SOMEONE PLEASE HAVE ME OVER FOR X-MAS!!!! PLEASE!!! I'LL PAY MONEY!!!

[DaxxKahn]

OK. It is official the pure tourture of XMAS at my house has begun...My in-laws have arrived..Mom,Dad, Sister Stacy, Other Sister Peggy Husband Jim and 3 snot, nosed kids....Plus...The countless Aunts and Uncles that will follow in hours...My family will not come within a 100 miles of this place...According to them my in-laws are the offspring of the Devil himself....Now until Tuesday morning I will not only be around the most annoying people to ever walk the face of the Earth but I will have thoughts of leaving my family and running to the first Catholic church I see and claim sanctuary...I swear on my manhood it's that bad....
My Mother in law already started with the " I hope you aren't thinking of putting us on the sleeper sofa?...I need quiet at night to sleep" and "You know it seems like such a nice neighborhood around here but I heard that property value is gonna go down real soon ...You should have looked into it more before you bought this place"....BITCH!!!...I OWN A TOWNHOUSE THE MAYOR's BROTHER AND POLICE CHIEF LIFE IN THE SAME COMPLEX VALUE IS NOT DROPPING YOU LIVE 200 MILES AWAY HOW THE F*** WOULD YOU KNOW AND ALL YOU WANT IS TO SLEEP IN MY MEMORY FOAM BED!! ...but alas all I can say is "Of course you can just have our room and Your right I should have looked into it more"
By 7pm My Father in law will be drunk on some unknown brand of cheap beer whose slogan is "IF IT WASN'T LIQUID IT WOULD BE CRACK!!!" ....Yet tell me I am cheap because I bought a used car instead of new one??. ..Then as he starts to get his oats on he will feint jabs at my face going "You still own that fist fight place...Gym or whatever you call it?...I'll go some rounds with ya...ha ha..just kiddin" and as he gets drunker will say..."YOU KNOW WHAT I AM ON TO YOU!!!!..A MAN OF YOUR ETHNIC BACKGROUND DOESN'T HAVE MONEY FOR A HOME LIKE THIS HONESTLY...SELL ADVERTISING SPACE MY ASS YOU SELL HEROIN!!"
All followed by my sister in law Stacy...who will start asking about my friend Eddie and tell me how good looking he is...Mother in law saying "I can't understand why she has such a hard time getting a good man? ...She would make a great wife for anyone..I think it is her ability to be independent"...as she tells my wife "You should be more like her.."....STACY IS NOT INDEPENDENT...SHE HAS NO MAN BECAUSE SHE HAS A HUGE NOSE..SCRATCHES HER CROTCH IN PUBLIC AND POSSES MORE BACK HAIR THEN A ROOM FULL OF RUSSIANS!!!
Add it all to Peg who hasn't spoke in like 13 years and her husband who I am positive huffs paint in my garage!!!!...Plus their kids are forever stealing something of my kids...stuff like socks.....Truth be told the whole crew scares me...and they are the best of the lot....I am not even sure my wife is really related to them??...mix ups used to happen all the time in hospitals back then
I swear it is the same every year!!!!
So if anyone would be soo kind...I will bring gifts for everyone ....I am neat and clean don't hog the bathroom ... I don't eat much and if I can just show them something posted that shows I have an invite...I won't even have to come in the house ...I just need an excuse!!! ANY EXCUSE!!!!
If not then....Everyone have a Merry Christmas...Don't worry about me...I'll be OK. ......I am offering a lot of MONEY $$$$....I have a ton of frequent flyer miles....I can be anywhere by morning ...Just figured I would throw it out there

[DaxxKahn]

This is what I am reduced to in my own house online begging??....I swear I hate this holiday!!!!

[ICB]

This is what I am reduced to in my own house online begging??....I swear I hate this holiday!!!!

lol unlucky bro i would have you over but my parents would kill me lol sorry bro

[Kev]

I'm going to my folks for xmas but I'm sure one of us can give you a decent excuse.

I'll happily send you an email claiming to be your old best pal whose wife has just left me, plus I've been told I've got a brain tumour and only a week to live.

I'll beg you to come visit me before I die and ask if you'll spend xmas by my hospital bedside, in Singapore.

That should give you the excuse, then you are free to run away to wherever.

[beds]

smashups place in london is free at the moment.

hes in devon.

spare key under the brick below the postbox.

dont associate with any locals or you would wish u were back home

enjoy

[ICB]

smashups place in london is free at the moment.

hes in devon.

spare key under the brick below the postbox.

dont associate with any locals or you would wish u were back home

enjoy

lol quality stuff cc for that fell of my chair reading that :P

[BIG H]

smashups place in london is free at the moment.

hes in devon.

spare key under the brick below the postbox.

dont associate with any locals or you would wish u were back home

enjoy

Bandit country round there beware

[killersheep]

I could have an extra plate for you here, but the problems wouldn't be much different except for it's different people, plus good luck getting a flight to Arizona right now.

[JT Rock]

That is hilarious shit.. HAHA!! if I was you I would strip down to my Boxer shorts get equally as drunk as your father in Law and call his bluff I usually use a simple takedown proceeded by an arm bar or leglock(true story) though I'm not sure how good your ground game is..

Also pissing and shitting with the door open helps clear the air as well

Tell mother in law that daddy needs to lay more pipe so that way she wouldnt be so pent up and worried about the value of your home reccomend a good porn for her then
I would slap your Mother in Law on the ass and tell her if she wants to sleep in your bed that she better be ready to snuggle with you and your wife.... The kids that are stealing socks I would take off the ones your wearing and stuff them in the little Bastards mouth and slap the piss out of them... Just drink the weekend away I promise you it will go faster... If you need more advice let me know..I know how to endear myself to people and I have a lot of technique to share

[Kev]

That is hilarious S***.. HAHA!! if I was you I would strip down to my Boxer shorts get equally as drunk as your father in Law and call his bluff I usually use a simple takedown proceeded by an arm bar or leglock(true story) though I'm not sure how good your ground game is..

Also pissing and shitting with the door open helps clear the air as well

Tell mother in law that daddy needs to lay more pipe so that way she wouldnt be so pent up and worried about the value of your home reccomend a good porn for her then
I would slap your Mother in Law on the a** and tell her if she wants to sleep in your bed that she better be ready to snuggle with you and your wife.... The kids that are stealing socks I would take off the ones your wearing and stuff them in the little Bastards mouth and slap the piss out of them... Just drink the weekend away I promise you it will go faster... If you need more advice let me know..I know how to endear myself to people and I have a lot of technique to share

Haha I'm picturing that Dax's in laws are Al and Peggy Bundy.

[superheavyrhun]

You're welcome in Wales for some Turkey and chocs mate, my brother's off to spain with the missus and his son, so there's only about 12 of us this year....it'll be bedlam, so i can't promise more than a mattrass on the floor, but then again, that's what I'm having to sleep on. After about 10 ppl, I don't think mum notices the number of plates we use!

[Scrap]

Brilliant Dax, your welcome anytime cc

[X]

Great post Daxx, sounded really heartfelt !!
cc

[beds]

Great post Daxx, sounded really heartfelt !!
cc

he dont wanna cc he wants a bed for christmas


sure DMD's got room in his double, hes not picky either so i've heard

[Lords Gym]

OK. It is official the pure tourture of XMAS at my house has begun.

LMFAO ! Great read brother. funny as all fuck ! we could make movie on this..
now my situation does not feel so tragic ~ ! LMFAO ! you brought me holiday cheer !

Cool click # 175 my brother !