I hear people talking about a positive attitude making a difference in life, but if that isn't who you naturally are then I don't think it is worthwhile. I think it is always better to remain realistic rather than to delude oneself into thinking the world is a happy accident. If anything I probably feed more off of negative energy. Part of me really does get kickstarted when faced with an obstacle. The obstacle typically brings out the fire and in some ways that is really good. By kicking against something you can reignite yourself. For instance, doing really well in my MA was a complete reaction to my lazy BA. It wasn't positive energy that drove me, but the negative energy that had become imbued in me. Years of feeling down on myself told me it wouldn't happen again. I worked hard and it was a painful process, but it was only when I had forced myself through it that I was able to appreciate what I had done and it was negative energy that did it. I wasn't sitting there with writers block saying sunny things to myself, I was sitting there with a cup of tea being harsh on myself and lo and behold, you produce something good. You kick yourself into it.

I'm not saying it works for everyone, but it does for me in a lot of instances. Hard ball behaviour comes from a spark of negativity. It is riskier, but that is gambling. Hippies don't rule countries. Neither do I, but it is people with few or no positive vibes who I would assume take their careers and lives further. Clearly there are also drawbacks to negative attitudes and in some ways I will temper that this year, but never so far as to be positive. A positive attitude is something I find quite corny. To do ones best is enough and the quality should shine through. It's the quality, not positivity.

Positivity is something I always find rather American. The silly shiny teeth, 'the always can do' attitude. It is alien to most English people. English people are dour, but they don't bother with things good vibrations or any of that. I miss two things about my country - the food and the earthy cynicism. An English person knows the world is a bit crap and they say it. 50% of the time an American will say he/she believes in God. That for me says it all about posititivity and negativity. I would much rather be negative and realistic.