God created the Orgasm, so that women can moan even when they are happy.
Printable View
God created the Orgasm, so that women can moan even when they are happy.
Knock knock
who there?
Annoying English teacher
annoying English teacher who?
Annoying English teacher whom.
Whats Mary short for?
She has no legs.
That would be Miles knocking then. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre
A man goes into a chemist to ask for some viagra . Have you got a prescription
asks the chemist, no says the man , will this picture of my wife do.
My wife called me up to the bedroom earlier " look what i found in the cupboard,
crotchless panties" she said as she modelled them seductively. I didnt have the
heart to tell the fat fucker it was one of my vests.
OOFT!
This is my kinda thread. I'm owning this motherfucker!!
What's brown and sticky?????
...........
A stick.
BOOM!
:vd::vd::vd:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lennox Eubank
Didier Drogba,s decision to leave Chelsea has resulted in the club
releasing 4 medical staff, 2 stretcher bearers and a drama teacher.
Damn!Quote:
Originally Posted by roberto duran legend:vd::vd::vd:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lennox Eubank
Tough crowd.
They this little beauty on for size.
Who was the worlds first underwater spy?
James Pond
Sorry mate but you make the chuckle brothers look good.:cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lennox EubankDamn!Quote:
Originally Posted by roberto duran legend:vd::vd::vd:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lennox Eubank
Tough crowd.
They this little beauty on for size.
Who was the worlds first underwater spy?
James Pond
Teacher takes 3rd grade class to the horse races, and one boy decides he needs to go pee.
Teacher: “Anyone else need to go?”
To which a chorus of little boys answers: “Yes!”
So the teacher takes them to the Men’s Room and begins lifting them one by one so they can reach the urinal.
She picks one up, helps him unzip, and blushingly remarks:
“Oh my… you must be from the 5th or 6th grade!”
“No ma’am… I’m the jockey on horse # 3 in the next race.”
Ha ha ha. You know I'm owning this shit. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by roberto duran legendSorry mate but you make the chuckle brothers look good.:cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lennox EubankDamn!Quote:
Originally Posted by roberto duran legend:vd::vd::vd:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lennox Eubank
Tough crowd.
They this little beauty on for size.
Who was the worlds first underwater spy?
James Pond
Wha'd'ya call a smelly fairy?
Stinkerbell!
YAAASSSSSSSS!!!!!
....Someone has been eating popcicles and or Laffy Taffy
I dunno what they are but if they make you pull out top drawer jokes then I could well be.Quote:
Originally Posted by El Kabong
Over here a Laffy Taffy is a chuckling Welsh person.Quote:
Originally Posted by El Kabong
While we are on kids jokes. What sort of Bees produce milk?
Boobies.
I was on a train this morning in the toilet having a shit, when a voice
shouted, " can i see your ticket please? " "not right now" i replied,
" im having a shit". " i dont believe you , slide it under the door"
said the voice. "no problem " i said, " the yellow bits are sweetcorn".
Whats got four legs and an cunt halfway up its back?
A police horse.
Nice looking blonde tees off and sees her shot go wide of the fairway and into a group of older gentlemen.
She sees one of them go down, with his hands between his legs.
She runs over and says: "You poor dear... I hit you with my golf ball. Here... let me try to make it better."
She unzips the old guy and begins massaging his balls.
"There.... does that feel better?"
"Oh yeah! Feels great! But my thumb still hurts like hell, though!"
A ladder was stolen from a school and the care taker wrote the following note:
Please return the ladder taken otherwise further steps will be taken.
Man becomes lost and disoriented in the desert... thinks he's going to die.
But then he finds a small inn and is able to crawl to it.
Inside he gets food and water... and recuperates in a couple of days.
Once he's feeling better, he goes down and asks the innkeeper:
"Where does a guy get any action around here?"
The innkeeper just shrugs and points to a camel tied nearby.
