Any good jokes ????

[Master]

I can not get to the bottom of streaking.

[Beanz]

A Jewish father was very troubled by the way his son turned out and went to see his rabbi about it.

“Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week, he’s decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?”

The rabbi strokes his beard and says, “Funny you should come to me. I too, brought up my son as a boy of faith, sent him to university and it cost me a fortune and then one day he comes to me and tells me he wants to be a Christian.”

“What did you do?” asked the man of the rabbi.

“I turned to God for the answer,” replied the rabbi.

“What did he say?” asked the man.

He said, “Funny you should come to me...”

[walrus]

This Jewish guy goes to board a bus and asked the driver for one senior discount ticket. The driver, seeing the Jewish guy is around forty says sorry sir you need to be over 62 for the senior discount. The argument goes on for several minutes with the Forty year old Jewish man demanding the senior discount and the bus driver refusing. Finally the driver gets so mad he stands up, grabs the Jewish guys duffle bag and tosses it off the bus onto the street. The Jewish guys starts yelling at him oh snap just cause I don't want to pay the full fare doesn't mean you have to kill my son.

[Master]

Just met a microbiologist. He was a lot bigger than I imagined.

How many conspiracy theorist does it take to change a light bulb? We'll probably never know the truth.

I hope that in 2017 scientist find a cure for natural causes.

Still waiting for the wife to tell me what my new year resolutions are.

to those that suffer a skin condition a belated merry eczemas.

[Master]

Miss Whiplash was not what I expected. She arrived in a neck brace and with her solicitor.

If I was being subjective, I'd say my favourite rock band is the Who. If I was being objective, I'd say it was the Whom.

You think you're until you are asked to choose a "user name".

Told the shop manager water keeps leaking out of my new bath. He said I needed a plug. The swine never told me it was electric.

Got an email saying "at Google Earth we can read maps backwards". Surely, that's spam?

[vidgil]

I woke up from a bad dream last night. My heart was pounding and I was sweating bullets. I rolled over and told my wife "Honey, I'm really tense right now, and the only thing that could calm me down is a blowjob".

She says "where are you gonna find a guy to blow at this time of the night?"

[Master]

Just got a job making rubber computer keyboards. The shifts are flexible.

Just written a book on how to cut onions. Read it and weep.

Threw Domestos over our vicar yesterday. I've been charged with a bleach of the priest.