I haven't posted here forever and I don't have a lot to add - just a few hindsight notes I'd like to make in case they apply to anyone else.

1) I had the MRI redone on my bad knee mid last year and they did find cartilage damage. There is a good chance this damage was the original cause of my knee pain but the original scan was not of good enough quality to pick it up.

There is a narrow crack in the cartilage behind my left knee cap all the way though. It's not rough and doesn't catch - symptomatically I can see how to a physio it didn't manifest the same way that cartilage damage usually does.

I know now why I went through the cycle of easing off, doing all of the physio exercises, feeling less pain only to have the problem reoccur when I got back to a certain training level.

The reality is cartilage doesn't heal. I will always be limited in what I can do. On one hand this kinda sucks but it's a LOT better to know this now than to continue to go through the frustrating yo-yo experience I did.

Now I just know there is a limit to how far and often I can run. I know cross training is important if I want to keep my cardio fitness going. I know I can't do lunges or stairs or skipping.

To be able to run a little I must work on my cadence, running form and stick to nice surfaces. I also have to keep my weight close to it's ideal. Right now I am heavier than I have ever been because I am 7 months preggers but I will have to drop the kilos ASAP afterwards.

So my advice to others based on this would be - don't always go with your first diagnosis. Things like MRIs can be hideously expensive but they can be worth repeating if you feel like you are hitting a brick wall with your recovery from an injury.

2) I did get off of my anti-depressants quite a while ago. Chemically I think the medication really just needed time to help my brain chemistry reach a new stable equilibrium. I also suspect having adequate vitamin D and B levels has helped.

I'm learning having a firm idea of your values - rather than goals which we so often hear about is crucial. You can always live in a way which is true to your values even if things you can not control interfere with your ability to reach your goals.

I'm trying to become more mindful - to live in the moment to avoid negative, circular thinking. Not great at it yet - but it's a skill I can see being worthwhile.

I want to point out right now that I do believe I am very 'normal'. I believe looking after your brain is something that warrants ongoing consideration and maintenance just like any other part of your body.

3) Sometimes I wonder why the level of my best was what it was - reasonable but not as good as I would have hoped. The biggest reason would be that I was too self conscious - I worried too much about what people might think when they saw me train or compete. I couldn't tolerate failure in myself either.

That attitude was completely Pointless - you have to be crap sometimes and make mistakes to learn. Maybe your mistakes happen in training and you have a great record - maybe they happen in competition because you are not pushed enough in training.

Like many others I was not brought up to see myself making mistakes as a step forward so much as a sign I was not capable of something. Logically / intellectually I have always known that anyone who is good at something had to work to get there so at least I kept trying.

However, I think you need to really believe and feel you can learn from all your mistakes to keep improving. You can't let mistakes ruin your confidence in your ability to improve.

Otherwise the temptation is to stay within your comfort zone. You never progress beyond that point then. With coaching that didn't prod me to improve beyond my comfort zone I reached a maximum.

I hope to avoid this in life from now on - not just to reach my best but even if you are crap you should still be able to enjoy what you do!

Anyway I'd be happy to hear any ideas / comments people have RE the above.