stadium 75.000 people
one of the funniest things i've seen on youtube to be honest. so well done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UWb5ps7wkw
Thats great. ;DQuote:
Originally Posted by Xwetie
Chuck Norris not to be outdone by JCVD
Chuck Norris' Epic Christmas Split > Jean-Claude Van Damme's Epic Split Stunt ~ Stickgrappler's Sojourn of Septillion Steps
With thanks to my friend Stretch for this.
----------
Tom Corley, on his website RichHabitsInstitute.com, outlines a few of the differences between the habits of the rich and the poor.
1. 70% of wealthy eat less than 300 junk food calories per day. 97% of poor people eat more than 300 junk food calories per day. 23% of wealthy gamble. 52% of poor people gamble.
2. 80% of wealthy are focused on accomplishing some single goal. Only 12% of the poor do this.
3. 76% of wealthy exercise aerobically four days a week. 23% of poor do this.
4. 63% of wealthy listen to audio books during commute to work vs. 5% of poor people.
5. 81% of wealthy maintain a to-do list vs. 19% of poor.
6. 63% of wealthy parents make their children read two or more non-fiction books a month vs. 3% of poor.
7. 70% of wealthy parents make their children volunteer 10 hours or more a month vs. 3% of poor.
8. 80% of wealthy make Happy Birthday calls vs. 11% of poor.
9. 67% of wealthy write down their goals vs. 17% of poor.
10. 88% of wealthy read 30 minutes or more each day for education or career reasons vs. 2% of poor.
11. 6% of wealthy say what’s on their mind vs. 69% of poor.
12. 79% of wealthy network five hours or more each month vs. 16% of poor.
13. 67% of wealthy watch one hour or less of TV every day vs. 23% of poor.
14. 6% of wealthy watch reality TV vs. 78% of poor.
15. 44% of wealthy wake up three hours before work starts vs. 3% of poor.
16. 74% of wealthy teach good daily success habits to their children vs. 1% of poor.
17. 84% of wealthy believe good habits create opportunity luck vs. 4% of poor.
18. 76% of wealthy believe bad habits create detrimental luck vs. 9% of poor.
19. 86% of wealthy believe in lifelong educational self-improvement vs. 5% of poor.
20. 86% of wealthy love to read vs. 26% of poor.
I'm singing in the rain,
Just singing in the rain
...
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Interesting because it is money that stops the poor % rates in pretty much all of those comparisons. Even number 18 no doubt includes functional hard core substance abusers who require little good luck and can counter any bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stickgrappler
Yeah agree with you, but some habits like reading more could be ingrained by watching less reality tv or exercising more by watching less tv (or while watching tv) etc
A friend commented that reading non-fiction is misleading... making one think fiction is bad... the literary classics are full of fiction (A Christmas Carol, Moby Dick, etc)