Quote Originally Posted by Batman View Post
Just thought I'd give you all a quick update.

Monday I felt terrible, worse than I had before, I felt like I had made a massive mistake and that shit was going to come tumbling down around me. I felt sick for the majority of the day, once I got the day out of the way I realized that it wasn't too bad.
I'm feeling a lot better about it now, they have switched me off so I'm not getting any more new work at the minute and even though its only been three days I can actually feel the difference, I've got a few of my real shit files sorted now, I've got a load more to get through but I'm getting there.

It had got to the point where I was just getting home and watching shit on telly, some nights I was ready to go to bed at 8pm, I hadn't read a book for weeks, hadn't played my guitar or piano, I was waking up in the middle of the night thinking about certain files that I hadn't actioned or that I had fucked up on.

I think that one of my problems is that when it comes to social interaction I'm pretty shit, I've said on here before that I am pretty misanthropic and if someone asks me how I'm doing I find it difficult to lie to them, if I'm feeling shit then I'll tell you I'm feeling shit, it may not sound like a bad thing but it got to the point where all I could do was complain about work whilst I was at work and the fact that I choose to live alone meant when it consumed me I didn't have anyone to take my mind off it when I wasn't there, if I was still in a bad mood when I got home from work I would just brood on it and make myself feel worse.

I still shit myself everytime my phone rings because I'm worried about which one of my files I've fucked up on now but it'll get better over the next few weeks.

It might not sounds like a lot but I've never felt like that before and my managers shouldn't have allowed it to get to that point, I'm not the only one, there are plenty of others who I know feel exactly like me but they haven't hit the point where they have had to say anything yet.

I really do feel lucky that I have told them how it was getting me now though because I feel like I've caught it before it grew into anything serious, and at least if I do end up getting into this sort of state again then I can tell them about it.
@Batman if you need someone to talk to Brock posts his phone number here on the forum every couple months trolling for friends. Just don't give him your real name or he will internet stalk you