Quote Originally Posted by Greenbeanz View Post
Quote Originally Posted by Gandalf View Post
I do feel as though my body is starting to give up on me. I had an uneven abdomen checked at hospital and the doctor thinks it is nothing to worry about, but it looks odd and surely my body is now giving up on me. I believe that I am gradually taking on all the physical qualities of John Merrick and I don't say that lightly. From face to waist, there are things that might never have been perfect but are looking weirder as I reach my mid 30's. I think I need a second opinion and an internal scan to amount for the moderate mass differential in my abdomen, if just for my own piece of mind. The doctor was simply pressing on me for any pain, but you can't test for cancers like like that. Plus I am someone that doesn't seem to see pain as others do in the physical sense.

I guess it is back to the big hospital and more checks. Now I've let a man fondle my balls, I guess I have no boundaries. That must be a sign of getting older.

Wait till you get a bit older and they start putting things up your jaxie. I wouldn't worry about not being symmetrical none of us are. Your mid thirties aren't really even middle aged mate. You will know when your body starts giving up on you.
I went to a second doctor and he seemed to think it was nothing too. He thinks I am approaching middle age and am thus slipping. The youthful days of abandon and year after year of 32 inch jeans is over. However, I am going to have a CT scan tomorrow. I think doctors look at you and just think 'He looks young and isn't rolling in fat...nowt wrong with him'. I have a Dorian Gray thing going on though and there has to be a lot of stuff hidden away and I just want it checked. If there is damage, I can adapt. If there isn't then, I can relax. You have to do the checks though. It looks different and feels different and I don't understand it, but I also don't understand where my fat has come from either. Why largely that side? The way I lay? The way I sit? The way I punch the bag? I don't see it. To most it would seem like nothing, but I am vain. The doctor dismissed the notion that it could be a hernia or an aneurism, but I am definitely assymetrical. It is quite obvious.

Tommorow I have this CT scan to go through. I signed a paper today saying there is a 1 in 100,000 to 140,000 chance that I will die tomorrow when they start injecting me, so fingers crossed on that one. I balked at that. The statistic that if everyone took the test in this city tomorrow, 5 would die is horrible. However, my mind won't rest until I have seen my body cut up like a loaf of bread in these X rays they do.

I am getting older and I am irritated by it. Today I did 8 rounds on the heavy bag, and daily I am working the rowing machine. I almost feel as though I am fighting the clock now. It's my duty to get into shape. I am not fat at all, but I have lost my svelteness and it angers me. Part of me keeps going for checks in some weird attempt to say 'I don't get fat, give me the other diagnosis'.