Anyone Ever Lose a Girl you love out of sheer stupdity????

[JT Rock]

OK let me start off by saying S***!! JT Rock what the F*** did you get yourself into? And second please note that I will give you straight up advice and word myself in the most real way I can I dont mean to offend either you or the people involved here.

Thanks for taking the time Mick I am 30 by the way and live in Wolcott Ct USA, and never was a player of sorts until my me and my ex fiancee' broke up February of 2004 that was tough on me but we grew apart its as simple as that....I took some time alone to heal, at 1st I didn't want to be bothered by girls just wanted to be left alone, then after a while I wanted to date anything good looking girl I met and I did, then that wasn't fulfilling so I went back to just doing my own thing, then I went back to playing and dating.......Here go's the story

November of 2005 I Started frequenting this Irish Pub down the road from my house, I started taking a liking to a Bartender( we will call her Lori so know one is incriminated) that worked there and my friends new her, she had a boyfriend though(for about 5 yrs), but we still flirted a little bit cause her relationship was on the rocks and she was getting ready to pull the plug....I then said here is my # if it dosen't work out with him call me...She said no #'s right now, I said fair enough....

Ehh!! Why would you give your number to a girl who still had a boyfriend? Even if a relationship is on the rocks. Girls not even out of one and your already setting her up for the next, but to be fair to you JT this happens ALL the time where a guy meets a girl whos in a shakey relationship and there we go thinking its a good idea.... It's not.

Then when my friends went to the pub and Lori was working, she would have them call me to go down there,well one night I go down to the bar and Lori's there and were talking, well by the end of the night she is chasing me out the door and asking for my phone number, so we talk the next day and I tell her how I feel and she does the same, but I say WHEN YOU BREAK UP we will talk more cause it's not appropriate now, she agrees, well a few weeks go by and we are really hitting it off when I go to the bar but it's bitter sweet since she has the boyfriend and it is wearing us out cause we just like each other to much, so I tell Lori I cant go down anymore when she is working cause it bothers me to much she agrees and tells me it bother her to and I told her I dont want to be the reason you break up with your boyfriend....So I stop talking to her all together..

1st she said no #'s, then shes asking you for your # Did you ask her why the change of heart? And more importantly why would you give your # to a girl who has a boyfriend despite 'their' situation? Automatically you place yourself as the bad guy by doing that. And I quote "WHEN YOU BREAK UP we will talk more cause it's not appropriate now" Let me ask you this, was it appropriate for you to make the move on her by giving her your # when she didnt ask for it? Was it appropriate when she asked you for your #? The whole time that you talked behind her boyfriends back was that appropriate? You should never under any circumstances begin to flirt, eye, or give your # to a girl whos in a relationship regardless of status. Did you ever stop to think and say OK I like her and all but if her boyfriend finds out is he crazy enough to kill her & me? Or just her? Or just me?

Now is were it gets complicated, this is going on from late January-March, during this there is a really cute and personable girl( we will call her Jackie as not to incriminate her) that was a cocktail waitress and Server that worked there and would serve me and my friends when we sat at a table instead of the bar..Me and Jackie would talk and joke when she was serving us and had a good time, she had been up in Conn.for about a year in a half and moved up from Florida so they could be closer to her "BOYFRIEND'S" family since they had a 2 yr old kid together(whats up with all the boyfriends LOL!!!!) Well that was cool with me since I liked her co-worker I hadn't really gave much thought about her except she was a cool good looking girl, here is were it gets interesting no one knows I like Lori except my friends we all kept it under wraps cause Lori still had a boyfriend and we didn't want to get her and trouble and especially most of her co-workers so that way ther would be no rumors....OK, now as me and my friends converse with Jackie she tells us what a asshole her boyfriend is and he is not the same person he was when they were down in Florida were they had met, he had a real big drug problem and he moved from Conn to Florida since there were really bad influences up here for him so he moved in with some family and was sober, he had met Jackie at work and they hit it off and were together a few years but he never told her about his past addictions to crack and cocaine, so when they decided to move up to Conn, he started visiting with old friends and started using again, so she would tell us stuff here and there and I would try to have good words and advice for her......

