I feel like I am done with life

I feel like I am done with life. 54 + years. I have done many many things and I have gone to many many places and I have suffered through many many trials and tribulations and hardships and I don't regret any of it because it was an incredibly mind-blowing learning experience all the way through from a very emotionally tough childhood filled with anxiety and fears and lack of self-esteem all the way through college and then about 18 years of struggling hard from one clerical job to another in New York City and in New Jersey and then finally reengineering myself in 2006 to become an ESL instructor and travel the world. Now I am back in the United States for a little over 3 years and the feeling of emptiness in the feeling of getting older and your body starts to have some aches and pains and you try hard to do Sprints and to do push-ups into work out and to watch what you eat and to drink plenty of water and to try to get good sleep but it just starts to get very tiresome and it just starts to get very depressing and it just starts to get very empty and Melancholy and you just start to feel very unmotivated about anything anymore and you start to really not care about anything anymore because it seems like the same old song and dance outside in the streets and in the news and in everyday life again and again and again and you drive past the cemeteries when you are on the bus or on the train and you see tens of thousands of tombs and Graves and grave sites and the wind is blowing in the gray sky above the cemeteries through the graveyards the grey wind and the Cool Grey sky in the brooding clouds of silver and white and you wonder where all the souls have gone and where we are going and how futile everything is here

@Gandalf @Beanz

Whatever it may seem like, life is not futile. Think how much your wife loves you and how empty her life would be without you. Think how many people you have enabled to improve their lot in life by learning English so that they can screw over the white man :-X ;D. Think how many people on here have had their lives lightened if only for a moment by one of your mad posts or funny videos. Think of all the other forums you could troll and bait in the next 50 years. Think of how great it would be to eventually be able to chill out from the rat race a little in a little place in the sticks. It is entirely normal to feel like this, I often do and I am sure we are not alone. Do not let your body tell your mind and soul what to do. It can pretend that it is the captain of your ship sometimes, but it really is just an illusion.

I am currently shooting a lot of pre-production tests in graveyards for a promo in a few weeks, so understand how they can remind you of how fleeting life is. No reason to let go of it though, if anything it makes it more precious. Thanks for feeling comfortable enough to share this with us Rocky, can't have been easy.

Whats required here is a beer tasting video. I fucking loved those. That'll make you feel better Brock.

Thanks to Beanz and Memphis for reaching out to lend a hand. I hope it did not come across as suicidal because that is not what it is just to get that out there. But it is near overwhelming melancholy. I hesitate to say depression but more like Melancholy and the French word of ENNUI.

how about I start a new thread next week or so on the let's get it on forum of beer tasting? I can make it especially entertaining by keeping the entire beer tasting to 60 seconds for each video.

Thanks again you guys those are really good points beanz I appreciate that very much.

Steve you may be unpredictable but you are - YOU and that is unique in itself.
Come to Manchester and live the dream.

If you weren’t such a fucking dick u would probably feel better. You reap what you sow.

Steve it's a age thing mate as I said to you have travelled and seen the world and experienced more than most.
Itchy feet mate you find it hard settle hopefully you will just get used to being in one place or you experience more of the USA.😊

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Originally Posted by Dia bando

Steve it's a age thing mate as I said to you have travelled and seen the world and experienced more than most.
Itchy feet mate you find it hard settle hopefully you will just get used to being in one place or you experience more of the USA.😊

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Nah he will just be a prick in an empty shell, without external distractions he needs to see himself for what he is, and it’s a hard pill to swallow

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Originally Posted by walrus

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Originally Posted by Dia bando

Steve it's a age thing mate as I said to you have travelled and seen the world and experienced more than most.
Itchy feet mate you find it hard settle hopefully you will just get used to being in one place or you experience more of the USA.😊

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Nah he will just be a prick in an empty shell, without external distractions he needs to see himself for what he is, and it’s a hard pill to swallow

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A suppository?

I see myself for exactly what I am. I am in Armenian Italian-American second generation with a bachelor's degree from Rutgers College in English literature. I am 54 plus years old. I teach ESL to South East Asian students. I speak my mind without fear of reprisal. If I don't like cats or if I don't like cigarettes or if I don't like junk food or if I don't like bumbling about the house thinking of tools and yard equipment and new big screen TVs and furniture then I will simply say that I don't like it. And that goes for any other topic. If I think religion is a man-made fantasy I will say it. If I did hard research for 30 years plus and came to discover that religions are pure lies then I will say it. If I think people who follow organized religions are delusional then I will say it. I will always say what I think and if it costs me anyting I am willing to pay it.