"That's disgusting!" the man thinks to himself... but stays quiet and goes upstairs.
A few days go by and guy's getting a little more desperate.
He goes downstairs and looks at the camel, but thinks:
"No way I'm doing that! I'm not THAT desperate."
Couple of weeks go by and the guy can't take it anymore.
He rushes downstairs... pulls down his pants... and begins humping the camel.
Innkeeper happens to walk by and the guy says to him...
"I'm doing it! I'm doing it!"
Innkeeper shrugs and says...
"Whatever. Most people just ride it into the town just over the hill."
A rabbi and a priest see these boys playing the priest says lets try and screw one, the Rabbi says what out of?
An Englishman an Irishman, a priest, a rabbi and two lesbians walk into a bar
the barman says "What the hell is this, some kind of a joke?"
Two gerbils walk into a gay bar and end up shitfaced.
A baby seal walks into a bar,
Fucking tragedy.
Two rabbits escape from a lab they meet another rabbit who invites them back to his warren , Whats a warren asks Rabbit 17? 'Its where I live come and see,' so they stay the night and in the morning he says 'come and eat cabbages!' Rabbit 23 asks what are they? so they mung out on cabbages all day. He says Ive got lots of girlie rabbits I can share, what are they for asks 17? so they meet up with the female rabbits and they go with them and its on all night long.
At the end of the third day rabbit 23 says lets get out of here, Rabbit 17 asks why? we are having a ball. Yes agrees Rabbit 23 but its been 3 days Im hanging out for a smoke.
A cowboy walks into town with paper jodhpurs.
He was had up for rustling.
This dyslexic walks into a bra.
Blonde # 1 (with her hands behind her back): "If you guess how many Godiva chocolates I have, I'll give you both of them!"
Blond # 2 (overly excited): "Three?"
After a really good party, a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the three women sitting next to him and says, "You want to hear a blonde joke?"
The first woman replies, "I am 240 pounds, a world kickboxing champion and I’m actually a natural blonde. My friend here is 190 pounds, a world judo champion and she's also a natural blonde. And my other friend weighs 200 pounds, used to be a world arm wrestling champion, and like me and our other friend, is a natural blonde. So, do you still want to tell me that joke?"
The man thinks for a while. "Um, no" he replies. "Not if i have to explain it three times..."
What do you call a basement where women work?
A whine cellar.
How do you stop the incessant noise in your car?
Let her drive.
Bloke walks into a barber shop says how many people in front of me?
The hairdresser says nine.
He says ok ill come back in the morning.
comes back the next day and asks the same thing .
BArber says theres only six in front of you today.
Ok he says Ill come back in the morning .
next day same thing there three in front of you. Ok ill come back in the morning.
same the next day oh theres four in front you today.
ok ill come back in the morning.
The hairdresser says to the apprentice that blokes weird, follow him out an tell me where he goes.
The apprentice comes back and says , he went to your place.
My wife had one of those near death experiences earlier today.....
silly fucker thought she could hoover while the football is on.
An outback lady visits a doctor and asks worriedly "Can I get pregnant from anal sex"?
Of course says the doctor, where do think lawyers come from?
An Irishman goes for a job on a building site.
The site foreman says "name"?
Paddy says "Paddy Molligans'
Foreman says "Can you spell that?"
Paddy says "ya stick your job up ya ass" .
A thief goes to the doctor and says, " Doctor, Doctor!! I can't stop stealing!"
Doctor," Please take a seat."
Simple, but one of my favorites since I was a kid lol;D
I was in Australia with the wife recently, when she was stung on the minge by a hornet.
I phoned a local doctor, who was a bit of a laid back surfer type.
Doc please help me, hey what's up, my wife's been stung on the vagina,and it's completely closed up.
Closed up, bummer dude, thank's doc bye.!;D
I saw a man standing in the super market,with his nob in a jar of mayonnaise, and mayonnaise I thought.
Fucking hellmann.;D