JT Rock we are men here the second you say 'really cute', 'we talked', 'we joked' and you repeated "cool good looking girl' those are all signs that somethings happening or is gonna happen especially in a atmosphere where its good times, alcohol helps it out a bit. The second a woman starts talkign to you about her troubles thats just their way of crying out for help! They are hoping someone reaches out and pulls them from there. You became good friends with both eventhough your intations with at least one of them were to be more then friends. The found comfort in you since they didnt find it at home BUT you put yourself there.

Valentines day 2005 Jackie calls my friends Tattoo parlor in the afternoon cause she thought I worked there he told her I didn't(which is weird since I dont know her to well and didnt have anykind of contact outside the bar with her), a few hours later she calls again all upset and asks again for me this time he asks who it is and she tells him and he tells her I told you he's not here, well when I get out of work at 8pm(I am a finance and sales manager for a car dealer) I call my friend to see what the plans are for the night since we are single and have no girls to do valentines day with, well while we are on the phone Jackie calls the shop crying and telling my friend that she needs to get a hold of me..I tell him to give her my # if she is that upset.

She calls me all upset telling me that her boyfriend was wandering the streets for drugs and wanted to talk to me cause she enjoyed our conversations at the bar and my advice...So we became "ONLY FRIENDS" her boyfriend got arrested and is in jail for drugs and stealing 2 cars since,

JT Rock you say Jackie is a mother and if I understood right this guy is the father.... Why on earth would she be crying and wasting her time with him if hes no good for them, as a husband/boyfriend & father? That should tell you that she herself has troubles. IMO anyone regardless of gender who stays in a bad relationship (drugs, violence, abuse any type, unfaithfullness) because they love the other person or anyother lame as excuse you can come up with is IMO not a healthy person and has low selfesteem in the sense that why would you put yourself through moments like that, that you dont need in your life. She should be more worried about raising her son and teaching him some values in life and she def. DOES NOT need a man to teach her son that.

I really liked Lori(Jackie Didn't know) and didnt want to screw it up....I kept my frienship with Jackie a secret to the bar so it wouldnt look like I was trying to get with the both of them,

Ehh! crucial mistake..... The second you create a secret within a secret that S*** is bound to bite 'you' right in the a**..... Cause 'When the S*** hits the fan' oh! boy!! its gonna get everyone, and even if you try to explain yourself why you kept your relationship under wraps noone will believe you.

SO for the next 3 months Jackie and I would hang out talk on the phone and had a good time but I kept it only friends and we never talked about being together or anything but I started to feel things for her cause she was awsome but I would dismiss them cause again I liked Lori to much and I wanted to wait for her to sort out her mess and break it off with the boyfriend, so one night when she got out of work and met me and my friends at another bar to see a Live band play, Jackie had a few drinks and when the nite was over I walked her to her car and I went to turn around to leave and she kissed me!!!!! I was like OK that was a suprise so I told her goodnite and I left..

S***! JT come on my man..... Your trying to hook up with a girl who still has a man, your fooling yourself into thinking you got a good freinship with Jackie when in reality you keep mentioning her in the 'hook up terms', you say you started getting feeling for her. JT your a grown man you know very damn well that a girl & for that matter even a guy with some liquor in his/her system is bound to do something they probably wouldnt do sober. When she kissed you, you could have said something other than just talking to yourself and saying "OK". Why didn't you say 'Jackie you've been drinking I don't think it was appropriate what you did just go home and we will talk tomorrow' (I take it you kissed her back)
Why?
Cause you knew what your doing? You knew you were gonna be able to hook up with both of them in the end. You might not have planed it but as it unraveled you knew it and you went along with it.

The next day I call her to talk about what happened and I finally tell her that I do have feelings for her too but I cant act on them cause, so I confessed to her I liked Lori and if I dated her then I could never have a shot at Lori and I started something with Lori that I wanted to finish she was shocked but respected the situation so we agreed to be friends still, well two weeks go by and I think to myself I havent seen or talked to Lori in about a month and a half and I am sick and tired of waiting for something that might not happen not to mention that I have this really cute and awsome girl who is crazy about me and I feel deeply for her so all of a sudden like a revelation it hits me like a ton of bricks!!!! I want to be with Jackie!!! So I call her and tell her how I feel and at 1st she was like I'm your 2nd choice and you are settling with me since I'm not your 1st choice...I had to explain to her that I liked Lori 1st and our friendship just kinda happened in the middle of it all and I had to see it thru with Lori, but I really want you..