Now a Roman Catholic would probably read my post above and think about that idiotic thing that walrus has just said. But even when I was 14 or 15 years old I was experiencing Melancholy and reading the Poetry of AE Housman and John Keats and William Shakespeare and reading the Poetry of Browning and Yeats and Samuel Taylor Coleridge and reading that poetry when I was a teenager and feeling the same empty feeling of melancholy as I feel right now.

if I wanted to feel really empty I would pretend that there was a Jewish rabbi who was born of a virgin buy a Holy Spirit and then was killed by the Romans and came back to life. That would make me feel even more Melancholy and depressed. So you can take your religious bullcrap and go see a psychiatrist about it cuz it is a serious mental disorder.

if I think somebody is a whack job I call him out on it the same way somebody can call me out if they think I am a wackjob it doesn't bother me in the least. But walrus is about as vile as they come or mentally unstable or both.

his life can be summed up as follows because he does partake in projecting this attitude to the world and that is this:

LET THEM EAT CAKE.

Nope, you can try to spin it but you are just a nasty spiteful prick and it left you bankrupt. That’s it, pure and simple, I’m not talking about your race, religion, ethinicity or any other smoke screen you might attempt to throw up, just your miserable human core, carry on, say what you will, I’ve said it all.

I'm a bit lost here, what happened between you two?

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Originally Posted by Batman

I'm a bit lost here, what happened between you two?

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Well neither of them laughed at my joke for starters....


http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/upload...n-Seinfeld.gif

]He is the exact opposite human being as I am in every way shape and form. that goes from Taking Liberties to make certain types of jokes where it's okay if he does but then if the other person does it it is considered a horrible insult. ...where there is constant misunderstandings about what somebody is meaning or something is being said in jest or if it is being serious or not. There are just some people that have the exact opposite chemistry as you do and that is what happened. Notice how magnanimous I am by saying about opposite chemistry even after the ignorant things he said when he first posted in this thread and that is why I called him a vile human being.

If you notice any time there's any kind of issue or controversy he always says he's done with it he's "done with it he doesn't want to talk about it he's done with it." He's the type of person who lights little fires all over the place and then when you want to discuss it to understand it or clarify it or question him about it and then he says he doesn't want to discuss it. He does that for years until you get disgusted with him. He even did it in this thread again his classic line of "go ahead and spin it however you want I'm done with it I'm done.". bwaaaaHAHAHA

Yeah he's done all right. You can stick a fork in him

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Originally Posted by El Kabong

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Originally Posted by Batman

I'm a bit lost here, what happened between you two?

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Well neither of them laughed at my joke for starters....


http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/upload...n-Seinfeld.gif

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It was funny

It was funny I'll admit that. Walrus would be the one who needs the suppository as I take at least two different shits per day, when he goes maybe once every 3 or 4 days

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Originally Posted by brocktonblockbust

It was funny I'll admit that. Walrus would be the one who needs the suppository as I take at least two different shits per day

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It would be quite a feat to take the same shit more than once on any given day

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Originally Posted by Batman

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Originally Posted by brocktonblockbust

It was funny I'll admit that. Walrus would be the one who needs the suppository as I take at least two different shits per day

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It would be quite a feat to take the same shit more than once on any given day

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bwaaaaHAHAHA 🚾🚾🚾🚾🚾

I think walrus is a really nice guy and I mean that. He can say whatever he wants about me. For a time there we were texting each other at least 20 or 30 times a day and really having a lot of good laughs and a great sense of humor and making a lot of jokes and it went on for so many months I think that " joke land " became reality and the borders and the boundaries of the jokes started to become a morphis and questionable, when it crossed over that was the beginning of it.

Amorphous

Repetition of a unfavorable routine spawns negativity like black mold. You gotta break the cycle, change your day up and what I always say is 'find a spot'. Something that makes ya smile in the moment. Not like a leering loon smile licking pennies in a Waffle House...but a smile that comes from the smallest thing to bigger. There are so many times we ignore a positive thought because we're obsessed..'stuck'..on seemingly overwhelming monotony or bad situations doing laps in our minds. What goes around comes around.

I will say this. Money isn’t everything it but allows more freedom. It allows one the ability to travel, freedom from the stress of bills which they say ruins marriages. We can manage fine without a bunch of money but it does decrease your circle. It actually sucks.

