come on @Master credit where its due

Master the joke thief, literally copy and pastes the jokes and removes the names

I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change. - Ken Cheng

Trump is nothing like Hitler. There is no way he could write a book. - Frankie Boyle

I have given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point? - Alexei Sayle

I am looking for the girl next door type. I am just going to keep moving house until I find her. - Lew Fitz

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it 'brella' but just hesitated. - Andy Field

Combine Harvesters, and you get a really big restaurant. - Mark Simmons

I am rubbish with names. It is not my fault, it is a condition. There is a name for it.... - Jimeoin


I have 2 boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house. - Ed Byrne

I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died...which is a good thing because he trod on a land mine. - Olaf Falafel

Whenever someone says "I do not believe in coincidences", I say "Oh my god, me neither!" - Alasdair Beckett-King