Classic Saddo jokes.

[Master]

Post classic Saddo jokes that you read here.

Things You Learn From Watching Porn

Women wear high heels to bed.

Men are never impotent.

When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he fucks her.

Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with spunk.

Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.

Women always orgasm when men do.

A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

All women are noisy fucks.

People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

Those tits are real.

A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum.
If there is two of them they 'high five' each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

Double penetration makes women smile.

Asian men don't exist.

If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

There's a plot.

When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.

Nurses suck patients cocks.

Men always pull out.

When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.

Women never have headaches.

When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to 'suck it'

Assholes are clean.

A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's pants and find a cock there.

Men don't have to beg.

When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Pigtails = handlebars.<O</O

[Master]

3 men watching a pole dancer.
First man gets £10 and sticks it on her right buttock.
Second man gets £20 and sticks it on her left buttock.
Third man takes out his VISA card, swipes her ass and takes £30 Cash back!

[Dark Lord Al]

Was out shopping in Manchester with my wife yesterday ,she said
" See that guy over there with the mustache "

i replied " yes i see him"

she said " he was in your class at Junior school "

I looked very puzzled at this.

My wife said " Why the puzzled look , dont you know him"?

I said "I really don't remember anyone with a mustache in my junior school class "!!

[Master]

Fuck as a verb

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fu cked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fu cked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fu ck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fu ck), an adverb (Mary is fu cking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fu ck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fu cking beautiful) or an interjection (Fu ck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fu ck she's also stupid).

[Violent Demise]

Why should a Jew invest in a bakery?

So he can always remember his grand parents

[brucelee]

Fuck as a verb

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fu cked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fu cked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fu ck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fu ck), an adverb (Mary is fu cking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fu ck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fu cking beautiful) or an interjection (Fu ck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fu ck she's also stupid).

LOL. I only use that word when i'm doing it. never thought it can be presented in many forms.

[Master]

If Men Wrote Problem Pages...

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing - your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

[OumaFan]

I didn't read this here...

A priest is checking into a motel and as he's about to leave to go find his room he turns around and says to the receptionist "by the way the porn channel is disabled right?" and the receptionist looks up and goes "no its just regular porn"

[amat]

fucking VD, haha you idiot. My friends used to call my only Jewish friend Oven, I was always worried I would get expelled if someone heard me saying that in school.

[Scrap]

Took the Wife out last night, One Punch

[Violent Demise]

fucking VD, haha you idiot. My friends used to call my only Jewish friend Oven, I was always worried I would get expelled if someone heard me saying that in school.

Yeah I knew a couple of jew brothers. We called one half-baked. The other one well done.

[Master]

WOMENS PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

Men's Personal Ads
40-ish - 52 but looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic - Sits on the couch all day and watches sports
Average looking - Ugly
Average weight - Used to weigh 300lb, now weighs 297lb
Educated - Will always correct you and treat you like a retard
Free spirit - Likely to cheat, maybe with a family member
Friendship first - Wants to check your not too ugly first
Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack
Good Looking - Big headed
Honest - A good liar
Huggable - Overweight and enough body hair to resemble a teddy bear
Like to cuddle - Insecure
Polite - Says excuse me when he lets one rip
Open-minded - Will start dating your sister if she's better looking than you
Physically fit - Spends a lot of time admiring himself in the mirror
Religious - Went to church with his grandmother once when he was young Committed - Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful - Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Adventurous - Slept with everyone

[Master]

A door to door salesman knocks on a door.

A boy about eight years old answers, dressed in stockings and suspenders, with a fat cigar in one hand and a large glass of red wine in the other

"Is your mum in, son?" says the salesman,

The boy replies, "Does it f-in look like it?"

[Master]

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Sam Davies, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the biggest penis he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Sam," said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

"Oh, my God!" she screamed, "Sam is dead!"

[Andre]

Talking wid da misses I told her that I'd heard that the posty recons hes been with every woman in our street bar one. She said "That'll be that snobby baitch down at number 12".