Brock get your bum out to Japan and you will find more peace. Just the air and politeness for a start. You know it is the slog of the big city grinding you down and the insanity of the West. Get out to a quiet Japanese city, stay there for 3 years and things will improve for you. The despair will never leave, but a change of scenery can help.

I have a lot to say on this topic having been through a lot this last 6 months but I won't say anything personal anymore. Needless to say I relate to a lot of the things said. I might not be 54 but I got old young and life has not always gone as it could have.

nobody needs that much money. I know people who travel the entire world starting from the east coast of the United States over to Europe down to Africa across the middle east or to India down to Southeast Asia up to China and then the Far East Asia and back to California they did the whole thing for 2500 us dollars

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Originally Posted by Gandalf

Brock get your bum out to Japan and you will find more peace. Just the air and politeness for a start. You know it is the slog of the big city grinding you down and the insanity of the West. Get out to a quiet Japanese city, stay there for 3 years and things will improve for you. The despair will never leave, but a change of scenery can help.

I have a lot to say on this topic having been through a lot this last 6 months but I won't say anything personal anymore. Needless to say I relate to a lot of the things said. I might not be 54 but I got old young and life has not always gone as it could have.

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Sounds good miles, nice and anti western, but where ever you go, there u are. A geographical escape would work for a time but then the dark shadows would return to his empty core

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Originally Posted by walrus

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Originally Posted by Gandalf

Brock get your bum out to Japan and you will find more peace. Just the air and politeness for a start. You know it is the slog of the big city grinding you down and the insanity of the West. Get out to a quiet Japanese city, stay there for 3 years and things will improve for you. The despair will never leave, but a change of scenery can help.

I have a lot to say on this topic having been through a lot this last 6 months but I won't say anything personal anymore. Needless to say I relate to a lot of the things said. I might not be 54 but I got old young and life has not always gone as it could have.

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Sounds good miles, nice and anti western, but where ever you go, there u are. A geographical escape would work for a time but then the dark shadows would return to his empty core

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Life in any big city is unpleasant though. It is costly, noisy, takes time to commute, people are miserable and seemingly imported from all over the place. Go somewhere smaller, more peaceful, more homogeneous, with beautiful scenery and politeness. I think the last place I would want to be if I am feeling down about life is London. I know I couldn't afford to live there with any degree of comfort, I know rush hour is a horror story, I know it is a rat race. It's unpleasant.

The West has become deranged and though there is push back against it it must be a lonely place to be if you have any common sense. Who wants to be around all that crime, that violence, that rudeness. At least Japan is safe, serene, polite, has great public transportation. It can be expensive true, but on a teachers salary and with provided living quarters it is doable. New York on 14 bucks an hour is hard for anyone. Teaching is not like flipping burgers, it is a very demanding job and that plus the stress of a rude place like New York will wear any man down.

Brock isn't done with life. He needs a break and to recharge his batteries. 54 is a long way from being done, but a big city is not natural for a human being of any age. These are contemporary forced enclosures to keep it ticking over for the higher ups. Nothing more.

Our cities, the better ones, are filled with interesting sights, history, activities, restaurants and clubs. If you can make it there you will make it anywhere

Thanks Miles. I can say the worst three years of my life that I can remember where the past three years here in the United States. The sickness of the people mentally and physically and spiritually is beyond words. the other problem is the people in this country talk about the most menial pedantic insignificant boring things you can imagine as if they are some kind of earth-shattering topics. I have listened to people on the buses and on the trains and then the streets literally talkin for 35 or 40 minutes about the new TV they got or the new furniture they got or the new car that they got for the new SUV or the new wrist watch or the new sunglasses. I have listened to white people talk about kitchen countertops in kitchen cabinets for over 1 hour on their phones when I am on the bus between New Jersey and New York. What a bunch of garbage soulless unspiritual trash this country is and the people in it

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Originally Posted by walrus

Our cities, the better ones, are filled with interesting sights, history, activities, restaurants and clubs. If you can make it there you will make it anywhere

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On 14 bucks an hour? It's tough Walrus. I know a few people living in London and they only get by living in a single room of a house. How are you supposed to get married, raise a family or do anything normal? It's rubbish. Then you end up with teachers, ordinary public school teachers, unable to live there and having to commute from an hour to two hours just to get to work each day. It looks like no way to live. It would wear anyone down.

It's okay for you with money Walrus, you can do what you like and pop into New York for a week stay in a nice hotel and do whatever, but for those doing all the jobs that keep the city running. They are paid a pittance for what they do and that is why I am an economic socialist. Not a cultural socialist, but a traditional, normal economic one.

