When God made Adam he said right you wear the plants in the family.
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When God made Adam he said right you wear the plants in the family.
In my younger day's, I went on Jim'l fix it I wanted to meet Johnny Cash, I was most disappointed as
I never got to meet him, and the only thing I got was a ring of fire Hows about that then.;D
Went up in a cloud of smoke.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dia bando
Whats the difference between a lawyer and a duck?Quote:
Originally Posted by boozeboxer
The Lawyer can stick his bill up his arse.
Just come in the house, the wife has got the washing-machine on bricks, what the hell are you doing
nothing she says, just a 45 degree wash.;D
Susan Boyle has jumped to the defence of Jimmy Savile," I appeared on Jim'll fix it
when i was 13 years old and Jim never touched me.
Two guys at the airport who have lost their wives. One bloke says lets look together what does your wife look like?
“Well she is tall blond with a mini skirt on, long legs and high heels, tight top with nipples showing and a great round ass What does your look like? ”.
“Forget mines, let just find yours!”
:splurt:It was his latest releaseQuote:
Originally Posted by Dia bando
Got my Halloween outfit,Blonde wig,tracksuit,gold chain,and cigar.
That should scare the little fuckers.
Don't forget the over coat with candy clipped to the inside. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by roberto duran legend
Whats brown and smelly and upsetting to find in your kids bed.
Jimmy Savilles cigar.
It can only be a matter of time before Boris Johnson,s mum comes
forward and tells us that she was raped by Jimmy Savile in 1963.
A bloke goes into a pub , goes to the bar and asks for a double brandy.
The landlord pours it and says " You look knackerd son "
The bloke replies " you would be to , ive got this woman in the car outside and i cant satisfy her , ive been shagging her all night and she still wants more , she is a right goer "
The landlord says " here drink this i will nip out and have a go "
The landlord climbs into the car and starts giving her one.
This copper taps on the window or the car and shines his torch inside.
The copper asks "whats going on here then".
The landlord says " Im sorry officer i was just giving the wife one "
The copper says " Im sorry Sir i didnt realise it was your wife "
The landlord says " To be honest i didnt , till you shined your torch in "!
She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and that i would have to quit!
Then I caught her spending $65 for makeup.
She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what the beer was far.
I dont think she's comeing back!
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Whatever happend to Rihanna?
When she first started singing she was like yee mista dj song pon de replay.
And now she's like fuck me with a shovel and slap my titties.
Bloke has an argument with his misses and decides to get flowers on the way home she is still fuming at him and puts her hands on her hips and says "I suppose you expect me to get on my back and open my legs for those"?!!
He said "Haven't you got a vase?"
I took my new girlfriend home to meet my parents the other day.After saying
hello,my dad pulled me to one side and whispered " you could have done better
than that son. She is the ugliest pig i have ever seen, she must weigh 23 stone,
covered in spots,lips like a cod,shes got a beard,and is cross eyed,got a bald head,
size 13 feet,and lastly she fucking stinks.".I said " there is no need to whisper dad
she is deaf......
Last Jimmy Savile joke i promise.
George Clooney and Brad Pitt are making a film about the life of
Jimmy Savile.......
Oh she,s eleven.
Jimmy Salvile is reported to be alive well, he's been seen in the Irish sea bobbing up and down on a boy.;D
I get the feeling most of Jimmy Saviles victims were Manchester City fans.
They dont say fuck all for 40 years , then they all pipe up at once.
One of the Asian paedos who groomed young girls in Rochdale was known locally as Jamaal Fixit.
Christmas has been cancelled this year at Stoke Mandevil hospital.The hospital administrators
have announced the thought of another visit by a white haired man emptying his sack,
is to much of a risk.
coworker sent me this
from Tim Tebow's Lost Emails - Grantland
http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2012/1107...winbox_576.jpg
go to link for bigger/readable pic
Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for a required medical. A few days later
the doctor phones. "Paddy" he says "you have sugar diabetes" paddy says "no problem,
when do i fight the fecker".
Teacher asks the class, can you give me a word ending with tor that eats, Billy says Alligator Miss,
well done, Kate says Predator Miss very good, Johnny says Vibrator Miss, teacher that doe's not eat
anything,! Johnny my sister has one, and she says it don't half eat batteries.;D
So apparently Lincoln is doing well in the theaters........despite historical evidence to the contrary
Bought a couple of old pirate earrings a buck an ear.
Experts have predicted that by 2025 you will be no more than six feet away from an ex Chelsea manager.
I never believed that the bloke next door, a lolipop man, was stealing from work,
but all the signs were there.
My doctor told me to avoid saturated fat. So i stopped shagging the wife in the shower.
I've just been sitting here for 5 mins, looking at my new sig gif on loop...laughing my ass off.
What's worse than a male chauvanist pig?
A woman that won't do as she's told ;D
All these years thinking i had a birth mark on my arse,now it turns out to be a cigar burn,
hows about that then.;)
I was telling the wife about my new job,! I'm paid to have sex live on stage, she said your having me
on, I can ask but up to now they have been thin and pretty.;D
Bought the wife some pills off the internet,we now have sex every night.
Doesn,t matter what position we are in,nothing wakes her.
The wife has asked for something in silk for her christmas present...
No doubt this tin of emulsion will be the wrong fucking colour.
...a woman walking down a residential street noticed a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. She called out to him as she passed.
'Hello there! I couldn't help but notice how happy you look. What's your secret for a long happy life?'
'I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,' he replied. 'I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat nothing but fast food, and never exercise.'
'Wow!' the woman was amazed.
'How old are you?' she asked.
'26,' he replied...;D...
This is not exactly a joke but it'll give you some good laffs so...
...And... it's rated xxx so anyone below 18 is not allowed, Master is exempted though.
In my military brat days in our school in one of the US bases in Japan, during our first sex education class when I was in grade 5, our teacher set up illustration on the blackboard of male and female reproductive organs. With the male reproductive system, everything was loud and clear, you know where and what they were, it was pretty obvious. But with the female ones, with that pearl-shaped organ and all, not everything was clear, as you all probably remember. So one of our naughty boys whispered - a bit too loudly - 'hey guys, where's the pu:o:oy!!!'
'where's the pu:o:oy! ! !'
...and after a moment of silence, the little girls and boys in the class started to giggle, and I'm sure our teacher heard it too since she was trying hard to hide her naughty smile, which she miserably failed... As they say, 'kids sez the darnest things,'
P.S. Att: mods, if you deem this inappropriate, you may move it to the hidden board...LOL.
Man walk into a pub, behind the bar is a bxum bar maid, he takes a fancy to her he asks here out,
she says will you prick touch your arss no he say's. after weeks of trying he tells her.
His prick will now touch his arss, that's great now go and fuck yourself.;D
Mark TKO trying to work windows 8, that is all.
Where's the joke? Did I miss something?
You missed nothing mate this is a spammer they try to sneek in a few posts so they can then drop spam links in everywhere.
The jokes on him, Juke Nukem nuked his ass.