Exactly how pissed have you been?

[Lords Gym]

We knew a bloke who got soo pissed at a party in the eighties in Melbourne that he was showing off with his dick in a saucepan rolling it around and flicking it around on the edge of the pan ;with of all things (! A stay sharp knife !) he cut it through to the last layer.
A nurse was in the kitchen at the time and just grabbed a towel rammed it back on and took to him to the hospital to get it stiched back on.

someone once said too me , Suck my dick... and i told them no problem.. if you cut the little fucker off, I'll eat every inch..glad that fellow was not your mate LMFAO

[Gandalf]

Im always riveted by the story surrounding William Burroughs and the manner in which he killed his common law wife. They were both pissed up and she invited Burroughs to practice his William Tell act by placing a glass on her head. He pulled out his gun from his pocket and proceeded to aim. He missed the glass and shot her clean through the front of her head. She collapsed to the floor and killed immediately. Onlookers were pretty stunned.

He served only a few days in jail as his lawyer advised getting out of the country ASAP once bail was given...

Not a pleasant drunken encounter by any means...

[AdamGB]

Be more carefull next time...

[Jimanuel Boogustus]

Ive got a good story to tell but its too long sooooo....

To begin with...
*Pick a film, any film, a DVD, it doesn't amtter wich DVD as you wont be watching it*
*Buy a litre bottle of Absinthe*

Then procced with your socially engaging activities, whatever thay may be
The next time you pull a bird...

*Take her back to your house*
*Both have a generous amount of Absinthe*
*Put on that DVD you brought for 2.99 out of Londis*
*Leave it on The Chapter Menu, dont actually watch it when you have a very loose, drunk woman in your there *
*Procced to do what all birds and bees do*
*Wake up in the morning and try to remember what happened*

Finding it hard?

Leaving it for a few days, come back to you DVD player and play the DVD again.

Rememebr now?

Wired huh?

[superheavyrhun]

We knew a bloke who got soo pissed at a party in the eighties in Melbourne that he was showing off with his dick in a saucepan rolling it around and flicking it around on the edge of the pan ;with of all things (! A stay sharp knife !) he cut it through to the last layer.
A nurse was in the kitchen at the time and just grabbed a towel rammed it back on and took to him to the hospital to get it stiched back on.

someone once said too me , Suck my dick... and i told them no problem.. if you cut the little f***** off, I'll eat every inch..glad that fellow was not your mate LMFAO

A couple of years ago when Wales won the rugby Grand Slam, there was a game where Wales beat England, and some guy from south Wales bet his mate that he would cut his balls off if Wales won. Anyway, numerous pints of beer later, Wales did win, and this guy disappeared after the game, only to reappear in the pub half an hour later, with a kitchen knife in one hand, and his bloody testicles in the other, and went back to sit down with his mate. Luckily, his mate was sober enough to call an ambulance.

[Andre]

Be more carefull next time...

HAhahhaaa most dont see that type of humor round here, hahhaa love it. cc.

[jbirdy]

wow i just discovered this little exclusive thousand post + forum thing. awesome, makes me feel special.
fuckin hell i could tell you boys some stories.

[Gandalf]

wow i just discovered this little exclusive thousand post + forum thing. awesome, makes me feel special.
F****** hell i could tell you boys some stories.

You are now able to see the board of filth and amputees (courtesy of X! :P)....you are indeed, a very special person!!!

Now, how about a drunken story

[jbirdy]

shit where to start? i'm at uni so we have a different drunken story most nights, and then when ever i go home its always another cos i have been away for so many weeks.
i was at home about 3 weeks ago and i was with a load of mates nailing these shots called 'fireballs' in our local (thats a shot of sambooka, tequila and tobasco sauce and the gaffer always does us loads of deals on it). one of my mates had trainers on so he wouldnt be able to get in the club, so he tried the old put your black socks on over your trainers trick (always fools the naked eye). but when we came to leave and he sat down on the curb to put his socks back on his feet and under his trainers me and another mate nicked his socks and then grabbed the end of his trousers and started tugging em off him. he was hammered so it was easy. he ended up with just his trainers and his little tighty whities he was wearing and my mate had his socks on his hands like gloves and pissed all over em and chucked em on the floor. my mate then caught him up and drunkenly put his socks back on and staggared home without his trousers.
anyways to cut a long story short we all took our trousers off and staggared away aswell so he didnt feel left out. good times. and i cant wait to go home again for crimbo