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Originally Posted by brocktonblockbust

Thanks Miles. I can say the worst three years of my life that I can remember where the past three years here in the United States. The sickness of the people mentally and physically and spiritually is beyond words. the other problem is the people in this country talk about the most menial pedantic insignificant boring things you can imagine as if they are some kind of earth-shattering topics. I have listened to people on the buses and on the trains and then the streets literally talkin for 35 or 40 minutes about the new TV they got or the new furniture they got or the new car that they got for the new SUV or the new wrist watch or the new sunglasses. I have listened to white people talk about kitchen countertops in kitchen cabinets for over 1 hour on their phones when I am on the bus between New Jersey and New York. What a bunch of garbage soulless unspiritual trash this country is and the people in it

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Holy cow this coming from a guy who gets stuck on a single stupid topic for a week. Wtf you think people will have deep conversations on a bus where idiots like u are listening in. Wtf

You see miles? There's Warlus again with his

LET THEM EAT CAKE

Frickin walking around judging everyone like you are better than them all, wtf you deserve to be miserable. Stupid conversations on a bus, what a stupid thing to say. Yeah let’s have a philosophical debate on a bus where you can hardly hear, idiot. And I have no idea why miles is on his knees blowing you. This whole thing is a conjob

There's walrus living up in the woods in Connecticut hahaha in the woods in the middle of nowhere there are no buses or trains or anything anywhere near him everyone has to have two cars in the family hahaha there's walrus talking about his big screen TV and it's two houses and his cars in his equipment

LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE
LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE
LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE

That's walrus the phony Christian let them eat cake right? What a phony hypocritical Christian I'm going to call denilson and tell him to go up to Connecticut and take care of this asshole

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Originally Posted by brocktonblockbust

There's walrus living up in the woods in Connecticut hahaha in the woods in the middle of nowhere there are no buses or trains or anything anywhere near him everyone has to have two cars in the family hahaha there's walrus talking about his big screen TV and it's two houses and his cars in his equipment

LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE
LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE
LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE LET THEM EAT CAKE

That's walrus the phony Christian let them eat cake right? What a phony hypocritical Christian I'm going to call denilson and tell him to go up to Connecticut and take care of this asshole

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Wtf you phony fuck. Pulling out one of your usually empty stupid insults. A bus runs .5 miles from me. Train .25 miles. You should know that with your internet stalking of me you sick bastard.

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Originally Posted by brocktonblockbust

I feel like I am done with life. 54 + years. I have done many many things and I have gone to many many places and I have suffered through many many trials and tribulations and hardships and I don't regret any of it because it was an incredibly mind-blowing learning experience all the way through from a very emotionally tough childhood filled with anxiety and fears and lack of self-esteem all the way through college and then about 18 years of struggling hard from one clerical job to another in New York City and in New Jersey and then finally reengineering myself in 2006 to become an ESL instructor and travel the world. Now I am back in the United States for a little over 3 years and the feeling of emptiness in the feeling of getting older and your body starts to have some aches and pains and you try hard to do Sprints and to do push-ups into work out and to watch what you eat and to drink plenty of water and to try to get good sleep but it just starts to get very tiresome and it just starts to get very depressing and it just starts to get very empty and Melancholy and you just start to feel very unmotivated about anything anymore and you start to really not care about anything anymore because it seems like the same old song and dance outside in the streets and in the news and in everyday life again and again and again and you drive past the cemeteries when you are on the bus or on the train and you see tens of thousands of tombs and Graves and grave sites and the wind is blowing in the gray sky above the cemeteries through the graveyards the grey wind and the Cool Grey sky in the brooding clouds of silver and white and you wonder where all the souls have gone and where we are going and how futile everything is here

@Gandalf @Beanz

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Sorry to hear you're feeling this way mate. If you can talk with someone you trust and are comfortable with about how you're feeling. If I had one piece of advise to give it would be to start putting yourself 1st. Don't be a c-nt, but look after yourself first.

Plus everyone here, is here for ya. We all talk sh-t at times but are really one big dysfunctional family. Chin up boss.

