gay marriage in the US

[X]

Australia is about to hold a vote on gay marriage now. I am very clear about this. When someone tries to defend homosexuality, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. No more argument. X has prevailed by using the Word of God so it's hard to argue with that!

However, I do need some advice from knowledgeable people regarding some of the other specific laws according to the Word of God, and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbours, who are a bit fussy. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Scotsmen, but not the English. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Englishmen?

e) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. I think he is a doctor. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that one may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. My wife's eyesight isn't great.. Does her vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play rugby if I wear gloves? What if my teammates think I am a homosexual?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.


I have to admit that this is not my own invention, genius though it is