I went for an ultra sound on my heart yesterday. There's nowt wrong with it, me mum has a heart condition that means if you get a certain type of illness it has to be treated in a different way to 'normals'. Clear as mud right? Anyway, she has it, me and my brothers had to be tested for it. Turns out I dont have any abnormalities of the ticker. I fell asleep whilst it was getting done. The cold gel on the chest on a stinking hot day was a proper treat.

My eldest brother wasnt so lucky. Cunt had a heart attack two days before he was due to have his. Now it's a completely different ball game for him. He smokes and eats pizza on toast so....