Offcourse she feels 2nd choice, thats cause she is...... Although it is not your fault that the timing of both of these relationships interfered with eachother it is your fault for missleading them both.

So we started going out and things were good at 1st and then there was the usual squabble here and there in the meantime I find out Lori breaks up with her boyfriend since I didn't have to open my heart up to anyone since my Ex Fiancee' and it was tough for me and Jackie since had just broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago, so I do the ultimate asshole thing I break up with Jackie and Blame it on our not being ready cause of our Ex's which was bullshit because I wanted to try with Lori well it all backfires..Lori finds out that I was dating and sleeping with Jackie and wants no part of it cause Lori and the rest of the girls that work at the bar know something I dont know..Jackie has slept with a few of the customers and has a bad reputation of course she did that before we were friends and went out (She never cheated on me)....I was pissed and upset when I found out about her past since I am considered clean cut and have a good rep and never dated girls with checkered pasts, so I finally had it with the situation so me and Jackie had been broken up for a month and a half or so I heard a story about she was kinda flaunting that she had sex with this idiot that go's to the bar and I cant stand the kid(she didn't know that) so I call her up and I tell her I was dissapointed with her choice of guy after me and that people think I am dirty since I was with you and your acting like a tramp...So I said the worst possible things that I have ever said to a human being, told her to never call me and erase my # and I erased her #.

Well JT there you have it, what I talked about earlier when the S*** hits the fan it gets everyone.

I realized that I don't like Lori's personality and I wouldn't want to go with her anyway, I saw Jackie for the 1st time since the end of June and it took the breath out of me literally, all of a sudden I was dealing with feelings for her I didnt think I had I just wanted to run up to her and hold her in my arms and apologize and tell her how much I miss her, so I got drunk with my friends and before I left the bar I walked up to her and whispered to her I was sorry for all the bad things I said to and about her then I stuck out my hand for her to shake it she did and I turned around and walked away... I love Jackie and I miss her she is only the 3rd girl I have ever truly loved and I dont care about her past cause I have one too...I dont care what the girls at the bar think or my friends think she was always a goodfriend and an excellent girlfriend and a superb mother to her child...

I am a total asshole who deserves to feel broken over this I miss her so much and I feel so hurt and remorseful about the things I said to her I never wanted to hurt the one I loved so much.

That folks is my human side and I have Know Idea why I just poured out my heart to the whole world literally..

JT Rock, I'm Mexican-American and in Mexico theres a saying that goes; In the end you'll be left like a dog with either one of the 2 meals this saying goes back to a really old folk story. Anyway it basically says that you were so greedy and only thought of yourself that in the end you were left with nothing. You typed the story in the sense that made it seem like your intetions were good with both but if you read betweeen the lines you can see that you might have started this with good intentions but when you saw another oppourtunity you said ahh! F*** it I can get away with it.
In all honesty I personally don't think you can fix this one right here, because this one got ugly. The second you loose respect for someone in any way, you will do it over and over again. Cause you'll know you can get away with it. One day your gonna get in a arguement and you will bring up the fact that she slepted with that guy you hate, and then in your mind you will picture her with him and it will fucken eat you alive day in and day out.

And please blieve me when I say you dont want that in your life, JT I would highly recommend you cut all connections to either girl I mean start hanging out across town or something. You got any vacations day left, take a few days and get out if you cant afford something big, F*** it the outdoors are a beauty and you don't need much $ to do that.
What do you like to do? Go fishing? Do you play any sports? What kind of education do you have? Enroll in school take some courses, cooking or ceramics. Do you have family? Nieces, nephews cousins? Get involved with them....

JT GOOD LUCK and I know everything will work out for you just keep a positive mind and LOOK FOWARD.

Peace,
CutMeMick

Mick 1st of all THANK YOU!!! for taking the time....

