Boozeboxer: RIP

[Youngblood]

With sadness I got the news today that boozeboxer passed away. Our inside sources have told us he was chasing an empty wine bottle bag, but due to being color blind as well as feeble-minded, his mistook a red walking light for a green in his pursuit.

When the pedestrian traffic stopped, he was unprepared and went head first into a 300 lb. hookers rectum, and witnesses were quoted as saying he was screaming the whole way. One witness said, wishing to remain nameless, "It was a bizarre scene. As soon as he looked up and realizing his predicament, he shouted the words....Dear God...NO...BLUE MAKEUP!"

Another witness on the scene, Genesio Delfranco, who tried to grab the smothering mans feet to pull him out, wiping tears from his eyes also confirmed, "We pulled as hard as we could but we just couldn't budge him. I kept hearing his muffled screams..."NO...she's wearing blue makeup. BLUE MAKEUP." It was horrible. I don't know that I'll ever be able to get the image out of my head."

Emergency crews extradited the man using the Jaws of Life just shortly after 12 am, and continued to work on him until he was pronounced dead at the Ann Arbor Memorial Hospital upon arrival.

While authorities are still investigating the tragedy, one of the officers on the scene off the record commented, "It was indeed unfortunate, and bizarre. But near as we can tell, he met with a rare and unusual case of assphyxiation."

The investigation continues.

Let us all take a moment to remember our dear friend boozeboxer, for his good points as well as his quirky and bizarre ways, and let us not judge how he perished.

You will be missed booze.