Any good jokes ????

[Master]

A project manager was out walking in the countryside one day when a frog called out to him. He bent down, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog called out again, saying, "If you kiss me I shall turn me back into a beautiful princess, and I'll stay with you for a week as your mistress." The project manager took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. The frog called out once more, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for as long as you wish and do absolutely anything that you want. Again the Project manager took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back. Finally, the frog demanded, "What's the matter? You can turn me back into a beautiful princess, and I'll stay with you for ever and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" to which the project manager replied, "Understand, I'm a project manager. I simply don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog .... that's cool."

[Master]

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the project manager, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

[FinitoElDinamita]

Joke threads shouldnt have censorships.. wtf kind of joke thread doesnt tolerate racist jokes smh..

This is some soft shit.. I bet some pussy ass poster cried to a mod.. lil bitch

[Andre]

Rule number 1 is no racist stuff.
Im sick and tired of telling you nicely and you just ignore it and then kept at it, calling Floyd a N and two anti black jokes. Now this!
The boss told to me to flush you a long time ago, cause everyone knows the number one rule.
Now Im with him.

[Andre]

My parents just emailed this one to me.



A Woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the
bedroom cupboard to watch.

Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home
unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realising
that the little boy is in there.

After a while the little boy says, 'Dark in here'.

The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let
alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a football.'

Man - 'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'

Boy - £125

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
the cupboard together.

Boy - 'Dark in here..'

Man - 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have football boots..'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'OK How much this time?'

Boy - £375

Man - 'Sold..'

A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and
football, let's go outside and have a game of footy'.
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.' The father asks, 'How
much did you sell them for and to who?'

The boy says, 'To a friend of mine for a £500

The father says, 'That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend
like that.
That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you
to church and make you confess your terrible sins.'

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here'.......

The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again you little prick, you're in my
cupboard now!!'

[Andre]

What do a Pakistani wife and husband have in common?

Nothing. It was an arranged marriage.

[Andre]

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it.