2nd of all nice sound well rounded advice is always good.... I will tel you this was an isolated incident and as much as it bothers me what had happen I dont let it consume and drag my life down, I am a positive thinker despite bleek circumstances, and I am fortunate enough to have good friends and a good family also I have a good head on my shoulders and take care of my business..LOL!!! but I guess this momentary lapse will teach me a valuable lesson...Especially the whole "secret within a secret" I agree staying away is good no need to keep picking a scab

So it is what it is you just move on and know there will always be a new set of circumstances, thats the beauty of life

Thanks again guys!!!! have been redistributed and I will post if anything new happens...

[Howlin Mad Missy]

You're a guy, of course you messed up.

[CutMeMick]

You're a guy, of course you messed up.

So are you.

[CutMeMick]

JT Rock thats what I'm here for, if you ask me for advice and I feel your being serious I'm here to give you my points of views & advice.

cc. Back

[Howlin Mad Missy]

You're a guy, of course you messed up.

So are you.

Love 'em and leave 'em.

[Mad_Dog]

ok ama bout to give some advice and I only read the title of the thread. and you will see how brilliant it is

go up to her just one time JUST ONE time, bring flowers and a card, and some candy

stand there at first...dont say anything....

then smile and approach her slowly

punch her in the belly

when she doubles over, take the flowers and start bopping her on the head with them

she will no doubt fall to the floor after that

then take the candy (chocoloate) and smash them all over her face

laugh hysterically at this point

then take the card......tape it to her forehead and write

how's the candy taste biotch

love jt



that's it

if she does not call you by next morning

move on with your life, dont look back

[JT Rock]

ok ama bout to give some advice and I only read the title of the thread. and you will see how brilliant it is

go up to her just one time JUST ONE time, bring flowers and a card, and some candy

stand there at first...dont say anything....

then smile and approach her slowly

punch her in the belly

when she doubles over, take the flowers and start bopping her on the head with them

she will no doubt fall to the floor after that

then take the candy (chocoloate) and smash them all over her face

laugh hysterically at this point

then take the card......tape it to her forehead and write

how's the candy taste biotch

love jt



that's it

if she does not call you by next morning

move on with your life, dont look back

Yor all heart man ...Think I'll pass on that one though

[leon9996]

I Fucked up plain and Simple, I dumped a girl I love back in june cause I thought I could do better I am a player of sorts and have dated many of women but she was a friend and then after a while we started going out and we fell in love,anyway I thought I could do better for some dumb a** reason.Now I regret and I am cut to the heart cause I want to see her again personally, I said bad awful things to her because I hated her past (mind is worse than hers) To make matters worse she is a bartender at the local pub I go to and for 3 months I never went when she was there..A few weeks ago I went with some friends when she was working and after 2 hours I was all sorts of LOVESICK and I hate it, I saw her tonite and I miss her so much I want to talk to her but she wont call me...

Please advise I wll answer rany questions and entertain SERIOUS counsel on the matter I AM HURTING BAD!!!!!!!!!

grow some back bone,keep your pimp hand strong and never fall in love with these bitches

[JT Rock]

I Fucked up plain and Simple, I dumped a girl I love back in june cause I thought I could do better I am a player of sorts and have dated many of women but she was a friend and then after a while we started going out and we fell in love,anyway I thought I could do better for some dumb a** reason.Now I regret and I am cut to the heart cause I want to see her again personally, I said bad awful things to her because I hated her past (mind is worse than hers) To make matters worse she is a bartender at the local pub I go to and for 3 months I never went when she was there..A few weeks ago I went with some friends when she was working and after 2 hours I was all sorts of LOVESICK and I hate it, I saw her tonite and I miss her so much I want to talk to her but she wont call me...

Please advise I wll answer rany questions and entertain SERIOUS counsel on the matter I AM HURTING BAD!!!!!!!!!

grow some back bone,keep your pimp hand strong and never fall in love with these bitches

Just like any of the all time great boxers that are not undefeated, I was do for a defeat.... in love with 3 girls at 30 isint a bad ratio its not all about the pimping anyway I just date till I find the one that stands tall above the rest, call me a pimp all you want I tell people...I'm just a guy that keeps his options open..

