Very quality.....VERY quality. Is it perfect? No, nothing is perfect, but you are descriptive, you get emotions involved, you have a way with words. You'll need to hone your craft, pick and choose when you really go in depth in your descriptions. I would suggest with this piece to maybe read some Dashiel Hammet or Raymond Chandler and maybe do a solid detective story. I'm reading 'Nightmaretown Stories' by Hammet, you could learn when to "pull your punches" from studying him.

I loved the story man, keep up the good work!