I'd Like Some Opinions on My Short Story

[Beanz]

Slim, you also seem to have a habit of mixing your past and present tense. Like anything in life the key is to practice, and learn from the best. Broaden your reading habits and maybe join a creative writing group.

Being creative and willing to share that creativity will bring you great satisfaction in life. Mastering any creative discipline takes time though and age and lack of experience is very apparent in literary fiction. If you want to write there are openings on the main board, and probably in your local press, for enthusiastic young journalists willing and able to document local events. That way you can hone your textual chops as your character and style develops naturally.

[Slim the BoxingManiac]

Alright. I suppose I'll get some literature from Hemmingway and Hammet.

Rather than working on the story itself, it'd be better if I just read more and studied the great writers.

I get what you're saying about simplicity, as well. Have you guys had the chance to read much of Kurt Vonnegut Jr?