Generally I only text when I'm drunk, and then mostly I give my phone to my mate so he can text girls as well. We have a very juvenile sense of humour.

When I was checking my phone on Sunday after the England game I saw my mate had sent the following message to this girl I fancy, from my phone.

'I really want to finger your poo hole. Then I want you to fuck my ass with a black dildo. I really love cocks.'


To me that's part of the fun of a drunken weekend.