Seeing as you asked nicely.
My name is Plopeater TurdBurgler of the Baggins Clan
I am 74 years young and live in the Shire.
I am an environmentalist and believe that all food should be natural and eco friendly. My favourite is plop but I am also partial so the occasional licking of spunk.
Because of this I do not have a job and do not need one as the shire has horses, cows, many creatures so there is such a variety of turds to eat.
When I run out of food I finger my bum to see if I can get any poo under my finger nails then I'll bite them clean
Hope that was serious enough kingfrnk
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