Any good jokes ????

[Andre]

One of Goats wifes friends, goes to the doctor complaining of backache.
The doctor tries everything every test every drug but to no avail.
eventually he says look the only thing i can think of is your sex life maybe thats causeing your bad back; what position do you use?
She says "oh we always do it doggie style".
the Doc says: thats it! Why dont you try doing it Missionary position ?
She says: "You ever smelt a Labradors breath"?

[Master]

Similar note.


A woman takes her german shepherd dog to the vet. She explains that every time she bends over, the dog mounts her. All she has to do is bend down to go into the freezer, pick the mail up, clean under the table, and he is there, humping away at her.
"What would you like me to do?" asks the vet. "Castrate him or put him down?"
"Oh no," says the woman, "Just cut his claws please".

[roberto duran legend]

Little 5 year old daisy sees a group of workmen turn up next door to build
a house, , she starts to talk to them. The builders with hearts of gold
adopt her as their site mascot. After a week they present her with a
pink hard hat and gloves. Even a wage packet with £5 in it, " goodness"
says mummy smiling , " are you working there next week"?. Daisy
replies " I think so mummy, provided those cunts at Jewsons deliver
the fucking bricks".

[roberto duran legend]

I felt really sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night. He hypnotised 7 men
then dropped the microphone on his foot and yelled " fuck me "
what happened next will haunt me forever.

[roberto duran legend]

Barry Gibb has asked that Robin be buried with his twin Maurice....
The grave digger said it depends " how deep is your bruv".

[Dia bando]

Just worked out I have enough money retire for the rest of my life, my money runs out a week on Friday.

[Master]

This prisoner escapes after 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and food, and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair and he ties the wife to the bed, and gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He's probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain and do what he tells you, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably really dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, and thought you were cute. He asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom, so I told him where to find it. Be strong, darling. I love you, too."