Old joke but a good one

[Andre]

A hippy gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex ?"
"No," she replies, "I'm married to God."
She then stands up, and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippy and says: "I can tell you how to have sex with her !"
"Yeah ?", says the hippy.
"Yeah", says the bus driver.. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God" .
The hippy decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face, "You must have sex with me".
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to ass sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.
'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha!," he cries. "I am the hippy!"
"Ha-ha!," cries the nun. "I am the bus driver "

[No Contest]

hehe I almost spit on my keyboard, was drinking oj, would not have been cool , Andre...

[Mark TKO]

Ha ha nice one

I remember hearing the legendary Bernard Manning tell that in around 1990. I almost choked laughing.

Amazing really that you just don't see it coming

[HattonTheHammer]

Ha ha nice one

I remember hearing the legendary Bernard Manning tell that in around 1990. I almost choked laughing.

Amazing really that you just don't see it coming

i can imagine mannings one was a tad more blue

[Saddo]

wow that joke takes me right back to my childhood, forgot it excisted.

[Master]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says “ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me. The man says “You go and tell him off. I’ll hold the monkey for you”.

[Master]

I cleaned up the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair..

[Master]

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

[Master]

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find them.

[BIG H]

It's definitely true that woman can't do more than one thing at once. I just told my missus to sit down and shut the fuck up and she won't do either!

[Master]

A woman has identical twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “But they are identical twins. If you’ve seen Juan, then you have seen Amal”.

[Master]

I went to the doctor the other day and I asked him “have you got anything for wind?” So he gave me a kite.

[Andre]

HAha.

I went to the optometrist he seemed a bit off .

He said: come out here and look up ,what can you see?

The sun? I said..

He goes: "Well how much fukkin further do want to see"

[Master]

When Susan’s boyfriend proposed, she says “I love the simple things in life but I do not want one of them for my husband”

[Master]

There are some people who are nice and you can get on with and there are others you hate and absolutely despise. For instance I love my girlfriend, she is beautiful and i can get on with her, but my wife....