Any good jokes ????

[roberto duran legend]

Paddy phones for a ambulance as Murphy has been hit by a car.
Operator asks where is he ? . Paddy says outside 28 Eucalyptus rd,.
Operator asks " how do you spell that ? " the line goes quite for 5 min.
Operator gets a bit worried, then Paddy says " sorry about that
i have just dragged him round to oak street".

[roberto duran legend]

I walked into my house to find the Missus gone and a note nailed to the wall,
"we have your wife , if you want to see her alive again we want £500,000.
Do not contact the police , we are very determined, await a phone call".
They were not joking about being determined, i have had 36 missed calls
from them already.

[roberto duran legend]

A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis. His doctor
tells him too ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk.
Later, his blonde girlfriend comes home and finds him with his cock
in a saucerof cold milk. Good heavens she remarks. I always wondered
how you re load those things.

[roberto duran legend]

A power cut in Irelands largest department store caused havoc earlier today,
some customers were stuck on the escalators for almost 3 hours.

[El Kabong]

slept like a lawyer last night. Lying on one side, then turning over and lying on the other...



I thought I would have gotten out of that ticket the other day. When pulled over by the cop, I told her "You are the prettiest woman I have ever seen in uniform". She started to blush, said thank you and put away her ticket book until I continued and said, "And that's not just the booze talking either"


I asked my parents if I was a gifted child. They replied "Well we certainly wouldn't have paid for you."


Got pulled over by a cop yesterday. He asked me, "do you know why I pulled you over?" I guess, "why did you forget?" wasn't the best reply...


My boss heard I write funny FB status. He asked me to send him one through email. I replied to him saying, "not now, I'm working." His reply? "That is very funny, send me another one!"

[roberto duran legend]

Parking spaces are like girls at a party ,if you get there late all the good ones
are taken. so when no one is looking you stick it in the disabled one.

[Dia bando]

I bought my wife some make-up,for her birthday to day she looked at it and said.
This has been tested on animals, that's why I bought it! I said what for well if it can make a monkey,
look good then maybe you have a chance

[Dia bando]

My wife asked me,if her appendix scar made her look unattractive my reply.
Don't worry love your tit's cover it.

[TitoFan]

Cowboy riding thru the dessert finds a lamp in the sand.
He rubs it... and out comes a genie.

"I'll grant you 3 wishes." the genie says.
"Ok... well first of all... I want the face of Brad Pitt."

Shazzamm!! "Done" the genie says.

"Ok now I want six-pack abs and huge pecs."

Shazzammm!! "One more" says the genie.

"Alright... I want to be hung like my horse."

Shazzammmm!!! "Ok... all done."

Cowboy rides back as fast as he can to his house and runs to the mirror.

"Alright!!" he says upon seeing his face.
"Yeah!!" he yells upon removing his shirt.

Then he undoes his pants.

"Holy fuck!!! I was riding my mare!!!"