[El Gamo]

Fucked up plain and Simple, I dumped a girl I love back in june cause I thought I could do better I am a player of sorts and have dated many of women but she was a friend and then after a while we started going out and we fell in love,anyway I thought I could do better for some dumb ass reason.Now I regret and I am cut to the heart cause I want to see her again personally, I said bad awful things to her because I hated her past (mind is worse than hers) To make matters worse she is a bartender at the local pub I go to and for 3 months I never went when she was there..A few weeks ago I went with some friends when she was working and after 2 hours I was all sorts of LOVESICK and I hate it, I saw her tonite and I miss her so much I want to talk to her but she wont call me...

Please advise I wll answer rany questions and entertain SERIOUS counsel on the matter I AM HURTING BAD!!!!!!!!!



I have not read the whole thread because it gets confusing,so I'll address your main point. First bro,I'll be honest with you,you fucked up badly. The first thing you have to do is get rid of this player attitude,you're not going to be able to hang on to any girl for that long with that attitude which could lead to more mistakes in the future. Being a player is ok when you're young but not if you're a big grown man,forget that shat bro. Second,you really fucked up because you said you were friends so you lost a friend and a lover,what were you thinking?
Bro live life for the here and now,why question here past in the first place and also,how can you question her past when you say yours is worse?! That's hypocrisy bro. You hears the saying from the bible(I think)what goes around,comes around,that is what has happened here bro.
Ok,I feel for you BIG TIME because I have had my heart broken too and I can relate to you. So here's what I think you should do.Do not under any circumstances smother her or bother/harrass her but try ot show her that you care and that you realise you made a mistake. Flowers,write her a letter,sweet stuff,anything to get into her good graces,but only sweet stuff,nothing vulgar and again,I stress,NOT TOO MUCH! Don't try to buy her back,girls,well classy girls don't like to be brought. If you get her something and she throws it or something,don't get mad. She may need time to think about it but as long as you are showing her you care,she may start to realise you made a mistake. You need to show you are sincere.
I have to be honest with you though,it sounds like you were REALLY mean and broke her heart so it maybe that she has gotten over you and does not want you back...and for that she cannot be blamed. Women like to be taken care of bro,treated like queens,respected loved and cared. They are fragile but it seems you did not take care handling her. If after trying,she still does not want to be with you,bro I don't know what else to say exept move on. Time heals all,and as stupid as that may sound,its true and I'm talking from experience here bro.
Sorry if that was not the advice you were looking for but it's my take on things and sorry if I was rude,I tried only to speak the truth. Take it easy bro.

[Gandalf]

Fucked up plain and Simple, I dumped a girl I love back in june cause I thought I could do better I am a player of sorts and have dated many of women but she was a friend and then after a while we started going out and we fell in love,anyway I thought I could do better for some dumb a** reason.Now I regret and I am cut to the heart cause I want to see her again personally, I said bad awful things to her because I hated her past (mind is worse than hers) To make matters worse she is a bartender at the local pub I go to and for 3 months I never went when she was there..A few weeks ago I went with some friends when she was working and after 2 hours I was all sorts of LOVESICK and I hate it, I saw her tonite and I miss her so much I want to talk to her but she wont call me...

Please advise I wll answer rany questions and entertain SERIOUS counsel on the matter I AM HURTING BAD!!!!!!!!!



I have not read the whole thread because it gets confusing,so I'll address your main point. First bro,I'll be honest with you,you fucked up badly. The first thing you have to do is get rid of this player attitude,you're not going to be able to hang on to any girl for that long with that attitude which could lead to more mistakes in the future. Being a player is ok when you're young but not if you're a big grown man,forget that shat bro. Second,you really fucked up because you said you were friends so you lost a friend and a lover,what were you thinking?
Bro live life for the here and now,why question here past in the first place and also,how can you question her past when you say yours is worse?! That's hypocrisy bro. You hears the saying from the bible(I think)what goes around,comes around,that is what has happened here bro.
Ok,I feel for you BIG TIME because I have had my heart broken too and I can relate to you. So here's what I think you should do.Do not under any circumstances smother her or bother/harrass her but try ot show her that you care and that you realise you made a mistake. Flowers,write her a letter,sweet stuff,anything to get into her good graces,but only sweet stuff,nothing vulgar and again,I stress,NOT TOO MUCH! Don't try to buy her back,girls,well classy girls don't like to be brought. If you get her something and she throws it or something,don't get mad. She may need time to think about it but as long as you are showing her you care,she may start to realise you made a mistake. You need to show you are sincere.
I have to be honest with you though,it sounds like you were REALLY mean and broke her heart so it maybe that she has gotten over you and does not want you back...and for that she cannot be blamed. Women like to be taken care of bro,treated like queens,respected loved and cared. They are fragile but it seems you did not take care handling her. If after trying,she still does not want to be with you,bro I don't know what else to say exept move on. Time heals all,and as stupid as that may sound,its true and I'm talking from experience here bro.
Sorry if that was not the advice you were looking for but it's my take on things and sorry if I was rude,I tried only to speak the truth. Take it easy bro.