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Originally Posted by Alpha

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Originally Posted by brocktonblockbust

I feel like I am done with life. 54 + years. I have done many many things and I have gone to many many places and I have suffered through many many trials and tribulations and hardships and I don't regret any of it because it was an incredibly mind-blowing learning experience all the way through from a very emotionally tough childhood filled with anxiety and fears and lack of self-esteem all the way through college and then about 18 years of struggling hard from one clerical job to another in New York City and in New Jersey and then finally reengineering myself in 2006 to become an ESL instructor and travel the world. Now I am back in the United States for a little over 3 years and the feeling of emptiness in the feeling of getting older and your body starts to have some aches and pains and you try hard to do Sprints and to do push-ups into work out and to watch what you eat and to drink plenty of water and to try to get good sleep but it just starts to get very tiresome and it just starts to get very depressing and it just starts to get very empty and Melancholy and you just start to feel very unmotivated about anything anymore and you start to really not care about anything anymore because it seems like the same old song and dance outside in the streets and in the news and in everyday life again and again and again and you drive past the cemeteries when you are on the bus or on the train and you see tens of thousands of tombs and Graves and grave sites and the wind is blowing in the gray sky above the cemeteries through the graveyards the grey wind and the Cool Grey sky in the brooding clouds of silver and white and you wonder where all the souls have gone and where we are going and how futile everything is here

@Gandalf @Beanz

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Sorry to hear you're feeling this way mate. If you can talk with someone you trust and are comfortable with about how you're feeling. If I had one piece of advise to give it would be to start putting yourself 1st. Don't be a c-nt, but look after yourself first.

Plus everyone here, is here for ya. We all talk sh-t at times but are really one big dysfunctional family. Chin up boss.

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don’t feed into his attention seeking nonsense he makes everyone around him miserable fuck him he deserves every iota of misery that crosses his spiteful, bigoted pea sized brain

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Originally Posted by walrus

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Originally Posted by Alpha

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Originally Posted by brocktonblockbust

I feel like I am done with life. 54 + years. I have done many many things and I have gone to many many places and I have suffered through many many trials and tribulations and hardships and I don't regret any of it because it was an incredibly mind-blowing learning experience all the way through from a very emotionally tough childhood filled with anxiety and fears and lack of self-esteem all the way through college and then about 18 years of struggling hard from one clerical job to another in New York City and in New Jersey and then finally reengineering myself in 2006 to become an ESL instructor and travel the world. Now I am back in the United States for a little over 3 years and the feeling of emptiness in the feeling of getting older and your body starts to have some aches and pains and you try hard to do Sprints and to do push-ups into work out and to watch what you eat and to drink plenty of water and to try to get good sleep but it just starts to get very tiresome and it just starts to get very depressing and it just starts to get very empty and Melancholy and you just start to feel very unmotivated about anything anymore and you start to really not care about anything anymore because it seems like the same old song and dance outside in the streets and in the news and in everyday life again and again and again and you drive past the cemeteries when you are on the bus or on the train and you see tens of thousands of tombs and Graves and grave sites and the wind is blowing in the gray sky above the cemeteries through the graveyards the grey wind and the Cool Grey sky in the brooding clouds of silver and white and you wonder where all the souls have gone and where we are going and how futile everything is here

@Gandalf @Beanz

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Sorry to hear you're feeling this way mate. If you can talk with someone you trust and are comfortable with about how you're feeling. If I had one piece of advise to give it would be to start putting yourself 1st. Don't be a c-nt, but look after yourself first.

Plus everyone here, is here for ya. We all talk sh-t at times but are really one big dysfunctional family. Chin up boss.

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don’t feed into his attention seeking nonsense he makes everyone around him miserable fuck him he deserves every iota of misery that crosses his spiteful, bigoted pea sized brain

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Cool mate, you had me in hysterics with about the bus convo's, but at the end of the day we are all just people. There's no need for me to be a d-ck if the man's hurting. If it's all a con, hey I didn't lose anything. If it's not, I haven't made it worse.

Looks like you are the odd one out Walrus

@Alpha thanks mate you're a good guy. You know ENNUI is a tough pill to swallow. every action you take when you put one foot in front of the other or when you move one hand to pick up an object or when you wake up you go to bed one more time just disappears and vanishes before your eyes like Dust in the Wind

it's an age-old obsession by every philosopher and poet there ever was and there ever will be and there is no answer to it but it seems to me that if we keep that in our minds then we will be more ready for that final moment when it comes

Just to confirm, the beer thread is a good idea. I not sure about this 60 seconds limit though. Savour it, enjoy it, don't be a slave to the clock.

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Originally Posted by Memphis

Just to confirm, the beer thread is a good idea. I not sure about this 60 seconds limit though. Savour it, enjoy it, be a slave to the cock.

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Memphis, I think I just owned you again! :D