[Gandalf]

S*** where to start? i'm at uni so we have a different drunken story most nights, and then when ever i go home its always another cos i have been away for so many weeks.
i was at home about 3 weeks ago and i was with a load of mates nailing these shots called 'fireballs' in our local (thats a shot of sambooka, tequila and tobasco sauce and the gaffer always does us loads of deals on it). one of my mates had trainers on so he wouldnt be able to get in the club, so he tried the old put your black socks on over your trainers trick (always fools the naked eye). but when we came to leave and he sat down on the curb to put his socks back on his feet and under his trainers me and another mate nicked his socks and then grabbed the end of his trousers and started tugging em off him. he was hammered so it was easy. he ended up with just his trainers and his little tighty whities he was wearing and my mate had his socks on his hands like gloves and pissed all over em and chucked em on the floor. my mate then caught him up and drunkenly put his socks back on and staggared home without his trousers.
anyways to cut a long story short we all took our trousers off and staggared away aswell so he didnt feel left out. good times. and i cant wait to go home again for crimbo

Hahahahah

What an odd story!! I like it!!!

[landmine950]

I'm a big mean bastard an i don't like to admit that there have been a few times when I was all jagged up I beat a guy or two maybe worse than he deserved.
Bouncing in Edmonton one night ( I was 6'4" and about 275)
I was in the middle of a melee and a guy bit off the top of my ear.
(I'll send pics) i didn't even feel it, I actually didn't notice!
My buddy said "fuck man your bleeding" I looked down and my ear was pouyring blood down onto my shoulder and shirt. Then he(or someone else) said "that guy just bit your ear" the guy right next to me (decent size maybe 6'2" 200lbs) had bit me!
I grabbed him and got him on the ground.
I was determined to punch every fucking tooth out of his fucking mouth!
the first 4 or so were easy!
i got maybe 6 or 8 teeth I forget
He was out cold after 2 or so punches
I fucking smashed him till my hands hurt then elbowed him in the face like 30 times those back teeth are really fucking held in there!
I smashed him tilll i was exhausted. so tired i actually couldn't stand up. I was so done i almost puked. I scared myself. I could easily have killed him.
I still have the piece missing out of the top of my ear obviously
If you care I'll get to take a pick and load it and all that shit so you can see. It was maybe 15 years ago.

[porkypara]

While I was in Bosnia with the Britsh army over christmas time we had a fancy dress party with a Roman theme to it.


I decided to dress up as Jesus as the Romans were the one who nailed him to the cross.So I nailed to big bits of timber together to make a cross and atached them to my back with a belt.

Now all I had on was this cross and my boxer shorts.As the night went on we go drunk as drunk could be in true British army style.

At some stage of the night I must have gone outside and colapsed in the snow.

Lucky for me an Irish bloke named Paddy Wharing (all Irish peoples first name is paddy in the british army)found me and got me off to bed,if not I probolly would have frozen to death.

[rebekah]

my maddest night out musta been on my hols 2 years ago with the girlys!

we went to this bar called chaplins (fuckin wicked bar!) and started off with the sambuca shots and tequila (never again) to cut a long story short


as the night wore on i was losing control of my body and my speech had deteriorated as did all my mates i ended up with a lip stick smiley face on my arse, my mate lost her shoes and bra!?? my other mate jo woke up wearin some random blokes stripey boxers.


we got kicked out of a bar called the surf shack, i think because apparently i was in the gents tryin to stand at the urinals havin a piss like a geeza!? (i dont believe that tho, think my mates were lyin the next day)

started fuckin about in dis big water fountain, until the police came, hitched a ride with them to our hotel!!


then managed to get back to the hotel.. all jumped in the pull butt naked! (mate has pic's too prove it!!! )



den all slept on our balcony dunno why!?




woke up next day all bein sick most of the day, no better way to cure it than a fry up

[Saddo]

what about the time you shagged some guy in a skip

[bigragu]

one time i simultaneousley lost conciousness and vomited, i remember starting to fall over and starting to vomit as i started to fall, and i blacked out as i landed, then i woke up about 6 hours later and vomited for then next 12 hours

I passed out on the toilet...woke up 4 1/2 hours later....couldn't walk!!!!! I had to crawl to the couch....felt like I was paralyzed!!!! No nookie for me that night... That is the only story I'm giving up....