El Gamo, you are now talking like a profit....ahem I mean prophet...

Just kidding, cool post pal!

I once broke up with a specimen of the female variety. I got over it. As you will too JTRock, it aint all doom and hell! You know it too!

[X]

I. too, once lost a girl that I loved out of sheer stupidity.

I had known her since she was a child. Actually, she still was a child as I stalked her and kidnapped her.

I had lovingly and carefully fashioned a small bijou dungeon in my cabin in South Dakota, I had gone shopping and bought all the little things that make a difference - you know the little homely things like the Leatherface mask and I had even pushed the boat out and invested in a four-stroke chainsaw.

Everything was going really well, we were so happy together (I think she was happy as she moved her lips a lot and water came out of her eyes all the time. My mother, who was my first girlfriend told me that this means people are happy). Anyway, I began to take her for granted and the magic began to go out of our relationship after some years. I was so stupid that one day I forgot to padlock the door as I went out to my truck to the survivalist meeting.

I don't know what was going through my head at the time, as all the voices were shouting and having a bit of an argument, and I must have just forgot.

Anyway, she left me and I have no excuses but to say that it was down to my own stupidity.

So, I know what you mean, as I have been through this too. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, though ...

I have managed to move on now, helped by the fact that I blinded her so she can't really lead anyone back to me. It took me so long to get over it, but I have noticed another little girl recently and those feeling must mean that I have some closure and am ready to move on with my life right now.

[JT Rock]

I. too, once lost a girl that I loved out of sheer stupidity.

I had known her since she was a child. Actually, she still was a child as I stalked her and kidnapped her.

I had lovingly and carefully fashioned a small bijou dungeon in my cabin in South Dakota, I had gone shopping and bought all the little things that make a difference - you know the little homely things like the Leatherface mask and I had even pushed the boat out and invested in a four-stroke chainsaw.

Everything was going really well, we were so happy together (I think she was happy as she moved her lips a lot and water came out of her eyes all the time. My mother, who was my first girlfriend told me that this means people are happy). Anyway, I began to take her for granted and the magic began to go out of our relationship after some years. I was so stupid that one day I forgot to padlock the door as I went out to my truck to the survivalist meeting.

I don't know what was going through my head at the time, as all the voices were shouting and having a bit of an argument, and I must have just forgot.

Anyway, she left me and I have no excuses but to say that it was down to my own stupidity.

So, I know what you mean, as I have been through this too. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, though ...

I have managed to move on now, helped by the fact that I blinded her so she can't really lead anyone back to me. It took me so long to get over it, but I have noticed another little girl recently and those feeling must mean that I have some closure and am ready to move on with my life right now.

Sorry man, A little over the top for my situation

[X]

Come on man, a sense of perspective is a good thing to have - you were sounding a bit too angsty and sorry for yourself, like a problem page letter in some crappy woman's magazine. Where is your sense of self respect?

Did you sc me??

[JT Rock]

Come on man, a sense of perspective is a good thing to have - you were sounding a bit too angsty and sorry for yourself, like a problem page letter in some crappy woman's magazine. Where is your sense of self respect?

Did you sc me??

No I didn't you bastage!!!!! say your sorry, and take back the one you gave me....I always own up to my SC's

Screw you with that self-respect shit.....Sorry I met a girl and fell and love with her and regretted that I was wrong to her,It's not like I stalk her or harass her or call her constantly, I mean seriously dude I know your a smart ass and make light of things and post weird shit as a joke, but I felt your were a bit over the top

to the contrary if I wasnt regretful for what had happened, then I would be questioning my own self-respect..