Any good jokes ????

[hardcore_crash]

A thief goes to the doctor and says, " Doctor, Doctor!! I can't stop stealing!"
Doctor," Please take a seat."

Simple, but one of my favorites since I was a kid lol

[Dia bando]

I was in Australia with the wife recently, when she was stung on the minge by a hornet.
I phoned a local doctor, who was a bit of a laid back surfer type.
Doc please help me, hey what's up, my wife's been stung on the vagina,and it's completely closed up.
Closed up, bummer dude, thank's doc bye.!

[Dia bando]

I saw a man standing in the super market,with his nob in a jar of mayonnaise, and mayonnaise I thought.
Fucking hellmann.

[Dia bando]

The landlord said why are you looking,so happy I said my wife had one of those procedures done at the
hospital,today that would put a smile on most men's face's.He said a breast enlargement,? no I said a
post-mortem.

[roberto duran legend]

Paddy phones for a ambulance as Murphy has been hit by a car.
Operator asks where is he ? . Paddy says outside 28 Eucalyptus rd,.
Operator asks " how do you spell that ? " the line goes quite for 5 min.
Operator gets a bit worried, then Paddy says " sorry about that
i have just dragged him round to oak street".

[roberto duran legend]

I walked into my house to find the Missus gone and a note nailed to the wall,
"we have your wife , if you want to see her alive again we want £500,000.
Do not contact the police , we are very determined, await a phone call".
They were not joking about being determined, i have had 36 missed calls
from them already.

[roberto duran legend]

A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis. His doctor
tells him too ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk.
Later, his blonde girlfriend comes home and finds him with his cock
in a saucerof cold milk. Good heavens she remarks. I always wondered
how you re load those things.